


hearts apart, come together

by denimandflowers



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Barebacking, Childhood Friends, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 48,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26086858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denimandflowers/pseuds/denimandflowers
Summary: Running away to Europe seems rational, Jaehyun thinks, when you’re set to marry against your wishes, but things turn complicated when he bumps into Kim Doyoung – someone he’d loved and left seven years ago. Jaehyun finds himself falling in love all over again, but this time he wants to do it right.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 23
Kudos: 242
Collections: jaedo digest: vol. 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is by far the most difficult piece of work I’ve ever done. I was so busy with life but still thought it was a great idea to challenge myself to an almost 50k fic. Although I’m very happy with my improvement in the process of writing this, there are still parts that im regretful about. Nevertheless, I really hope everyone who’s read this has enjoyed it. 
> 
> To the person whose prompt this belongs to:  
> I really, really, really hope you like this! I wasn’t sure if you’d like a lot of the things I’d written but I still hope you enjoyed it. This was one of the first few prompts that caught my attention, and I had soooo many ideas for it. In the end some of my ideas fell short, but i hope that this end result meets your expectations. <3
> 
> Lastly:  
> Thank you to the mods for being patient with me, and also for organizing this event! <3

_Seoul_

Jaehyun’s eyes flicker between the glass in his hand and his father’s piercing gaze.

“I’m sorry?” he verbalizes, coherency mussed by his train wreck of thoughts. His father’s certainty remains unwavering as he brings the glass to his lips to take another sip of the ruby drink, a familiar indication of the end of a discussion. He doesn’t answer, and Jaehyun doesn’t fault him for it; the man has done a thorough job with explanations and there is no need for any further clarity. What it really is, the less-than-eloquent utterance, is disbelief.

“I’ll be in Tokyo on Sunday. I’ll see you in Düsseldorf on Tuesday,” he continues as if he hasn’t just upended Jaehyun’s entire world with his announcement a mere minute ago. But here’s the thing: Jeong In Soo views everything as liabilities and assets, and his earlier disclosure is nothing short of a business proposition. Jaehyun’s lived his life under his father’s terms, and although he hasn’t had the most conventional childhood, he’s still grateful for everything that’s been handed to him.

Jaehyun’s always been a smart kid, quick-witted and gifted with intuition that rarely ever fails him. He’d discovered early on that he has a father who lived his life on meticulous calculations. Jaehyun isn’t entirely surprised where he fits into the equation, knows that this has always been _his_ endgame, even if he feels the slow, mellow disappointment that spreads in his chest.

Jeong In Soo is his father on paper and in blood, though the relationship they share rarely transcends mutual respect. Jaehyun’s looked up to the man his whole life. He appreciates the way In Soo’s mind works, his efforts to tide the family through the years like a man of virtue. So it’s a surprise when Jaehyun finds himself questioning his father’s decisions.

“I’m not ready to settle down.”

In Soo’s eyes snap up to his own as he stares at him as if he hadn’t expected any sort of retaliation from his own son. His hand pauses where he’s signing some papers. Jaehyun can hear the quiet breath that leaves his lips as he unfurls the fountain pen and sets it upon the desk, rearranging his posture to one that Jaehyun recognizes all too well.

“We’ve talked about this, haven’t we? I’ve made it known, even before you did your last year of university,” his tone is disapproving despite his stoic expression. Jaehyun has half a mind to back down, but somewhere in the back of his head he knows that this is the only chance he’s got. If he leaves now, his fate is as good as sealed. The moment he steps out of this room he’ll be faced with a lifetime of regrets. Jaehyun doesn’t think he could live like that.

“I—” Jaehyun begins, faltering when he realises that he hasn’t thought it through. He can already taste failure on the back of his tongue, bitter and demoralising. He steels himself with a steady breath. “I can run the company on my own, you’ve taught me what I need to know. Marriage will only serve as a distraction.”

“You forgot the first rule I ever taught you about business, Yoonoh.” Jaehyun’s heart sinks at the disappointment in his father’s tone. _Objectivity over perception._ The principle has been ingrained in him since his early days. “You’re allowing your feelings to cloud your judgement. But you’ve always had a soft heart in you,” In Soo continues with a small, endearing smile that manages to deflate the defiance that had started to bubble in Jaehyun’s chest.

“You need someone to reign you in every time you falter, someone who would give you a push when you hesitate,” In Soo asserts. “Jungwoo’s more than capable of being that person for you.”

Jaehyun’s heard nothing but praises for Jungwoo from his father. It takes a lot to impress Jeong In Soo, and Jaehyun has never met Jungwoo, yet he’s almost certain that Jungwoo is someone incredible. But Jaehyun isn’t looking for someone incredible. Even if he’s always known that this was his reality, it has never stopped him from yearning for someone who could ease the uncertainty in his heart. Someone who could understand him, someone who would make everything fade into the inconsequential. 

It’s a little hypocritical of him to think less of Jungwoo when he hasn’t even met the man. But there was a time, long ago, when Jaehyun played with fire. He’d been burned once, and the experience had left an invisible mark on his heart; evident only in the way he refuses to open up to anyone else. If Jungwoo was the one he’d have to spend the rest of his life with, Jaehyun would need to let him in. That’s something he’s not ready for.

Jaehyun only realises that he’s immobilised, deep in thought, when he catches his father peering up at him yet again, a softness to the edge of his eyes.

“We’ll push the engagement to next month, when you’re more acquainted with Jungwoo. We can have the wedding in the fall,” In Soo tells him decisively. It’s not much, but Jaehyun knows it’s a huge deal for his father who rarely changes his plans when he’s set his mind to it.

"About Jungwoo…” Jaehyun trails off, unsure of what to say. It seems like his father already knows his heart. “He’s good for you, Yoonoh,” In Soo reassures him. “You trust me, don’t you?”

Jaehyun does. There’s no one he trusts more than his father. He doesn’t know if it makes it all worse, the fact that he knows that his father is only doing it with his son’s best interests at heart. He may not like it, doesn’t understand it now, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s something he knows would be good for him.

“Yes,” Jaehyun agrees easily, obediently. He licks his lips, arms tensed at his sides. His father rewards his answer with a pleased smile. Jaehyun can’t stop himself from imagining the smile on his father’s face when he weds Jungwoo. The pride in his eyes, just like that day he’d earned his MBA.

“Yoonoh,” In Soo calls, beckoning him with a wave of his hand. Jaehyun obliges, moving closer to his desk. “Ultimately, you do know that the decision is entirely yours to make, don’t you, son?” he poses.

Jaehyun knows. His father is a firm man, but he would never force something upon Jaehyun against his own will. But In Soo is attuned to the fact that Jaehyun puts him on a pedestal, and would always choose to fulfil his father’s wishes. It feels like there is no real meaning behind those words, but Jaehyun can’t seem to fault his father for it.

“Do whatever you think is right,” In Soo advises.

Jaehyun swallows hard, heart in turmoil when his father says, “But I’m sure you’ll learn to love him, Yoonoh.”

The thought of the proposition, as Jaehyun likes to think of it, consumes him for the rest of the week.

It’s easy to attend to meetings and work affairs, busy himself with being the face of his father’s company, when it comes to him like second nature. But like a thief in the night, it creeps up on him when he’s most vulnerable, lying sleepless in bed, troubled by the reality that he has to give up yet another part of his life.

Jaehyun thinks about his future as a leader, someone who’s going to take his father’s place as _chief executive officer_ someday. It’s a title that’s rather befitting. Jaehyun has always prided himself as someone who’s focused, driven. He excels at everything he does but is someone who is hard to hate despite his enviable qualities. Johnny had once, jokingly, likened him to a modern-day _Leibniz_ , to which he’d scoffed, considering that Johnny loved to talk out of his ass. Unfortunately the name stuck for a while after that, all through the first year of university until he turned twenty when he grew out of his gangly, awkward phase and earned himself a new moniker: _First Love_.

It’s a funny thought. He’s never had a first love, and now, he wonders if he ever will.

“You had a first love,” Johnny unhelpfully supplies when Jaehyun comes to his older friend with his predicament following a lengthy debate with himself. He says it as if that’s what’s bothering Jaehyun, effectively reminding himself of why he hadn’t gone straight to speak to Johnny about it a week ago when he’d first known.

“What?” Jaehyun frowns, regarding him in confusion. Johnny’s mind works in the most unusual of ways. Johnny has Jaehyun intrigued from the first time they’d met seven years ago, back when the Jeong family had moved to Chicago from Busan. Johnny, with his outgoing personality and the fact that he was also Korean, had wasted no time in taking Jaehyun under his wing. Johnny convinced Jaehyun to try out for the University’s basketball team, and they’d been joined at the hip ever since.

“Before you moved to Chicago,” Johnny pointedly reminds him, pointing his chopsticks in his direction. He has that look on his face, the one where his lips curl into the most obnoxious smirk when he thinks he’s said something insightful. “You had this one— _friend,_ I remember.” His smile grows. “Someone you couldn’t stop talking about when we’d first met.”

Jaehyun grimaces, an odd feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach. He knows where this conversation is headed, and he doesn’t like it one bit. Although it happened nearly a decade ago, Jaehyun still thinks about it from time to time. It starts whenever he has no control over the way his mind would stray into dangerous territory, to that night he’d told his _ex_ best friend that he was leaving. He remembers vividly, the fight. The feeling of everything turning into flames. He’d been young and naïve, and admittedly, he hadn’t handled the situation with much grace. Regrettably, he’d left with many things unresolved.

Jaehyun has no idea why Johnny would bring it up when it was the single most tragic thing that has ever happened to him. Something he’d always keep buried in the deepest depth of himself, hoping it would stay uncovered. Moving into his twenties, Jaehyun has learnt that everyone comes with some sort of baggage. Jaehyun’s happens to be in the form of a lover that never was.

“…what does he have to do with _anything_?”

“So you’re _finally_ admitting that you had a little something with him?” Johnny presses on in unconcealed excitement, lips contorting to suppress a smile. Jaehyun had risen to the bait, and Johnny has him hook, line and sinker. Jaehyun finds it ridiculous, the fact that Johnny has _never_ met this ­ _ex_ best friend of his, but is somehow the most emotionally invested in his existence in Jaehyun’s past. Jaehyun regrets ever telling Johnny anything about his life back in Busan.

Jaehyun kicks Johnny in the shin as he gets up from the couch with his finished bowl of ramen (because it’s just one of those nights where they can’t help but revert to being frat boys). Korean hierarchical system be damned. Two years between them is nothing when Johnny is an idiot more often than he’s not.

Johnny laughs because Jaehyun’s strong, but Johnny’s a _beast_. Whatever Jaehyun dishes out is rarely enough to faze him.

“I _knew_ it!” Johnny cheers in a way that makes Jaehyun believe that Johnny’s sole purpose in life is to prove that Jaehyun did, in fact, have a lover in Busan. Jaehyun can’t fathom why. Johnny’s hot on his ass when it comes to his love life. He’s always complaining about Jaehyun’s reluctance to, in Johnny’s terms, ‘put himself out there’. Jaehyun doesn’t get it. He’s content being on his own, indulging in the occasional hook ups to satisfy his sexual needs. He appreciates his friend’s concern but he’d honestly rather Johnny doesn’t try to play counsellor and turn his indifference to love into some kind of complex just because he had _one_ bad experience in the past.

“You _did_ have a first love, and his name is—”

Jaehyun’s phone vibrates on the glass table, the ringtone loud and shrill, and Jaehyun can’t help but to laugh at the offended look Johnny casts at the device. At any other time, Jaehyun would have cursed to the heavens at having been disturbed on a Saturday evening. But the distraction is a welcomed relief from Johnny’s increasingly incessant teasing, and Jaehyun’s steps are light when he walks over to answer the call.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” he utters as soon as it connects.

 _“Hi,”_ the voice says, foreign to his ears. _“It’s Jungwoo. Kim Jungwoo._ ”

Jaehyun freezes, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Johnny who starts to aggressively whisper ‘ _what is it?’_ with growing curiosity. Jaehyun’s own interest is piqued. Technically, the date for a formal meeting had been set at two weeks from then. It’s hard to imagine why he would be receiving a call any sooner.

 _“I know you’re probably wondering why I’m calling,_ ” Jungwoo assumes, reading his mind. His voice is calm with a hint of unwavering charisma. Despite himself, Jaehyun finds himself being drawn to it. _“I just thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself before we met. I don’t know about you, but I feel like it would be too awkward for our first meeting to be with our parents.”_

 _“The pressure would be unreal,”_ Jungwoo adds with a slight laugh. Jaehyun finds himself easing at the confession, a smile tugging on his own lips. His father had painted Jungwoo as someone too perfect to be real, so it’s strangely comforting to know that Jungwoo, just like himself, was someone who was daunted by high expectations.

“Tell me about it,” Jaehyun jokes, still keeping the formalities even as he feels the tension leave his shoulders. “What are you suggesting?” He ignores the exaggerated looks from Johnny who tries to get his attention.

 _“I was thinking that we could meet up for some drinks. Nothing like getting to know your hand-picked husband over some alcohol, I reckon,”_ Jungwoo muses. _“Could be a good occasion to pick up on any red flags.”_ Jaehyun can’t tell if he’s joking but it sounds enough like sarcasm to have him amused.

“I like you already,” Jaehyun says with a genuine smile this time. Something akin to relief stirs in his gut. For some reason he hadn’t expected Jungwoo to have a sense of humour and the discovery is startling yet allaying.

There is no pause as if Jungwoo’s thought everything through, _“How does tomorrow sound?”_

“Perfect,” Jaehyun replies, making a mental note of the time and place that Jungwoo proposes.

 _“Can’t wait,”_ Jungwoo says rather dryly, eliciting another laugh from Jaehyun.

Johnny is staring expectantly at him when he ends the call. Jaehyun considers keeping the conversation to himself but knows that Johnny would literally stop at nothing to get involved in his affairs. He would be subjected to Johnny’s continued harassment. The thought itself is downright terrifying.

Jaehyun sighs begrudgingly. “It was Kim Jungwoo.”

Johnny doesn’t look entirely surprised. “You looked like you were smitten with just a few words,” he remarks, popping a chip into his mouth. Jaehyun flushes at the comment. Johnny’s usually observant when it came to things like these, and he feels the embarrassment start to close in. He must have looked like a complete fool.

“He was just asking if we should go grab a drink,” Jaehyun retorts defensively.

“Oh, he’s already making the first move to woo you, isn’t he?” Johnny teases with a laugh. Jaehyun doesn’t know what’s worse – the fact that Jungwoo doesn’t seem averted to the idea of an arranged marriage, or that Johnny thinks that this is all just one big joke. It’s hard to process it, still, and Jaehyun has decided that the best thing to do is to roll with it.

“I have to accept the fact that you’ll always be the commentator of my love story, don’t I?” Jaehyun wonders rhetorically with a long-suffering sigh.

“The sooner you do, the less it’ll hurt,” Johnny reassures him. “Just to put things into perspective, you can bet that I’ll be seeing this through to the end.”

“Appreciate the support,” Jaehyun spits, but despite everything he’s said, he really _is_ glad that he has Johnny at least.

Jungwoo is already at one of the tables nursing a half empty glass when Jaehyun turns up almost twenty minutes past the agreed time. Jaehyun’s not the most punctual person, but he does try his best to keep within the somewhat socially acceptable fifteen-minute grace period when it comes to meetings.

The only reason Jaehyun recognises him is because he’s the only person wearing a _Brioni_ suit, an unofficial hallmark of their industry.

Jungwoo looks highly unimpressed when Jaehyun gives a deep bow and slides into the seat across him, greeting him with a scathing, “You’re late.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun apologises, taken aback by his tone. Jaehyun doesn’t know what he’d been expecting, but the man sitting before him seems like a far cry from the almost bashful stranger he’d spoken to over the phone. He reminds himself not to be put off by the littlest things. It’s only fair that Jungwoo’s upset after all.

“I couldn’t decide what to wear,” Jaehyun tells him truthfully. He’s not proud that he’d spent a few hours trying to put together something deemed as appropriate to a first meeting with his future spouse. It sounds stupid when he’s said it out loud, and although he’d expected Jungwoo to be annoyed, his honesty earns himself a smile from the man.

“You’re not serious, are you?” Jungwoo says with an airy laugh as he beckons for one of the waiters to come by.

“I wish I was,” Jaehyun grunts, embarrassed, as he relays his choice of beverage to the waiter. Now that Jungwoo’s irritation has alleviated, Jaehyun finally takes the opportunity to take a proper look at him.

Jungwoo is fairly attractive, his eyes soft despite his sharp gaze. He has a pretty slope to his nose, and plump lips that warrant Jaehyun’s attention. Unfortunately, Jungwoo also has a very keen eye and notices right away that he’s being checked out.

“So, what’s my score?” Jungwoo throws out a coy smile. Jaehyun breaks his eyes away from Jungwoo’s lips in a fluster. Jungwoo’s enjoying this way too much, Jaehyun notes in dismay.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Jaehyun responds, reaching out for his drink, “You’re pretty hot,” he states as a matter-of-factly, not one to mince his words.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Jungwoo returns a compliment, peering at him over the rim of his glass with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I was expecting a snooty, somewhat outdated, stuck up son of a chaebol but you’re actually…decent. Nice face, solid build.” Jungwoo’s smile grows as he gives him a once over.

Jaehyun has had his fair share of terrible first dates, and although this could hardly be considered one, Jaehyun finds that this has to be one of the most memorable first meetings he’s ever had. Jungwoo’s presence is very comforting despite only having met him for several minutes. Already, Jaehyun has an idea of who Jungwoo is in his head. There is definitely more than meets the eye with him.

He’s proper, effortless, but also easy with his words. In a business setting, Jungwoo could probably charm his way into a client’s heart.

Their arrangement is no different from a business proposal. It has Jaehyun wondering if that’s exactly what Jungwoo’s playing at – a way to push and pull, keep him guessing, and eventually win him over. “What are your thoughts about all of this?” Jaehyun poses, gets right into it.

Jungwoo takes a few seconds to mull it over in his head. “I don’t believe in love,” Jungwoo admits, careful with his words. There’s no bitterness in his tone; just plain rationality, which makes Jaehyun even more intrigued. “Marriage is nothing but a social construct, but I’m more than happy to oblige.”

“What about you?” Jungwoo throws back.

Jaehyun wishes he could say the same, agree with conviction. He’s someone who’s on the fence about love, still finding his way around. Like Johnny had said, the closest he’d ever come to experiencing love was several years ago. But it was gone before he’d even had a chance to explore what could have been. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but what happened years ago had unwittingly left a deep scar.

However, it’s a bit much, and he’s certainly not about to unload his complicated views onto Jungwoo on their first meeting. Instead, he settles for a quirky response. “I think it could be fun,” he says with a shrug. He pauses, “Will you be down to fuck, though?”

Jaehyun’s met with some prudes, but Jungwoo is barely fazed by his crudeness, which, in his books, is a total plus. It is, after all, a very important question.

“I don’t see why not,” Jungwoo supplies thinkingly. Jaehyun’s gaze falls upon his tongue that had come out to lick his lips. Jaehyun’s own lips quirk into a grin when he leans in closer to find that Jungwoo doesn’t pull away.

“We should make the most of it, shouldn’t we?” Jaehyun questions lowly, very much aware of how his breath fans across the expanse of Jungwoo’s wet lips. Jungwoo nods, eager when he makes the first move.

Kissing Jungwoo is nice. He’s experienced, knows what to do with his tongue and how to keep him on edge. There’s a teasing smile playing on Jungwoo’s lips when he pulls away, “You won’t fall for me, will you?”

Jaehyun, with marks on the edge of his heart and mountains for walls, only laughs.

The engagement isn’t as flashy as he thought it would be.

In all, the only people in attendance are his and Jungwoo’s parents. They exchange engagement rings in a gesture that’s less than fancy before proceeding to discuss business and logistics over dinner.

Jungwoo is bringing his best game tonight. Jaehyun notices the absence of a smile on his face, and there is no trace of any amusement in his tone. He looks at his food more than he looks at anyone else in the room, and Jaehyun couldn’t blame him. He’d honestly rather be anywhere else, too.

“Hyerim mentioned that we could have the wedding at their summer house in Kagoshima.” Eun Hye turns to smile at Jungwoo’s mother. “You mentioned it over the phone last week.”

Jaehyun tries not to cringe at his mother’s bold suggestion. She hadn’t been subtle about her enthusiasm about the wedding since it’s conception. One would think _she_ was the one who was getting married.

“Japan?” In Soo echoes reprovingly. “That’s a bit excessive.”

Jaehyun nods in silent agreement even though he could care less about where it was. In fact, if it were up to him, he’d want to get it done and over with, quick and easy. He was getting sick of having to hear her talk about it.

Eun Hye tuts at him. “We only have one son, and he only gets married _once_. Let me have this.” Jaehyun would laugh if it weren’t so painfully true. But Jaehyun is a filial son who loves his mother dearly even if she has some overly nauseating tendencies.

“We can fly the guests out to Japan,” Eun Hye adds.

“That’s settled, then,” Hyerim accedes with a polite smile. “Jungwoo, dear, what do you think?”

Jaehyun almost chokes on his drink at the face Jungwoo pulls, breaking out of his façade. Jaehyun feels himself relax when Jungwoo looks over at him for the first time that night, if only to mock the whole affair with a roll of his eyes.

After dinner, the parents leave them to themselves and Jaehyun pulls Jungwoo to a park nearby to clear their heads. Jungwoo is quiet, and Jaehyun finds it awfully disconcerting.

“It’s not the end of the world,” Jaehyun says to cheer him up. It’s a miserable attempt and does absolutely nothing to draw out a reaction from Jungwoo.

“The wedding’s in three months,” Jungwoo states. Three months. Jaehyun knows it’ll be here in a blink of an eye. In three months he’ll be someone’s husband, _Jungwoo’s_ husband, and he still doesn’t know how he feels about it.

“Will you keep the ring on till then?” Jungwoo muses, although it sounds more like a request. They come to a stop in the middle of a quiet section of the park. Jungwoo is only a little taller than he is, but the way he’s regarding him somehow makes him look like he’s smaller.

“And if I don’t?” Jaehyun challenges lightly, testing the waters, as he twists the expensive piece of jewellery around his finger. It’s a little loose, like it’s not meant to be there.

Jungwoo shrugs. “I know this isn’t the most ideal situation, but if you do find someone I won’t hold it against you. Just—let me know, alright?” For the first time, he sounds unsure. “Don’t play me for a fool. You don’t want to make me an enemy,” he warns, sets boundaries as what Jaehyun can only presume to be a safeguard.

Jaehyun laughs to break up the sudden tension that had transpired between them. “I’m not an asshole,” he reassures softly.

“Prove it to me,” Jungwoo demands, walking away.

It takes Jaehyun a few seconds to gather his thoughts before he moves, falling into step.

Jaehyun’s world comes crashing down with a single text.

It’s from Jungwoo, a few weeks after their engagement. _Just found out our company’s buying out yours with our marriage,_ it reads.

The implication of it hits him in the face. The confusion comes first, followed by the slow sting of betrayal. The whole thing is a lie; finding him someone who could support him in leading the family’s company had been a pretense for a _literal_ business deal. His arranged marriage is nothing but a price to pay for a higher share in the market, and the thought makes Jaehyun sick with disgust. He feels like a piece in his father’s game of chess, and everything he’d ever known is a deception.

Of course they’d decided to reveal it after the engagement, when the deal is more or less set in stone. Jeong In Soo may be shrewd, but Jaehyun’s mind works fast. Despite the growing anger in his chest, Jaehyun is calm as he gets up and sets to work.

It’s seemingly impulsive when he finds himself sat at the boarding area almost two hours later, passport gripped tightly in his hand, but in reality he knows he’s had this planned for a while.

The first thing to know when it comes to running away from your own wedding is to make sure you’re on the plane before you text your best friend what’s going on. Jaehyun loves Johnny, knows he always means well and looks out for him like he was his little brother, but Johnny’s just the _nosiest_ person. Jaehyun just _knows_ Johnny is going to drag his ass back the second he catches wind of his stupidity, and Jaehyun would rather get a head start.

The weight of his actions still hasn’t sunk in when the plane starts to move with a rumble. Jaehyun twists the ring off his finger and keeps it in his wallet. For now, the sight of it is only a reminder of the shit show of a situation.

Jaehyun watches with bated breath as his message gets sent before he cowardly switches it to plane mode and chucks it into his bag to stew with his other worries.

Travelling is a huge part of his life. Before he’d been initiated into the company, he’d tagged along on his father’s business trips, a way to get him used to what his life would be. Even if the trips often left him exhausted, it was a fascinating world.

But before this life was one he’d lived as a simple boy in Busan. Before his father found success in the industry, before they owned flashy cars and lived in tailored suits, Jaehyun was just a boy who climbed fences and caught fireflies. It feels like a lifetime ago. Jaehyun feels like that part of him is slipping away, and this is his one last shot at saving it.

He can already hear Johnny’s voice in his head. _Are you crazy?_ To be fair, he rarely ever is. But anyone else in his shoes would have done the same, Jaehyun reasons. He needs time to himself to sort his shit, and he couldn’t do that when his life is currently a reminder that he’s a business deal before he was a person.

Thankfully, the fourteen-hour plane ride leaves him too exhausted to worry his mind about any possible consequences, and by the time he steps off the plane in Madrid, all that he’s looking forward to is not smelling like airplane food and a nice, big bed to sink into.

He’s never been to Europe. Most of his trips involving the company had been centred around the States and neighbouring countries, Southeast Asia. The only reason why he’d picked Madrid of all places was because he’d always wanted to go there. There’s no special reason for it, no deeper meaning to it.

Clearly he hadn’t thought things through, he realises, when he’s stuck at the front desk of the hotel trying to explain that he wants the biggest room they have even if he’s come alone, only to find that there’s an evident language barrier between them.

“Executive room?” he tries again, this time in English. He sighs when the poor receptionist shakes her head in confusion, another string of Spanish leaving her lips. It’s stupid, and frankly a little obnoxious, to have a complete meltdown over something that trivial, but Jaehyun finds himself overcome with a sense of helplessness as he stares at the marbled tiles, wondering just how in the world he’d gotten himself stuck where he was.

 _“This guest is asking if you have an executive room available for him.”_ Jaehyun hears a new voice speak up in heavily accented Spanish.

 _“Yes,”_ the lady eagerly says, the only word he understands. Jaehyun feels relief wash over him as he’s finally handed the keys to his room.

He turns to thank the kind stranger only to be met with a sight that tilts his world off its axis.

Jaehyun opens his mouth but is overcome by a feeling he can’t place. He breathes in deeply, collected when he lets it out slowly. His heart is in his throat when they meet eyes. “Hi,” he manages without making a complete fool of himself.

Kim Doyoung stares at him like he hadn’t expected to see him there, which – fair. _He_ hadn’t expected to be met with a ghost of his past, in Madrid, no less. There’s incredulity in his eyes to accompany the bewildered look on his face. Jaehyun doesn’t know how to handle the emotions – a tidal wave of confusion, regret and disbelief all at once – so he gives in to it, lets himself drown in the feelings. The hardened look in Doyoung’s eyes reminds Jaehyun of what he’d once given up, and his broadened shoulders and filled cheeks tells him of the years that have passed.

Jaehyun watches the way Doyoung schools his expression into something more neutral. “Hello,” he greets, quiet. Reserved. His demeanour makes him out to be someone Jaehyun can barely recognise. In a way it’s true. Seven years is a long time. People have changed in less.

Maybe it’s the exhaustion, but Jaehyun feels his chest inexplicably fill with nostalgia at the sight of Kim Doyoung with his exterior fading to reveal an innocence of someone who hadn’t once been hurt from being left behind.

“It’s been a while,” Jaehyun utters. To his surprise, Doyoung visibly relaxes as a slow, tentative smile spreads across his face.

“It has,” he agrees, conversational. “Seven years, is it?”

Jaehyun nods, mildly embarrassed and wondering if Doyoung vividly remembers their last encounter just like he does.

Doyoung is contemplative as he regards him. “I’m headed to my room,” he finally says. “It seems like we’re on the same floor.” He straightens himself. “You look exhausted. Come on, I’ll help with your suitcase.”

Jaehyun would be stupid to refuse the offer. Not caring if he might seem too eager, Jaehyun doesn’t waste another second as he moves so Doyoung can reach around for his luggage.

The ride up the elevator is silent but Jaehyun can’t help himself from sneaking glances at Doyoung who keeps his gaze fixed on the floor numbers as they ascend. It feels like an eternity but in reality Jaehyun knows it can’t have been no more than several seconds. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, gathering the courage to say something, _anything_.

“Are—”

“How—”

A laugh escapes Jaehyun’s lips when he realises that they’d both tried to break the silence at the same time. Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. He gestures with a hand. “Sorry, you go ahead.”

“How have you been?” Doyoung avoids his gaze, hesitating, like he’s unsure of what to say. Jaehyun can’t blame him. It’s a loaded question. Did he meant after what had happened between them? Or where he is in his life right now? There were just so many ways this could go.

Doyoung settles for a safe response. “I’m good. Life’s— well,” Doyoung manages an awkward laugh, “Life’s life.” An elevator is hardly the place to suss out repressive emotions.

They arrive at their floor with a quiet ding and Jaehyun makes a split-second decision to make sure that this isn’t the last time he’s going to see Doyoung again when they make it to the front of his door. His heart is racing when he sputters, “How long will you be here for?”

Doyoung’s eyes are wide when he regards him, as if he’s surprised that Jaehyun has moved past formalities within their short encounter. “I…” he says, trailing off. He worries his lower lip as he contemplates. “…It’s complicated,” he finishes.

“Will you still be here in the morning?” Jaehyun can’t help the way he holds his breath.

Doyoung, standing there staring at him like he still can’t believe Jaehyun is in front of him again, still looks like the most beautiful person Jaehyun’s ever seen.

“Yes,” Doyoung says in affirmation.

Jaehyun lets out the breath he’d been holding. “Have breakfast with me,” he requests, feeling like it’s the first thing he’s done right in weeks. The smile that appears across Doyoung’s face sparks a hope within him.

“Yeah, okay,” Doyoung replies, somewhat bashful, “Sure.” He points down the hallway. “I’m in 1130. Just ring me when you’re ready.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

“Goodnight, Jaehyun.” He marvels at the way his name had rolled off Doyoung’s tongue, easy, sure. Like they haven’t been robbed of years.

Jaehyun stands in the middle of the room for several minutes after he makes it inside, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Kim Doyoung was here. Sweet, kind Doyoung who used to be Jaehyun’s whole world. Jaehyun can’t believe he’s given another chance to, maybe, have Doyoung in his life again. He doesn’t care that he’s probably getting ahead of himself. The excitement from having bumped into Doyoung builds as his mind starts to entertain thoughts that this could be fate.

Jaehyun plugs up his phone and watches in disdain as all hell breaks loose. Emails from work dominate his notifications, but Johnny’s name on the screen makes him fill with dread. He’d sent an unimaginable number of texts, but they’re all of the same sentiment: to get his ass back to Korea or face the terrifying wrath of Johnny Suh. He’s honestly so screwed.

But Johnny’s threats aren’t enough to put him off. Jaehyun’s racing thoughts trump the fear of having Johnny yell at him about his poor choices in life. It’s way too early in Seoul, but Johnny picks up the call on the first try, sounding both frantic and vexed.

“I sent you those texts just to make it clear that I’m not gonna abet you in ruining your own life,” Johnny declares when the video call connects. Jaehyun can make out the irritation on his face despite the terrible connection. “I could care less if you wanna go off the grid – that’s your own funeral – _but_ the first person your dad is going to come after when he finds out is _me_.” Johnny rambles on, “Please, for the love of god, I’m begging you not to implicate me in your Jeong family drama.”

“Did you really expect me to be okay with signing off the rights to my own life?” Jaehyun retorts indignantly. “It’s like making a deal with the devil.”

“There are more rational ways to deal with it than to run away like a knocked up, reckless teen,” Johnny chastises with a deep, troubled frown.

“Admittedly it’s not the most ideal solution but it’s the only thing that’s going to buy me some time, alright? At least until I figure something out,” Jaehyun snaps. “Besides,” he continues, recalling the reason for calling in the first place, “Something odd just happened.”

Johnny scoffs. “I think we’re way past the point of normal considering you’re literally in a different continent when your wedding’s less than two months away,” he snarkily remarks.

“You would feel suffocated too if you were in my shoes,” Jaehyun says accusatorily.

“Like I said, I want no part in this,” Johnny maintains, even if Jaehyun knows that Johnny’s resolve will crumble sooner or later. Johnny is an avid believer in tough love, but in reality he’s a total softie at heart. Jaehyun’s the younger brother he’s never had, which only makes him want to protect him no matter the repercussions.

Jaehyun rarely shows his affection but he really is thankful of Johnny’s presence in his life. He’s always _there,_ no judgements, no questions asked. Always ready to rope him back when he goes too far. But Jaehyun doesn’t want to be anchored this time. He wants to follow his heart, and its saying he needs to take a chance.

“Johnny, listen,” Jaehyun tries again, “He’s here,” he quickly makes out. “Kim Doyoung’s here, and he’s literally four rooms away from me, right this moment.”

Johnny freezes, face changing with slow realisation. “Jaehyun,” he says warningly, “ _No.”_

Jaehyun ignores the caution in his tone. “What if this is a sign?”

“You don’t believe in fate,” Johnny pointedly reminds him.

“Yeah but—I mean,” Jaehyun interjects. His head spins with thoughts that leave him out of breath. “What are the chances that we’re both here, 5000 miles away from home, in the same city?” His heart races, “What are the odds that we’re both in the same place, at the same time?” The more he thinks about it, the more convincing it sounds. “…why did we meet again right when I’m about to commit my life to someone else?” he adds in a whisper.

Jaehyun rubs a hand down his face out of sheer frustration. “Why does it feel like the universe is trying to tell me something?”

Johnny’s sigh is discouraging to say the least. “Let’s say it _is_ a sign from the universe or whatever you call it for a moment,” Johnny says placatingly, “How would you know you’re just not meant to have some kind of closure with your past?” Johnny reasons.

“Since we’ve met, you haven’t once given yourself to anyone. I’m not the smartest person, but I _am_ your best friend, and it’s not hard to see that the only reason why you haven’t found love is because you haven’t moved on from this Doyoung dude. You can deny it all you want, Jae, but you’re stuck on him because you’re inundated with the regret of having left him when he asked you to stay.”

Johnny’s words hit him like an arrow to his heart. He’s skirted around the reason all this time, but now that it’s out there in the open, he feels like he’s being cut open, and it leaves him feeling helpless and vulnerable. Johnny’s right. But it still hurts to hear it from someone else, clear as day.

“Wow,” he lets out a breathy laugh of disbelief. “That’s— That’s,” Jaehyun sputters. He doesn’t know what to say. Johnny realises the effect of his words on him and decides that it’s been a very emotionally taxing twenty-four hours.

“Look, you’re tired. You’re not thinking straight,” Johnny asserts with finality. “Take a nice, hot shower and get some rest. I’ll be there in a few days, and we can work it out then.”

_Madrid_

Jaehyun is awake even before his alarm sounds.

He feels giddy with anticipation as he readies himself for the day, taking extra care in making sure he looks better than he had the night before. Breakfast service starts at six, but Jaehyun is in front of Doyoung’s room by then, excited at the thought of spending some time with him even if it were just for a meal.

Johnny’s warning sits in the back of his mind, but Jaehyun could care less about that right now. All he knows is that Doyoung’s waiting for him, and he would deal with any consequences as they come – Jaehyun has a feeling that hasty decisions is going to be a recurring theme of this trip, whatever it was.

“You’re way too early,” Doyoung notes when he answers the door. Despite his words, he looks like he’s all set himself, decked in a pair of jeans and a cream coloured sweater. His sense of fashion is exactly like what it was when they were in high school and his eyes are still bright with wonder, muted only by maturity. 

“I thought you might be an early riser,” Jaehyun confesses. It’s hard to hide the fact that he remembers the most random details about Doyoung, so Jaehyun surrenders to his thoughts and lets them determine his actions instead. He figures that Doyoung might appreciate his honesty.

“Well,” Doyoung states, showing no signs of being put off nor impressed. “I still am.”

“You look like you’re ready yourself,” Jaehyun points out as a matter-of-factly.

“Yes,” Doyoung replies in slight amusement. “Yes, I am.” Jaehyun relaxes, knowing that they’re both under the impression that the other had been looking forward to this. It eases the embarrassment of having turned up with plain eagerness.

Jaehyun has many questions on his mind, questions that make his gut churn in the most uncomfortable of ways. He notes, with sullen realisation, that Doyoung seems to be faring better, unbothered by the silence as they make their way down. The restaurant manager’s face lights up with recognition at the sight of Doyoung, and Jaehyun shuffles awkwardly at his side when they converse in Spanish.

Thankfully, the conversation ends within minutes, and Doyoung leads the way to a table by the windows. “It’s my favourite spot. You can catch the sunrise from here,” he tells with a hint of excitement.

“Just how long have you been here for that you’re already best buds with the manager and have a _spot_?” Jaehyun wonders curiously. Doyoung laughs behind the back of a hand, embarrassed. It’s a bizarre feeling, to again witness that habit of his that hasn’t faded with time. A habit that had developed from offhanded remarks that had seemed innocuous then. Jaehyun remembers the reason behind it, and his heart still aches after all this time.

“I haven’t been here for that long,” he replies defensively. The restaurant is empty save for an old couple so Jaehyun has no reservations of keeping the conversation going while they round the buffet table, “How long did you say you’ve been here for again?” he sneakily questions. His attention is on Doyoung even as he dumps granola into his own bowl.

Doyoung gives him a look from where he’s toasting bread. “I didn’t.” His reluctance doesn’t go unnoticed, and Jaehyun drops the subject even if he’s dying to know. Doyoung seems to have drawn a line. Jaehyun isn’t about to cross it, not if it meant sabotaging his chances, if any, at easing into Doyoung’s life again.

He can already guess where this is headed.

There is going to be a whole lot of small talk to ignore the elephant in the room. Jaehyun would very much like to rip open the band aid at some point, but only when Doyoung’s ready. For now, he concentrates on tiptoeing around it. Pandora’s box would have to wait for another day. 

“Are you here for business?” Doyoung spreads jam across his toast thinly, his words a careful attempt to not to pry too much.

“No,” Jaehyun says truthfully.

Doyoung takes a bite out of his bread. “You’re here on a trip, then,” he deduces. “I’m going to take a shot here and guess that you’re on your own.”

Jaehyun nods. “Yeah.” He’s reminded that it’s not _really_ a trip. But as of now he still hasn’t got a single clue as to what the hell he’s doing, so he goes along with the narrative that he’s doing some soul-searching. In a way it is kind of true. If he leaves out the fact that he has a fiancé and a wedding that’s happening in a few weeks, the story fits. Doyoung just doesn’t have to know that.

“I’m not leaving anytime soon,” Doyoung suddenly declares. He glances out the window where the streets are slowly coming to life, then turns back to look at Jaehyun. “If you want, I could bring you around town.”

Jaehyun blinks at him in slight disbelief. “You would do that?”

Doyoung shrugs. “After the disaster in the lobby I think it would be very un-Samaritan of me to leave you wandering in the streets of Madrid with no knowledge of the language.” There’s an amused smile playing on his lips, “Who knows what other trouble you might get yourself into?”

Jaehyun can’t tell if he’s making a reference to when they were kids, when he’d been quite the troublemaker, always getting himself into some shit. Doyoung, being a year older, had always bailed him out even when he hadn’t deserved it. Doyoung had always looked out for him, much like Johnny does now. 

“Right,” Jaehyun chuckles, “it’s only in your nature to help the idiots given your time as school president back in high school.” He jokes, “Glad to see that hasn’t changed.”

“Maybe it has nothing to do with me being president and more to do with the fact that you were hopeless without me,” Doyoung retorts in the same teasing tone. Jaehyun can’t deny that this small progress of Doyoung finally acknowledging their past feels like a victory. Johnny’s words ring clear in his head, and he decides, then, that his priority is to find the right words to say to undo his mistakes of the past.

“I was nothing without you,” Jaehyun murmurs in startling realisation. Doyoung offers him a kind smile. The conversation fades when the sky starts to brighten and they watch the sun rise in silence.

“Madrid is a beautiful city,” Doyoung says, later when they’re making their way down Gran Via. “I’ve been here for some time, but there’s still so much I’ve yet to explore.”

“Every building and street hold so much history.” Doyoung’s eyes light up in excitement. “It’s fascinating.”

It’s a weekend, and the place is thriving with both locals and tourists alike. Jaehyun sticks close to Doyoung, not taking his chances of losing his personal tour guide. Their arms brush up against each other every now and then but Doyoung either doesn’t realise, or doesn’t mind the contact. It’s easy, Jaehyun thinks, to fall back into some semblance of what used to be. But then again, being with Doyoung had always been easy.

“Do you remember that bakery we used to frequent after school? We used to be obsessed with their bagel.”

Jaehyun nods eagerly in recollection. “The one with the cream?”

Doyoung grins excitedly. “I found this place that sells bagels that tastes just like it.” They turn a corner and walk down an alleyway until they find a sign pointing towards a bricked building. It’s a literal hole in the wall, the door partially obscured by vine. Jaehyun wouldn’t have noticed it otherwise.

They order a set of two bagels. Jaehyun gets some black coffee to go with it, and Doyoung orders some iced tea. He doesn’t drink coffee, still. He licks the cream off the bagel, and sips his tea with every bite. The more time he spends with Doyoung, Jaehyun realises, the more Doyoung proves that he is the same person Jaehyun remembers him to be.

It’s hard to ignore his little quirks, the habits that Jaehyun used to incessantly tease him for. How could it be that, seven years later, Doyoung is still able to stir some deep-seated feelings in him?

Maybe it’s because he’d never learnt how to forget them, a small voice imparts.

The thought is terrifying, but Jaehyun watches with a fond smile as Doyoung dominates the conversations between them with anecdotes of the past and his time in Madrid the past week. Every now and then Doyoung throws in a random know-how he’d picked up during his stay in Madrid, like the way to haggle with a shopkeeper, listing the shops with the best deals, or how to read the map of the metro. It’s so _Doyoung_ , and it makes Jaehyun both warm and terribly amused.

By the time they arrive at _Plaza Mayor_ , Jaehyun has, in his head, a whole mental page of notes dedicated to Doyoung and the things he’s said.

They enter from the _Arch of Catlers,_ and Doyoung makes Jaehyun take a picture of him on the steps. The square comes into view and Jaehyun can’t help marvelling at the vastness of it. Europe definitely has a different vibe to it. It’s like a whole new world, one he’d never expected to experience.

“This is the first country I’ve been to,” Doyoung reveals. Jaehyun would have never guessed. Doyoung navigated his way through this great city with the ease and confidence of someone who had travelled extensively. Jaehyun’s been to many places but he’s never had the opportunity to explore the places he goes to. This feels new, exciting. Different.

“Are you still in Chicago?” The question catches him off guard. Doyoung’s tone is casual, but the tension in the air is suddenly palpable even as they weave through the crowd to get to the centre.

“I live in Seoul now,” Jaehyun tells him over the chatter. “I’ve, uh. Been back for quite some time.”

Doyoung merely hums. Jaehyun wonders what Doyoung’s thinking, if he’s wondering why Jaehyun hadn’t tried to reach out to him. Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to share what he’s been up to these past few years since he got back. But one thing’s for sure: he’s not about to reveal that he’s an engaged man who’s running away from his own inevitable wedding. He wants to laugh when he thinks about it. How ridiculous would it sound if he told him? What would Doyoung think of him if he knew?

A burst of courage comes to him in a serendipitous second. “What about you?”

Doyoung’s chest rises deeply. Jaehyun can appreciate what he feels, the heaviness in his heart when he thinks about what’s done. He doesn’t look at Jaehyun when he responds, “Moved out of Busan couple of years after you left.” He pauses, finally turning to regard Jaehyun. “Actually, I just completed my masters at SNU.”

“Congrats on your masters,” Jaehyun expresses.

Doyoung breaks out into the tiniest smile, hesitant. “You wanted to know what I’m doing here; there’s no real reason for it. I just needed some time to unwind, thought Spain was a good place to start.”

“You mean to say that you and I have been in the same city the past four years but we only bumped into each other 5000 miles away from home?”

There’s a wry smile on Doyoung’s face. “Life works in mysterious ways.”

In front of them Phillip III and his horse stands tall and grand. Jaehyun isn’t much for history, but Doyoung’s enthusiasm is contagious. He’d spent the whole afternoon listening intently to the stories Doyoung’s learnt, awed at the amount of information Doyoung had memorised. This particular statue had a rich history but Jaehyun couldn’t remember any more than a third of it even if he tried. Doyoung’s fervour for life is truly admirable. It had always been something Jaehyun loved.

“Besides,” Doyoung continues, admiring the statue, “A friend of mine is having a wedding in Paris in a few weeks and I thought I’d take the opportunity to do some sightseeing before I make my way up to France.”

It sounds just like his lie. Except Doyoung is probably telling the truth. In fact, he has an actual, solid reason to be here. Jaehyun itches with the guilt of his conscience, hiding his sudden discomfort with a cough. “Well, I’ve always wanted to come here myself,” he settles.

Jaehyun stares dumbly when Doyoung holds a hand out. Doyoung chuckles, hand coming closer, “Give me your phone. I’ll take a picture for you.” Jaehyun thinks it’s odd, to take a picture with a statue whose existence he had no idea of before this. But he figures he should play the tourist while he’s here.

“Something to remember of your trip,” Doyoung clarifies, signalling for him to move a little to his right, “A picture lasts forever.”

Jaehyun smiles for the picture, feels his dimples dig deep. Instead of the camera, his eyes are trained on Doyoung who has a widely uncontrolled grin across his face. There’s a loud click of the shutter and the phone falls away.

“Now you have the first memory of your trip to Spain,” Doyoung remarks, the smile still on his face. Jaehyun doesn’t repudiate his claim, even though the first memory ingrained in his mind is of Doyoung, and everything else since has paled in comparison.

Their last stop for the day is _El Retiro_.

“It’s my favourite place in Madrid so far.” Jaehyun isn’t surprised. Doyoung had always had a penchant for nature.

It becomes some sort of a routine with Doyoung leading the way through the park. They walk along the lake and admire the massive columns and statues of the Alfonso XII monument. Jaehyun is starting to appreciate the statues. They were symbolic of a past, they tell stories that would otherwise be forgotten. Unlike the statues, his and Doyoung’s past feels like a ghost. Intangible. But the feelings, they are real.

They explore the gardens of _Cecilio Rodríguez_ and Jaehyun helps Doyoung take some very aesthetic shots. His inner child unleashes at the sight of some roaming peacocks. Doyoung looks wildly embarrassed when he starts to chase them but soon succumbs to the peer pressure as they try to befriend the creatures like they’re a couple of kids.

Eventually they make it to the highlight of the park: The Glass Palace, a conservatory made out of glass and metal. It’s as magnificent as it sounds and looks like something out of a fairy tale. There, Doyoung greets a man in a beret armed with a wooden easel and a paintbrush.

“I had a portrait done the first time I came.” Doyoung turned to the man and they exchange a few words in Spanish before he skips over to one of the steps by the lake. He beckons Jaehyun over, patting the spot next to him. “He’s really good. Prepare to have your mind blown.”

The sun is perched low in the sky, and the golden glow frames Doyoung’s face in an ethereal manner. Jaehyun is brought back to a time where he’d been head over heels for this boy, who is now a man. It has only been a couple of hours but it’s felt like a lifetime of yesterdays as Jaehyun struggles to comprehend the recurring urge to touch this man, hold him close, and never let go.

It terrifies him.

The fact that Kim Doyoung has somehow managed to make him feel so many different emotions in the span of a day, some confusing, others seemingly irrevocable.

Seven years is not enough time to forget about someone, or the feelings they stirred. And one day is barely enough to come to terms with it. Tomorrow he would awake, and it would be just like it never happened. He would be the man trying to escape his reality, wishing things were different.

“What are you thinking?” Doyoung’s voice is soft, a gentle pull back to reality.

“You were right.” It’s been a beautiful day. So unlike the current predicament of his life. Jaehyun lets himself immerse in the beauty of it.

“About what?” Doyoung shifts his body to face him.

“How beautiful this city is.” The future seems less daunting, even if for a moment.

“I’m always right,” Doyoung says teasingly.

Their painting is complete in no time. Doyoung pays for it, tips him like the person he is. They go back to the steps to admire the artwork. Jaehyun can hardly believe it when he sees the painting for the first time. It obliterates any expectations he’s previously harboured.

“He draws people how he sees them.” Doyoung can’t peel his eyes off it either.

The artist had captured a vulnerable moment between them. It’s hard to ignore the fact that they’re gazing at each other as if they’re the only people they see. It’s a beautiful country, so many different sights around them, but in Jaehyun’s eyes there is only Kim Doyoung.

Doyoung thrusts the painting into his arms like he couldn’t bring himself to hold it any longer. “You can have it,” he murmurs, startled by the emotions its brought on.

Jaehyun clears his throat but words fail him. “This place has been through a lot. Years of neglect and destruction from war,” Doyoung says with a laugh, eager to change the subject and saving them both from the awkwardness. “But here it is, still standing.”

Jaehyun hadn’t realised, how he’d leaned in closer. So close their knees bump against each other’s. Doyoung’s presence is a force to be reckoned with, and Jaehyun is helpless to his magnetic pull. “It’s like a testament to its strength. A sign of the universe that it belongs here, just like this.”

 _Just like us?_ Jaehyun wonders to himself. “Do you still believe in fate?” His own words evoke a sense of déjà vu.

It’s 2012 and they’re sitting on the beach, watching the sunset. _It feels like_ e _verything that has happened has led me to this moment, right here,_ _with you,_ a nineteen-year-old Doyoung had said. At the time Jaehyun hadn’t thought much of it. _That sounds stupid_ , was all he had said. Typical Jeong Jaehyun. Insensitive. A _fool_.

The cries of a child who had fallen reminds Jaehyun where he is. Doyoung is watching the child who makes no move to pick himself up. His mother comes running, taking him into her arms. It’s all it takes for him to stop crying. Jaehyun could only wish, for him, it were as simple.

There’s a small smile on Doyoung’s lips but a melancholic look in his eyes when he says, “I do.”

  
“Will I see you again?” Jaehyun asks, any reservations out the window when they make it back to the hotel. He hadn’t expected for Doyoung to spend his whole day with him and Jaehyun finds himself hoping for something more to come out of it.

A smile blooms on Doyoung’s face. “I don’t know.” He taps his card to open the door to his room. “You have my number, don’t you?” He looks amused as he slowly closes the door, leaving it open just enough for Jaehyun to witness his small grin turn into a coy smile. The curl of his lips drives Jaehyun insane.

It takes a second for Jaehyun to process Doyoung’s words, and when he does, his eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I don’t remember exchanging numbers.”

There’s a mysterious glint in Doyoung’s eyes. “Check your phone,” is all he says before he bids him a quiet goodnight and closes the door in his face. Jaehyun doesn’t bother moving as he rushes to retrieve his phone, scrambling to get to his contacts. His phone pings with an incoming message before he even makes it past the first alphabet.

 _an old friend has sent you a message,_ it reads _._

**an old friend**

I’m glad we met again, Jeong Jaehyun.

An old friend.

Before Doyoung had turned into a lover that never was, he was a friend. Before things had turned complicated and Jaehyun had pushed him away, Doyoung had been his best friend who stuck with him through everything. A sense of calm washes over him as he reads the message over and over, repeats it until it’s ingrained into his heart. Now that he knows where Doyoung stands, he feels one step closer to resolving the emptiness his decisions had caused seven years ago.

He calls Johnny as soon as he’s back in his own room, lamenting with a quiet, “I’m fucked.”

“ _Language_ ,” Johnny tuts, voice gruff with sleep.

“I want to kiss him. I really do.” Jaehyun interrupts him. He flops onto his back onto his bed with a colossal sigh.

“ _It’s only been a day_.” Jaehyun can imagine Johnny raising an eyebrow. His admission sounds premature, even to himself, but his heart has had a mind of his own ever since he’d bumped into Doyoung the night before.

“You were right,” Jaehyun says seriously, referencing to that night Johnny had brought up his past in what had seemed to be of no relation at the time. He pauses, biting the inside of his cheek. “He was my first love,” he admits softly. “I’ve never told anyone. I mean, I didn’t want to believe it myself.”

 _“Why’s that?”_ Any trace of amusement is gone from Johnny’s tone.

“I left before anything could happen,” Jaehyun tells him regretfully. “It felt like—like a piece of me was missing, for the longest time after that.”

 _“It feels like you left things unresolved,”_ Johnny supplies. Jaehyun nods resignedly. Johnny can’t see him but Jaehyun believes that Johnny understands the gravity of his realisation with the silence that follows.

“He was my friend before anything else, and I was young and frankly so _stupid_. I said some really hurtful things that night,” Jaehyun admits shamefully.

The suffocating feeling grows as the memories he’d fought so hard to repress come back in waves. “The things I said… all this time, I pretended I hadn’t ever said those things to him. I quite literally obliterated what happened and convinced myself it never did. But now that he’s here, in front of me, I, I, can’t stop thinking about making things right.”

It’s so quiet that Jaehyun can hear the way Johnny wets his lips on the other end of the line as he consolidates his thoughts. Jaehyun can’t anticipate Johnny’s response. He had always been the more rational of them and more often than not, Johnny’s advice proves to be sound. Jaehyun tells himself that he will consider Johnny’s advice this time, just like he always does, even if he might not like it.

 _“Have you even told Jungwoo?”_ Johnny chastises, but his tone is gentle and firm. _“You can’t do that to him, Jae. Don’t be that person. You’re better than that.”_

“Would it be so wrong for me to reconcile with Doyoung?” Jaehyun argues, feeling oddly defensive. As far as he knows, he isn’t breaking any rules. “As friends?” he adds for good measure.

 _“You’re digressing,”_ Johnny remarks disparagingly. Jaehyun rolls his eyes to the ceiling, brings his free arm across his chest to tuck his hand under an armpit like a petulant child.

 _“I mean it, Jae. Call him, text him. I don’t care what you do. As long as you tell him what’s going on.”_ Johnny’s tone leaves no room for argument but Jaehyun has always been a little hard headed.

“That kind of defeats the purpose of this whole running away from your own wedding thing, doesn’t it?” he disputes. “What do I even say to him?”

 _“The truth,”_ Johnny simply says. Jaehyun bites back a snide remark but can’t help the scoff that leaves his lips. _“Get your act together Jae. You better not be a complete, laundry on the floor, beer faced mess when I get there on Sunday.”_

“Sunday?” Jaehyun echoes, shocked. “That’s tomorrow.”

 _“Twenty-five hours to be exact, so it’s not technically tomorrow.”_ Johnny groans, sheets crackling when he shifts. _“I’ve got to get ready for work soon. I have a week’s worth of work to clear so I can take some time off to solve your problems for you.”_

“Thanks, man,” Jaehyun says in a small voice. Johnny grunts in response and Jaehyun cracks a small smile, knowing Johnny would do anything for him. He really is the best.

 _“I’ll see you tomorrow buddy,”_ Johnny says, _“And don’t forget about that thing I told you.”_

Jaehyun doesn’t need Johnny to repeat to know what, or _who,_ he’s referring to. When the call ends, Jaehyun’s attention is brought to several messages from his father.

Jaehyun is only slightly comforted when he realises that each are only of a business nature. The only thing that stops him from disintegrating in terror is the fact that his father hadn’t seemed to catch onto his bullshit. But his messages are still a startling reminder of what he would have to go back to.

Jaehyun drags himself to the mini fridge to grab a drink. He decides against the alcohol and pops open a bottle of sparkling water. Jaehyun chugs the drink to relieve the parched feeling that had arisen just thinking about replying his father’s messages when he’s not really where he should be. He sits perched on the edge of the bed, fingers hovering over his screen, poised to lie.

Another sip of water clears his head, enough to tend to the contents of the message. He types out a reply, something he would usually say, and presses the send button before he could spend more time fretting over it. A relieved sigh leaves his lips even if he knows that it is only a temporary solution.

By the time Jaehyun turns his attention to the _Jungwoo_ problem, he finds that he’s run out of courage for the day. Jaehyun feels terrible. Jungwoo should have been his priority; he was stuck in this situation as much as Jaehyun was. They were both, equally, victims of circumstances.

Jaehyun spends the next few minutes fighting a losing battle with himself. In the end, the fear wins him over and he resolves to put off telling Jungwoo for another day.

Tomorrow, Johnny will be here.

Jaehyun breathes in deeply. _One step at a time._

Jaehyun has never been good at waiting.

 _Patience is a virtue,_ his mother used to tell him. She would sit him down at the kitchen table and make him watch the cake bake in the oven for close to an hour. _If you can wait that long, you will have cultivated the art of waiting and the cake would taste a hundred times better,_ she would say.

He’d always wound up changing the timer, sneakily setting it at ten minutes less than the recommended time when his mother wasn’t looking. He was sure that his mother had noticed every time, but she would never say a word. A soggy, undercooked cake, to her, was punishment enough.

His impatience, despite being a bad habit, is innate of his personality.

So when midday rolled around and Jaehyun hadn’t received a single text from Doyoung, Jaehyun began to feel antsy. Doyoung hadn’t been to breakfast, and there had been no answer when Jaehyun had gone over to knock at his door. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, Jaehyun opens up their chat and stares at the last message he’d sent the night before.

_Me too. Thanks again for today._

He types out a message, _where are you?_ but doesn’t send it. Would it be an overstep of boundaries to ask Doyoung where he was? Would Doyoung figure out his intentions, whatever they were, just from a message?

He fights this inner conflict, pushes and pull at it for several minutes, before he finally thinks, _fuck it,_ and sends it. Jaehyun wants to laugh at himself when Doyoung’s reply comes barely a second later.

_Eugenio Trías public library._

A few seconds later a picture comes through, one Jaehyun believes to be of Doyoung’s current view. Pulse picking up in excitement, Jaehyun throws on a jacket and slips into his shoes, ready to leave.

The library, for the most part, sticks out.

The architecture is unlike the European motif of most of the buildings in the city. It’s modern and reminds Jaehyun of the ones back in Seoul, where he’d spent his days and nights toiling on his journey to complete his education.

Despite the simple layout, Jaehyun still finds himself walking around in circles. When he ends up in the same courtyard for the third time, Jaehyun stops dead in the middle of the pathway with a frustrated groan to stare at the picture yet again. He could care less about the way everyone has to walk around him.

A new picture pops up in the chat and Jaehyun scrambles to open it. He’s utterly mortified when he realises it’s of him taken seconds ago, people parting around him like the Red Sea. Jaehyun looks up in the supposed direction and finally spots Doyoung at the café.

Doyoung is sipping on a hot chocolate latte, set with a Spanish book in hand when Jaehyun approaches. By the smirk on his face, Jaehyun could tell he had been watching him for quite some time.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d seen me?” Jaehyun grumbles, sliding into an empty seat.

“It was way too much fun watching you walk around in circles like a lost little puppy,” Doyoung admits unabashedly. Jaehyun can’t even find it in himself to be mad at the way Doyoung laughs behind a hand.

“I didn’t see you at breakfast,” Jaehyun says instead.

“I’m starting to think that you came to Madrid with no concrete plan in mind,” Doyoung remarks with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m more of a free and easy kind of guy,” Jaehyun says sheepishly. Doyoung regards him for a moment before returning to his book.

He questions, terribly casual, “Are you sure you’re not just running away from something?”

The smile disappears from Jaehyun’s face, his heart feels like it’s dropped from a thousand feet. “What do you mean?”

Doyoung shrugs, turning a page of his book. “I once had a friend who ran away right before she was due to walk down the aisle on her wedding day.”

Jaehyun’s heart races as he swallows hard in an attempt to quell his nerves. “That’s ridiculous,” he retorts with a scoff.

“People do crazy things when confronted with problems,” Doyoung reasons. “She loved him, but the thought of spending the rest of her life with someone scared the crap out of her.”

“You’re making that up,” Jaehyun accuses. He realises, belatedly, that he’s coming across as defensive. If Doyoung had noticed, he doesn’t say anything.

“She was engaged for three times and left her fiancé at the altar all three times,” Doyoung insists, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“I’m sorry to say this but she must have had some serious commitment issues,” Jaehyun comments disapprovingly even if he doesn’t know where Doyoung is going with this.

“You’ve never watched The Runaway Bride, have you?” This time, Doyoung breaks out into a full smile.

Jaehyun frowns in realisation. “Is that a movie?”

“Bingo,” Doyoung laughs as Jaehyun’s frown deepens. Jaehyun grunts, “That was all a lie? You were referencing a _movie_?”

Great, Jaehyun thinks sullenly as Doyoung’s eruption into a fit of giggles confirms his suspicions. His life had turned into some cheap imitation of art.

“Don’t be mad, Jaehyunnie.” Doyoung seems unaware of the words that had slipped from his lips as he goes back to his book. Jaehyun plasters to the seat, wondering if Doyoung would suddenly realise his blunder. He doesn’t. Old habits, after all, are hard to kill.

“Are you gonna sit there all day and watch me read?” Doyoung’s eyes doesn’t leave his book. It’s not an entirely terrible idea, Jaehyun subconscious tells him. It’s reminiscent of their high school days where Doyoung would spend his afternoons with his nose buried in some book, studying for an exam, and Jaehyun would just _be there_ for moral support. Those had been happy times.

“If you want me to,” Jaehyun replies cheekily. Doyoung opens his mouth to say something but his eyes avert to Jaehyun’s right ear.

“Oh?” Doyoung leans in closer. It’s not until his fingers curl, tentative, around his earlobe that Jaehyun realises what’s caught his attention. Doyoung’s touch on his skin burns and cools at the same time. He stays as still as he could, absurdly afraid to move. This close, Jaehyun can almost count Doyoung’s lashes.

“You got your ear pierced.” It’s not a question more than a realisation. Doyoung rubs over the small silver hoop before his hand falls away. Jaehyun had asked him, once, when they were in high school, for his opinion on getting his ear pierced. Doyoung had shut down that idea – _it doesn’t suit you, Jaehyunnie_.

“I never thought it would suit you, but it actually does,” he compliments. Jaehyun’s still stuck on how Doyoung’s actions have suddenly become bolder than it’d been over the span of a day.

“Your earrings may have distracted me,” Doyoung huffs, in a way that makes Jaehyun’s heart stutter ridiculously. “But don’t think I’ve forgotten your intentions of being here, Jeong.”

Jaehyun’s face lights up with a slow smile. “And what, pray tell, are those intentions you speak of?”

Doyoung sits up straight, narrows his eyes at him, a rebuttal seemingly at the tip of his tongue. He sinks back into his seat, resting the book on his chest. “Are you seriously going to be trailing me like a puppy the whole time you’re here?” he asks instead.

“I had fun yesterday,” Jaehyun tells him. His honesty catches Doyoung off guard, obvious in the way the annoyance slips off his face.

“I’m glad you did.” Doyoung reaches out for his latte. “You’re kind of obliged to,” Doyoung adds, sipping at his caffeinated drink. “I _did_ dedicate my day to bringing you around when I didn’t have to.”

“You offered,” Jaehyun reminds him placatingly.

Doyoung relents with a sincere smile. “I know. I don’t regret it.” His words feel like reassurance.

“Can I take you out to lunch?” The words are out of his mouth before he even has the chance to think them through. For a second he’s overcome with mortification. _This is it_ , he thinks. He’s fucked it up even before he has a chance to set things right again. After all, Doyoung is careful, meticulous. He’s reticent with his feelings, and it’s something Jaehyun is certain has not changed with time.

“But if you have plans it’s okay,” Jaehyun backtracks. Anything to salvage the situation. “Or even if you don’t want to that’s fine. I mean,” Jaehyun stutters. “I’d love to grab lunch with you.”

Doyoung had always had a habit of staring into one’s eyes. Jaehyun finds, unfortunately, that he still does. Jaehyun can’t decipher the expression on Doyoung’s face though a part of him tells him its something akin to pity.

“I have plans,” Doyoung tells him regretfully. The first thought that comes to mind is how it’s just an excuse. Why would Doyoung take him up on the offer, anyway? They couldn’t have spent a day together and suddenly be on friendly terms, even if Jaehyun had had a great time, and the feeling had been mutual.

“Oh.” Jaehyun can’t help the disappointment. He’s vaguely aware of Doyoung peering at him but he’s too embarrassed to meet his gaze. What was it Doyoung had called him? A lost puppy. Except right then, he felt like nothing more than a stupid mutt.

The hesitation is evident when Doyoung offers, “You can come if you want.”

Jaehyun finally looks up, serious when he says, matter of fact, “It’s fine if you don’t want me to.” He isn’t bitter about it. Doyoung’s proposal feels like nothing but a half-hearted attempt at assuaging his unwarranted dismay.

Doyoung shakes his head hurriedly. “No, no, it’s not that.” He is quick to dispel Jaehyun’s growing assumption, “It’s just—it’s kind of lame.” He sets his book face down in his lap, hands nervously glued to it still.

“What is?” Jaehyun gently probes, careful not to appear too hopeful. He’s made enough of a fool of himself.

Doyoung groans, like it pains him to say those words. “I have plans to go watch… an opera,” he finally admits, although rather begrudgingly, whispering the last part.

Jaehyun frowns. Despite Doyoung’s reason, it still makes no sense why Doyoung hadn’t just been upfront about it. “Alone?” he questions rather confusedly.

“See!” Doyoung groans, embarrassed. “I told you it was lame.” He sits upright, waves a hand in dismissal. “I didn’t plan to either but there was an ad about it in the hotel elevator and I’ve always wanted to watch one since I took up Spanish in university. It’s really stupid—"

“ _Hyung_ ,” Jaehyun interrupts, effectively shutting him up. Doyoung gapes at him like he hadn’t expected the label from Jaehyun. “It’s not stupid,” Jaehyun promises softly.

“You might think it’s boring...” Doyoung says uncertainly, eyes shifting uncomfortably. “You used to hate stuff like that,” he quietly adds. Jaehyun’s surprised that Doyoung still remembers the tiniest details about him, his likes and dislikes, as if there isn’t a loss of seven years between them. He’s mildly pleased, like he has had such an effect on Doyoung even after all this time.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a dull moment with you.” Jaehyun confidently discloses. He catches the bashful smile tugging at the corner of Doyoung’s lips. “It’s just like a musical, isn’t it?”

Doyoung’s grimace doesn’t go unnoticed. _Jaehyun_ , _you uncultured swine_ , he thinks to himself. But Doyoung opts to disregard his comment, thumbing at the edge of his book contemplatively.

“Okay, then.”

Jaehyun nods, unable to hide his smile, “Okay.”

“Also…” Doyoung bites his lips. This time his smile is wide and amused. “Hyung?”

“Sorry,” Jaehyun rushes to say. “You were rambling, and you weren’t listening and it just— slipped.”

“No.” Doyoung lifts his book to hide behind it. “It’s alright,” he says casually. “I— I don’t mind if you want to call me hyung.”

Jaehyun’s lips blossomed into a smile. “Alright, then, hyung.”

Never in a million years would Jaehyun have thought that he’d be sitting in an opera house, watching a Spanish opera, in Madrid, with Kim Doyoung.

Bu that’s exactly where he finds himself several hours later. Even if he hadn’t understood what they’d been singing, the performance was still amazing and the atmosphere charged. The theatre is so grand it looks like something out of a movie with its plush red cushioned seats and golden, intricate design. More than that, however, he finds himself being drawn to the mesmerised look on Doyoung’s face as his eyes stay glued to the production the entire time.

“Thoughts?” Doyoung asks as they exit the building, still buzzing with the excitement from the opera.

Jaehyun slips his hands into the pockets of his blazer. “It was good.”

Doyoung stares at him, as if waiting for him to continue. “I’m sorry, I’m really bad when it comes to stuff like this,” Jaehyun admits, discouraged. “I wish I were more eloquent with my words but truth is I know nuts about it. My life is business, and I have not many interests outside of that.”

Doyoung’s smile is encouraging as he reaches out to give a comforting touch to his elbow. He disguises it as an attempt to steer Jaehyun towards the right direction but the gesture makes Jaehyun warm all the same.

“Don’t feel bad for it,” Doyoung tells him reassuringly. “Besides, what are you saying? You’re honestly one of the wittiest person I’ve ever met.”

At that, Jaehyun lets out a dry laugh. “Now you’re just being patronizing.”

Doyoung cocks an eyebrow at him. “I’m not, but I’ll let that slide.”

“Good call,” Jaehyun agrees, nodding easily.

“Anyway, I thought it was amazing. Apart from the production itself the story they told was really food for thought. I mean, that twist in the end? They followed one narrative for every act but that last one was a _What If_ and it was—just— _really_ cool.” Doyoung’s struggle not to geek out on him is obvious, and Jaehyun finds it to be the most hilarious but endearing thing ever.

“Tell me more,” Jaehyun urges.

Doyoung regards him with dubiety. “You won’t understand.”

“Then dumb it down for me,” Jaehyun says with a laugh.

“Well,” he starts, pensive. “The way I see it, Faust was doomed to a life of drudgery. He makes a deal with the devil, yeah? Which, by the way, is a really foolish thing to do. Nothing good ever comes out of making a deal with the devil.” Doyoung continues, “He gets to live his life just as he wants, but in return he has to spend an eternity in hell. Was it really worth it, though? All I’m saying is that, in the end, life’s all about choosing a lesser evil.”

Jaehyun hums, silent as he wraps his head around the idea. Despite the grandiosity, the – _musical,_ as Jaehyun still likes to call it – had a rather profound lesson.

“What is your lesser evil?” Doyoung poses.

Jaehyun thinks about his arranged marriage, meeting Doyoung again and the slow, unfolding realisation that he might have lingering, unresolved feelings for this man before him. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t – but what _is_ his lesser evil?

Jaehyun hasn’t figured it out yet, so he settles for the truth. “I’m still working it out.”

Doyoung nods broodingly. His voice is quiet when he speaks, serious. “I can’t tell you what mine is but I’m— I’m actually running away from something.” He sneaks a glance at Jaehyun, an attempt to gauge his reaction. Jaehyun doesn’t give away his surprise.

“That part about a friend’s wedding is true,” Doyoung quickly corrects himself, “But I—” He looks embarrassed as he continues to justify his actions. “I took off from Seoul two weeks ago when I shouldn’t have.”

The new found revelation knocks Jaehyun’s senses off kilter for a moment.

What was Doyoung running away from? Responsibilities? A dreary life? _An ex lover_? There’s a bitterness in the back of Jaehyun’s throat when he thinks about that last possibility. They had only met each other again just two days ago, and there was still much Jaehyun didn’t know about the Kim Doyoung now.

“You didn’t have to tell me,” Jaehyun kindly lets him know when he’s found his words, even if he’s dying to.

“I know,” Doyoung says, wringing his hands. “I wanted to.” He hesitates, “I know it’s only been two days since we’ve met, again, and I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but it’s been… nice.” Doyoung glances at him. “Being with you.”

“Your trust in me is flattering but maybe you shouldn’t do so blindly,” Jaehyun jokes to cover up how those words had affected him. “We haven’t seen each other in a _long_ time.” Jaehyun challenges, “For all you know, I could have a nasty stain on my record.”

“Like what?” Doyoung asks with an amused smile, like he couldn’t believe Jaehyun was capable of anything of an appalling nature.

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun shrugs. “Murder,” he muses in a low tone, “Or something.”

Doyoung scoffs loudly. “We may have fallen out of each other’s lives, but I know you, Jaehyun. You’re a—”

He catches himself, licks his lips. “You’re a sweet boy. A good person. You won’t hurt anyone if you can help it.”

Although it’s a compliment, Doyoung’s words evoke a dull ache in his chest. Even after everything that’s happened, Doyoung still had kind words to say of him. Those words, coming from Doyoung, only intensifies the guilt he harbours. Jaehyun has a list of things he wants to apologise to Doyoung for, but for now he keeps it tucked in his heart.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun says instead, hoping that Doyoung can tell how sincere he truly is.

Doyoung chuckles behind a hand, runs it through his hair after. “For what?”

 _For still believing in me after all this time._ Jaehyun shakes his head with a small smile, glancing away. “Just because.”

The mood is calm and comfortable as they ride the metro back to the hotel following their exchange. The first thing Jaehyun sees when they walk through the doors, however, ruins his mood for the evening.

Johnny has arrived, and the disgruntled look he has on tells Jaehyun that he’s more than ready to haul his ass back to Seoul.

“Do you know that man?” Doyoung’s question reminds Jaehyun of his presence, and all he can think about is how terribly uncomfortable this was going to be.

“He’s looking at you funny.”

Jaehyun grimaces, slowing his pace. “Yeah,” he sighs. “He’s a friend.”

“He doesn’t look happy to see you,” Doyoung comments. He peers at Jaehyun, picking up on his reluctance. “You don’t look happy to see him either,” Doyoung remarks rather uselessly.

“It’s a long story,” Jaehyun quickly states as they approach Johnny. He’s wearing a suit, dressed like this meeting is just another one of his business appointments. To Jaehyun’s dismay, Johnny stays fixated on Doyoung.

“You’re here,” Jaehyun greets with a nervous chuckle. Jaehyun glances at Doyoung who cowers under Johnny’s heavy stare.

“So I take it that this is Kim Doyoung?”

“Yes, I am,” Doyoung responds despite his confusion. “I’m sorry, but who are you?”

Johnny’s frown dissolves to make way for a knowing grin. “I’m Johnny Suh. Jaehyunnie’s friend. From Chicago.”

“Just here to make sure Jaehyun hasn’t died yet.” Jaehyun tries to duck when Johnny reaches out to ruffle his hair. “It’s Jaehyunnie’s first solo trip.” He offers his hand.

Doyoung eyes the hand warily but eventually shakes his hand. Jaehyun realises, belatedly, that Johnny’s gesture must have caused Doyoung’s disorientation given that a bow is more commonplace than a handshake in their society. It is odd to think that, in this moment, his past and present have finally converged.

“Nice to meet you,” Doyoung says politely. If he’s curious as to how a friend of Jaehyun knows who he is, Doyoung doesn’t show it. Instead, the group of them stand in a small circle, and as the silence drags on, it becomes a game to see who would be the first to speak again. Jaehyun can’t predict Johnny’s actions, but the encounter has left him too frozen to take the next step. He shifts his weight from one foot to another, nervous as his eyes flicker between the two.

“Well.” Doyoung is the first to end the nonsense. “I’m tired, so I’m going to head up to my room.” He turns to Jaehyun, somewhat bashful when he quietly says, “Thanks for today.”

Jaehyun ignores Johnny’s pointed stare. He already knows that Johnny’s going to give him hell for it the second Doyoung walks away.

“Welcome to Madrid. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Maybe you could take Jaehyun off my hands,” Doyoung jokes. Johnny’s smile might have seemed sweet to Doyoung, but Jaehyun sees past it. He already knows Johnny is never going to let him live this down. 

“I’ll see you around. Maybe. I don’t know,” Doyoung says with an awkward laugh. Doyoung turns his whole body, a small, uncertain smile on his face when he bids Jaehyun a good night. The pair of them watch as Doyoung leaves, heading towards the elevators.

It’s only when the doors have closed that Jaehyun finally lets out the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

Johnny breaks out into the most obnoxious laugh. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were fucked.”

Jaehyun is honestly torn between wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole, and to kick Johnny where it _hurts_ (read: balls). He does neither, lets out a less than spectacular annoyed huff instead and storms away. Johnny catches up, easily falling into step with his long legs.

“He’s kinda cute,” Johnny remarks, fuel to the flame.

“Stop,” Jaehyun tries to say warningly. It ends up sounding like an embarrassed whine, which only makes Johnny laugh even harder.

“He really is,” Johnny repeats, this time more seriously.

Jaehyun’s pretty sure his ears are red. Nevertheless, he plays it off coolly. “Tell it to him yourself.”

“Maybe I will.” Johnny rises to the challenge with a teasing smile.

“Stay away from him,” Jaehyun grunts, immediately regretting his words. Johnny merely laughs.

“I’m glad you’re finding amusement in my misery,” Jaehyun scoffs. He hadn’t realised that they’d made it to his room. Jaehyun whirls around on the balls of his feet to face Johnny who gives him a questioning stare.

“You’re not serious?” Jaehyun groans when he realises what this means. He should have known that having Johnny here means that whatever freedom he’d had the past two days would cease to exist.

“ _Hola,_ roommate.” Johnny grins with a little wave.

“Why do we have to share a room?” Jaehyun laments reproachfully as he unlocks the door and steps inside, refusing to let his friend in despite knowing that Johnny is going to have his way.

“ _Because,”_ Jaehyun grunts when Johnny easily shoves him aside to push his way into the room. “We’re not here on some god damn retreat, Jaehyun.”

Johnny rids himself of the blazer, gently propping it onto a hanger and storing it away into one of the closets. “Your wedding’s in less than two months and, as your best man, I’ve vowed to take you back to Seoul before then and see to it that you don’t leave poor Jungwoo waiting at the altar.”

“I can’t do that if you’re not in my sight at all times.”

Jaehyun pulls a face. “So your solution to this is to basically _babysit_ me?”

Johnny sighs begrudgingly, like he couldn’t stand Jaehyun’s stupid. “You leave me no choice, buddy. I know you wouldn’t dare make a move with Doyoung when I’m around.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at him, arms coming to cross his chest tightly. “You underestimate me,” he petulantly says. “Also I might just revoke your best man status.”

Johnny rolls his eyes, grabbing a clean towel housekeeping had placed on one of the beds. “Now you’re just being childish. I think you and I can both agree that you’re not ready for marriage, even if we have entirely different reasons for it.”

“If you will excuse me.” Johnny stalks towards the bathroom. “I call dibs on the shower.”

Jaehyun doesn’t know what Johnny has up his sleeves, but a huge part of him knows he’s not about to yield so easily, even if the smaller, rational part of him had called on his friend for help. It’s clear that Johnny’s here to knock some sense back into him, to cajole him into calling it all off and go back to playing the good son.

At this point of time Jaehyun is still confused. He doesn’t know which part of him will triumph, but one thing’s for sure – he’s going to put up one hell of a fight.

Unfortunately, with Johnny’s constant hovering, the next time Jaehyun sees Doyoung is three days later.

On the bright side, however, Johnny had refrained from forcing him into coming clean to Jungwoo about what he’s been up to. Instead, Jaehyun spends the following days bringing Johnny to all the places Doyoung had brought him to. They pretend that the issue of him running away from his wedding isn’t hanging over their heads like a dark, ominous cloud.

Jaehyun tries his best to steer clear from the topic at every given chance even if Johnny doesn’t push at it, knowing that sooner or later, he’s bound to be cornered again. Jaehyun knows that he’s living on borrowed time, but the more it stretches, the more certain he becomes of his desires.

Jaehyun has spent the last three nights lying in bed at night texting Doyoung and reading the back and forth of their conversations, the increasingly teasing nature of Doyoung’s words. A sort of comfortable, good-natured banter that had developed between them. It remains a secret from Johnny and Jaehyun feels like a teen, sneaking around, up to something he shouldn’t be doing.

**an old friend**

Your dear friend still babysitting?

**jeong jaehyun**

Unfortunately. What’s up?

**an old friend**

Think you can sneak out?

**jeong jaehyun**

Now?

**an old friend**

It’s ok if you can’t. The baby needs his sleep, yeah?

**jeong jaehyun**

No, I’ll be at your door. Doing up my shoelaces as we speak. And which baby?

Jaehyun paces the hallway in front of Doyoung’s room, heart racing as he stares at the chat. He doesn’t know what Doyoung has in mind, but he’s already buzzing with excitement at the thought of seeing Doyoung again, starved of his presence despite it being only three days.

Johnny had passed out the moment they’d got home, exhausted from their travels. It’s not like Johnny’s keeping him caged, but the thought of having to explain to Johnny and justifying himself to his friend made Jaehyun fill with dread. It’s fortunate that he hadn’t had the need for that.

Doyoung appears a minute later, dressed in a casual pair of light-washed denim jeans and a black leather jacket, dark hair sleeked back to exude an air of charisma. The sight quite literally knocks the breath out of Jaehyun who struggles to string a sentence.

“You’re the baby,” Doyoung says in response to Jaehyun’s last text as he reaches a hand back to tug the door close behind him, seemingly unaware of the effect he’s had on Jaehyun’s sanity.

“You didn’t say to dress up,” Jaehyun blurts, tone seemingly accusatory even if that hadn’t been his intention. It’s a guise to cover up how frazzled he is.

“You look fine,” Doyoung assures him, eyes giving him a once over. All he has on is a pair of old jeans and a plain, white top. “You always look great,” he adds almost quietly. Jaehyun readjusts his posture, ego ballooning with Doyoung’s praise.

“You’ve missed me, haven’t you?” Jaehyun quips cockily, a burst of confidence surging through him.

Doyoung doesn’t try to deny it but he does casually play it off as they move towards the elevators. “Do you drink?”

Jaehyun nods. “Yeah, I do.” In his line of work, meetings with clients and business partners often involve a glass or two of some alcoholic drink. It’s so common that, for Jaehyun, it’s become more of a chore than anything. He hasn’t had a drink that’s purely for socialising in the longest time.

“Where are you taking me this time?” Jaehyun presses as they arrive at the lobby. He obediently trails behind Doyoung who strides towards the doors with purpose, adjusting the cuffs of his outerwear.

“There’s a bar nearby,” Doyoung explains, hailing a taxi by the sidewalk. “It’s a couple’s night, which means we’ll get a free flow of drinks if we come in pairs.”

“I’m just here so you can get free alcohol?” Jaehyun exclaims, affronted even as he follows after Doyoung, climbing into the back of the taxi without dissent.

Doyoung raises his eyebrows at him. “You can refuse, you know.” There’s a knowing glint in his eyes when Jaehyun doesn’t say anything to refute. Doyoung puts on his seatbelt, leans into the seat as he informs the driver of their destination.

“We’ve never had a drink together,” Doyoung muses, eyes shifting to the scene outside the windows instead. Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s too soon for them to be having drinks together, but he’s not about to pass up on this chance, knowing it might be his only.

“I can handle my alcohol well,” Jaehyun tells him, _warns_ him.

Back in his university days, the endless chugging of cheap alcohol at social events always resulted in blackmail material of his friends. Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse when he’s always the only one who remembers what went down the night before, but it _did_ help get him through hellish weeks. It had never been enough to make him drunk, but it did just enough to take the edge off, fuel him through the bullshit.

Doyoung doesn’t seem surprised. Instead, there’s a smile playing on his lips when he turns to look at Jaehyun, a challenging gleam of his eyes. “I can, too.”

The silence between them for the rest of the ride gives Jaehyun time to wonder if Doyoung has any hidden intentions for inviting him out for a couple of drinks. Maybe it’s a way to extort the truth out from him, a quick and easy fix to the issue they’d managed to evade. They arrive before Jaehyun can work himself up to a fretful mess.

“It’s just a drink,” Doyoung assures him as they make their way inside, glancing at him from the side as if he’d picked up on Jaehyun’s thoughts. It’s a busy night inside, but Doyoung’s initiative to make a reservation earns them a table at the rooftop where the night air is a perfect mix of cool and humid.

On Doyoung’s recommendation, they each order a _caña_ that comes with a free, giant, bowl of tapas. They enjoy a couple of refills over light conversation in the next hour or so. But it isn’t till Jaehyun’s chest is warm and his head starts to feel weightless that he starts to appreciate the set up.

“The beer is nothing out of the ordinary, but this, this _pairing_ ,” Jaehyun jabs a finger towards the tapas and his own mug, “This combination of cheese and olives with _beer_?”

Doyoung guffaws, popping a pinch of cheese and olives into his mouth. “It’s just astounding, isn’t it?”

“ _Revolutionary_ ,” Jaehyun affirms.

They reach into the bowl at the same time and end up grabbing each other’s fingers instead. Doyoung wrestles to get them untangled for a second but Jaehyun’s mind is buzzing with alcohol and he refuses to release his grip in a bold move.

He chuckles, lifting his catch from the bowl. Doyoung’s fingers are slender to match his frame. But his hands are also big, bigger than Jaehyun’s. His mind wanders to dangerous territories, entertaining mindless thoughts of how it would look wrapped around his own.

 _Pretty,_ he bets.

“Can I have my hand back please?” Doyoung requests, a little too giddily to pass as sober.

Jaehyun snaps out of his digressing thoughts, unfurls his fingers to release Doyoung’s fingers. “There you go,” he murmurs before leaning away, clearing his throat.

Doyoung downs the last of his drink a little too quickly, wipes his mouth with the back of a hand. Jaehyun notes how his cheeks have turned red. From the alcohol or the incident, he can’t tell.

“Hey, look. You can see _El Retiro_ from here.” Doyoung points into the far distance. Sure enough, The Glass Palace stands out in the sea of buildings, its grandeur illuminated by the moonlight. The events of that day replays in Jaehyun’s mind, almost like a sweet, summer soundtrack.

“I think my trip’s made a thousand times better with you here,” Jaehyun tells him suddenly, only to realise that his words could have different implications.

“You’ve been the best tour guide one could have.” Jaehyun explains himself even if Doyoung doesn’t seem bothered by his confession, sipping on his glass of water looking thoroughly pleased. “I don’t think I would have enjoyed myself as much if I’d travelled to these places on my own.”

“You would have been just fine,” Doyoung argues. “I mean, you moved to Chicago, found your way around. And it seems like you’ve made friends with some nice people.”

Jaehyun lets out a sound that’s something of a cross between a scoff and a laugh. “You mean _Johnny_? He’s an asshole,” Jaehyun insists, though there is a fondness to his tone. He takes another sip of his beer.

“He must have a good heart if he’s come all the way here just to make sure you’re doing okay,” Doyoung contends. Jaehyun has to refrain himself from telling Doyoung the real reason as to why Johnny’s here.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun reluctantly agrees instead. Because despite his brute ways, Johnny _is_ a wonderful friend. Even if, just the night before, he’d threaten to, quote, _sell you out to your authoritarian father if you don’t get it together soon,_ unquote.

“Speaking of Johnny…” Jaehyun reaches for his phone that had been set on silent, face down on the table. Unsurprisingly, there are a few missed calls from his self-appointed babysitter and a couple of worried texts like that which had come from a mother.

“Are you in trouble?” Doyoung chuckles, peering at him over the rim of his glass.

“I’m afraid so,” Jaehyun grimaces, typing a quick message to let Johnny know that he’s fine and that he’d just gone behind his back to sneak out with someone Johnny had told him to stay away from.

“I’m going to get my ass beat when I get back,” Jaehyun gripes as they stand to leave. “Should we walk? I feel like I need to walk this off.”

“Sure,” Doyoung agrees as they start to make their way back. “It’s not that far anyways.”

Doyoung picks up the conversation where they’d left as soon as they’re on their way. “Why does he coddle you?”

Jaehyun types out his last message, updates Johnny that he should be back in a couple of minutes before he stores his phone away to focus on his time left with Doyoung.

“Is he,” Doyoung hesitates. “Is he more than just a friend?”

Jaehyun pulls a face. “ _Johnny_? Fuck, no.”

Doyoung manages a laugh, features relaxing. He slips his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Just making sure.”

“Making sure?”

This time, it’s Doyoung who gets flustered. “I’m just wondering if, well. If you’ve found a special someone. I mean, we’re at that age where everyone’s just getting married and having babies. A couple of friends of mine from uni already have a kid or two. I’m also here for a _wedding_ , for god’s sake.” He sighs wistfully. “It’s wedding season.”

 _Wedding season_. Jaehyun thinks about his own impending wedding and how he’s able to keep up with _this_ , this _lie_ , whatever it is, in front of Doyoung.

“Could be a baby fever going around, too,” Doyoung remarks. “A couple of my friends are expecting,” he adds sourly.

Jaehyun shudders at the thought of having children. He loves kids, but he’s certainly not ready for that kind of commitment. “Shouldn’t we be enjoying our lives while we’re still unattached?”

Doyoung shrugs, deep in thought. “Sometimes I think about having a family. Or just having _someone_ to call my own,” he says seriously.

“And you wanted to know if I’m taken because...?” Jaehyun carefully probes.

Doyoung shoots him a wicked grin.

“If you’re as terribly single as I am.” He huddles into his jacket, subconsciously closes the gap between them until their arms are brushing. “I can’t be the only loser who hasn’t found love. Someone has to be as lonely as I am, so we can be losers together.”

A warm smile unfolds across Jaehyun’s face. “I guess we can be losers together, then.”

“I’m an awful person.”

Jaehyun pulls on his pajama top and flops stomach down onto his bed. The doors to the bedroom are open such that Johnny, who’s lounging on the sofa with a book in his hand, is in his line of sight.

Johnny looks up from his book, regards him with disinterest. “Tell me something new.”

He returns to his book. “What did you do this time?” he wonders placatingly.

“I told Doyoung I was single.”

Johnny, startled, slams his book shut and sets it in his lap. He regards Jaehyun in disbelief. “You did not.”

“Is that considered cheating?” Jaehyun asks morosely, runs a hand down his face.

“I’m sure it’s not,” Johnny assures him even if he’s a little uncertain himself. “I mean, technically you’re not romantically involved with Jungwoo,” he justifies. “You’re not cheating on his feelings.”

“But I _am_ engaged.” Jaehyun stares at his hand, empty of a ring. He’d been living a lie for a week.

“I don’t want to say I told you so, but.” Johnny scowls at him. “I _told_ you so.”

“You’re going to pack your shit and take the first flight home tomorrow, that’s what you’ll do,” Johnny asserts.

“I can’t,” Jaehyun whines. He looks up just in time to see a cushion coming straight for him. The speed at which it hurtles gives him little to no time to react, and it hits him square in the face. He falls back with a groan, but is painfully aware that he deserves it.

“I’ve let you get away with it for far too long, now. If you don’t pull yourself together and get _something_ done tonight, I’ll have no choice but to do it, Jae.” Johnny isn’t joking anymore. He’s dead serious, and Jaehyun has no doubt that he will finally make good on his threats.

Jaehyun chews at the skin around his finger, contemplative. “I’ll—I’ll let Jungwoo know that I’m in Madrid.” He pulls his legs in to sit cross-legged. “Maybe I can tell him that I need some time to think.” It’s the best he could do for now.

Johnny nods, encouraging. “It’s something.” Jaehyun knows there’s a _but_ sitting on the tip of his tongue, and he’s proven right when Johnny looks up at him again, this time with disapproval written all over his face.

“I know you don’t want to hear this but this thing you have with Doyoung, whatever you hope would come out of it… it’s not—it’s not practical. It might feel like you’re living a fairytale now, being in a different country and all. Things feel exciting and new. But what happens when you leave and go back to reality?” Johnny sighs like he’s resigned. “Have you thought about that?”

Of course he hasn’t. His mind has been preoccupied with thoughts of getting to know Doyoung again, thoughts of wanting him close. He hadn’t considered anything else besides that, caught up in his own emotions.

“ _If_ things work out with him, what happens with your father, then? What about the company? You can’t just pick and choose parts of your life and put them together, hope it fits somehow. That’s not how it works. Especially not in our world, and you know that.”

“Our world,” Jaehyun echoes with a dry laugh. “Right.”

In what has felt like a dream for days, Johnny is his voice of reason. A voice he doesn’t want to listen to, but knows, deep in his heart, that he should.

It’s a bit cowardly of him to send his message to Jungwoo when Seoul is still asleep but he does just that. Despite what he’d promised Johnny, Jaehyun does end up coming clean with Jungwoo about the reason for his impetuous trip to Madrid.

He tells of his frustrations of being treated like something less than a person, and is truthful when he says he isn’t sure if he can go through with it after all. He does, however, abstain from mentioning anything about bumping into someone of his past. Doyoung is something Jaehyun wants to keep to himself, at least for now, at least for a little longer.

Sleep evades him that night. He falls into a restless sleep, the kind that has him awake at every hour. Even then, his little, disjointed dreams are of Doyoung. Of now, of that night seven years ago.

It’s hours later, when the sun is on the cusp of the horizon, that Jaehyun’s phone pings with a message from Jungwoo.

 _We can’t outrun our fate,_ is all it says.


	2. Chapter 2

_Madrid_

Jaehyun grimaces, hands awkward and rigid where they’re cupped around Johnny’s face in what must be the most ridiculous idea Johnny’s had to date. He grumbles, “I’m _not_ doing it.”

Johnny towers over him easily. His height is overwhelming at times, even more so now. If Jaehyun isn’t aware of how much of a big teddy bear Johnny actually truly is, he would be intimidated. And rightly so.

Jaehyun gasps, startled when Johnny grips his chin in a hand, pulls him closer. The gesture is cruel, but – _point taken_.

“If you can’t even do something as ridiculous as kiss me what makes you think you can get away with ditching your own wedding and pursuing a love that’s not meant to be?” Johnny chastises like the insufferable friend he is. Admittedly it’s a peculiar request but at this point of time it seems like Johnny is desperate and willing to try anything just to get Jaehyun to forget everything and come home with him.

“There’s no relation,” Jaehyun retorts weakly, even if he knows where Johnny is going with this. Johnny’s hands fall away, to Jaehyun’s relief. He relinquishes his own hold on his friend who regards him with his hands on his hips, a resigned purse of his lips like he doesn’t know what to do with Jaehyun anymore.

Johnny makes a move to pack his things, circling around the room with the efficiency of someone who travels a lot. Jaehyun watches, a kind of defeat heavy in the air.

“This is where I leave you,” Johnny tells him as he folds the last of his clothes. “I really want to help you, Jae, but I’ve got my own shit to handle, and frankly this seems like something you have to work through yourself.”

A week had flown by so quickly. Johnny had tried to make Jaehyun see sense, tagged along on his little outings with Doyoung to the museum, another tour of the city, but Jaehyun knows he just wouldn’t if he doesn’t want to. This _is_ something he has to deal with on his own.

“You know I would stay but while your life is in shambles, mine is trying to function without its hero,” Johnny points to himself with a little chuckle. “If I spend any more time trying to fix your life my own will be on its way to where yours is now.” Jaehyun can’t even be upset with Johnny’s jab at his troubles.

Johnny locks his luggage, yanks out the handle. He looks conflicted when they lock eyes. “Keep me updated, yeah?”

Jaehyun licks his lips, nods. Johnny sighs. “I’m not supposed to say this, since I’m meant to be the rational friend in a time where you’ve lost all common sense,” he starts lowly. “But I’m rooting for you,” Johnny says cryptically. “You’re not someone who’s impulsive so I can tell that you need to do this. What is love if it doesn’t make you do stupid things?”

A relieved laughter bubbles in Jaehyun’s throat.

Johnny sends him a wink. “Do what you need to do. I’ll hold down the fort back home for as long as I can.”

There are no words that could express his gratitude for Johnny, so Jaehyun steps forward and embraces him in a tight hug. Even if it’s something they do fairly often, Jaehyun still manages to find comfort in Johnny’s arms. Jaehyun got lucky when Johnny refused to leave him alone when he first came to Chicago.

“Alright, my ride should be here soon.” Johnny pats Jaehyun’s butt and Jaehyun pulls away with a grin.

“Have a safe flight home. Let me know if all hell breaks loose and the world is burning to the ground back in Seoul.”

“Oh you bet I will,” Johnny scoffs, slips into his shoes.

The air feels light as soon as Johnny leaves. Jaehyun feels like a child who’s finally allowed to do whatever he wants, and the first thing he does is to scour the sheets for his phone.

While Johnny had been stuck back at the hotel all day, Jaehyun had spent it café hopping with Doyoung, reconnecting in a way they haven’t since they’d met. Sharing a full plate of sweet treats over iced tea, reminiscing their childhood and high school days, and exchanging stories of their lives now, had felt a lot like a turning point.

Jaehyun had listened in wonder as Doyoung, bright eyed, had recounted his passion for research. Jaehyun was barely surprised when Doyoung admitted that the only reason he’d made it all the way to grad school was due to the help of several scholarships. Even back then, Jaehyun had always known that Doyoung was destined for great things. Doyoung did not only have a pretty smile. He also had the brains and personality to go with it. He’s smart, and fierce, but also tender. 

Jaehyun is absolutely smitten, to say the least.

It’s intoxicating, being in Doyoung’s presence. It’s an exhilarating feeling that comes with listening to the way he speaks, watching the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, a hand over his mouth. Jaehyun has wondered if Doyoung notices the way he sees him. He thinks about it all the time, unsure if he should be embarrassed or worried if Doyoung does but chooses not to say anything. After all, Jaehyun doesn’t know what Doyoung thinks of _this_ – the slow push and pull between them.

He doesn’t know if he should make a move, but it turns out that Doyoung has been sharing his thoughts when Jaehyun answers the door to his room to find him standing there, nervous.

“I was about to text you,” Jaehyun greets with an eager grin, holding the door open with a hand.

“What is this?” Doyoung blurts. His fingers clench around the fringe of his pullover but his eyes are determined as they bore into his own.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun says, stunned that Doyoung was addressing this thing that had transpired between them this soon. The troubled look on Doyoung’s face is a stark contrast to the carefree attitude he’d fronted the past two weeks. Jaehyun can only imagine all the thinking Doyoung’s done the past few days, days that had been filled with sweet moments shared between them.

Doyoung is uncertain despite pushing through. “You say all these nice things, pull me in by the arm if I stray away from you, pick up the bill when we dine,” Doyoung hastily lists. Half the things Jaehyun doesn’t even realise he’d done. “It seems like you—you want to be with me all the time. I tried to shake you off but you just keep coming back.” It sounds a little funny, but Doyoung is so serious that Jaehyun can’t find it in himself to laugh about it.

“What are you doing?” Doyoung repeats, a little demandingly this time. Jaehyun’s hand falls to his side.

His gaze softens. “Isn’t it obvious what I’m doing?” Jaehyun questions. He watches as the realisation plays across Doyoung’s face. Doyoung, of course, is quick to understand.

Doyoung inhales deeply to compose himself. “I don’t know if this is a good idea...” he admits in a small voice.

“I’m just as unsure as you are,” Jaehyun divulges, searching his eyes. “But we can figure it out together,” he proposes, heart alight with hope when Doyoung’s guard comes down with those words.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything now,” Jaehyun adds in reassurance. With every word, he sees Doyoung relax, the square of his shoulders melting with the tension its held. “It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

The creases in Doyoung’s forehead are rampant with his own doubts. Jaehyun reaches out for Doyoung’s hand, tentative. He doesn’t pull away. “You were always quietly taking care of me,” Jaehyun murmurs. Doyoung _hyung_ who had always stood up for Jaehyunnie.

 _Do whatever you want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, Jaehyunnie,_ a young Doyoung had told him time and time again.

“This time let me take care of you.”

Jaehyun becomes shameless in his flirting following their tête-à-tête.

Doyoung, for the most part, pretends to be unbothered, but Jaehyun does catch him hiding a smile and a laugh whenever he delivers a smooth compliment or riles him up on purpose just to see him get cutely frustrated.

Their conversations are highly intelligent but the occasional useless banter revert them to high schoolers back in the day where they would bicker over the smallest of things, like the route back home or the menu for lunch. Doyoung had always made it a point to assert his _hyung_ status over Jaehyun whenever he wanted things to go his way, but they both knew that their relationship felt more like they were friends instead. Doyoung would never admit it, but Jaehyun could tell that he enjoyed being babied by Jaehyun at times.

Even as the comfort of each other’s presence progresses over the next couple of days, Jaehyun still found it difficult to ease into the topic of _that night_ – their last night together as teens, the moment everything had come crashing down. Johnny’s advice plays like a broken tape recorder on Jaehyun’s mind; it is all fun and games now, but when they start to rip off the band aids, it was sure to hurt.

But seeing as to how far he’d come in a short amount of time, Jaehyun’s confidence has only grown like a riptide, a wave pulling back into the sea. Admittedly he’s always been a little cocky, but it’s worked well for his development as a person, especially in business where life’s all about taking risks.

But love is not like business. Love is a whole other playing field. The rules are different, but the stakes are also high.

A few days of fun and casual flirting later, Doyoung invites him to dinner. But it’s not their usual dinner at some Spanish bar. This time, Doyoung specifically requests that he ‘put on something nice’.

He also playfully mentions for Jaehyun to take a shower before so that he stops smelling like he usually does, to which Jaehyun had almost socked him in the face for it, because no one gets away with insulting him like that.

When Jaehyun answers the door that evening, he’s once again blown away by the sight of Doyoung who only seemed to be getting more attractive each day. But at this rate, Jaehyun isn’t sure if it’s just because he’s clouded by his own rapidly growing feelings for this man.

“I’m glad that your idea of something nice doesn’t involve a suit like every other businessman I’ve dated,” Doyoung claims. He looks pleased as he gives his date a once over.

The thought of Doyoung having dated businessmen in the past, which is also a hint at his tendency to date older men, stirs Jaehyun’s jealousy but he keeps his cool because he’s not an overly possessive brute. He replies instead, “I’m not a businessman.”

Doyoung gives him an amused grin. “I didn’t say you were.”

“It sounded like you were implying I was one,” Jaehyun retorts, not one to back down from an argument. Unfortunately, neither is Doyoung.

Doyoung rolls his eyes and says, “I was trying to say that you look great.” He’s not one who’s generous with his compliments, what with a lethal mix of competitiveness and stubbornness. It’s a trait Jaehyun could appreciate. Their personalities are so strikingly similar that in theory, they shouldn’t work. But they do, and they always had.

“All I’m saying is that I’ve only ever dated businessmen, which, by the way, is telling of my taste in men, don’t you think so?” Doyoung laughs, although it sounds a little bitter.

“Bad experience?” Jaehyun sympathizes. Doyoung’s eyes glaze over with something unrecognisable, though Jaehyun acknowledges his reluctance to broach the subject further. He lets up, allows Doyoung to take the lead down the hallway. Even with the growing camaraderie between them, Doyoung still understandably has reservations about sharing any more than he already does.

Instead of a restaurant, Doyoung drags him to a tacky souvenir store right in the heart of Madrid. Jaehyun isn’t much of a souvenir kind of person, but Doyoung, he finds, is the complete opposite. He gets excited over the most ridiculous things, items that are of no practical use, and they end up spending close to an hour in the shop because Doyoung couldn’t decide if his brother would prefer the red or the yellow _castañuelas_.

“Do you really think your twenty-year-old brother would be upset if you got the red ones instead of the yellow ones?” Jaehyun groans when Doyoung changes his mind for what seemed like the hundredth time as he heads back to the display of _castañuelas_.

“You don’t know Hyuck,” Doyoung snaps at him, holding up the two different colours up against the lighting. “He goes out of his way to fault me for the smallest things.”

Jaehyun suppresses a laugh. In fact, he _does_ know Doyoung’s brother, Donghyuck. He was a tiny, sassy thirteen-year-old when Jaehyun left, and Jaehyun could only imagine how infuriating he must be now as a young adult. Despite Doyoung’s unending feud with his little brother, Doyoung absolutely adores him. Even when Doyoung’s talking shit about Donghyuck, there is nothing but fondness in his eyes. Jaehyun finds it funny, but it’s also the most adorable thing ever.

“Would he even like the _castañuelas_?” Jaehyun wonders uncertainly. Doyoung, close to tearing his hair out, gives him a murderous look.

“I’ll make sure he does,” he replies in a chilling tone. Jaehyun makes a mental note to never get on Doyoung’s bad side.

“Oh wait, what the fuck,” Doyoung curses, holding up the different coloured instrument as he points at a sign plastered on the wall. “It’s two for the price of one.”

Jaehyun laughs out of sheer disbelief. But also part of him is pleased that Doyoung’s gotten comfortable enough around him to curse freely. “You meant to say that you made me watch your indecisive ass for the past hour because you _missed_ a sign?”

“Don’t think I never noticed that you were actually enjoying yourself,” Doyoung shoots back.

“What? Me? Enjoying the sight of you losing your shit over those tiny things?” Jaehyun feigns innocence.

Doyoung laughs behind a hand, slaps his arm with another. “Fuck you.” His smile fades but his eyes double in size when he catches sight of something in the far back of the store.

“There’s a second level,” Doyoung exclaims excitedly. Sure enough, there is an arrow pointing upwards and a signage in English that merely states ‘More _’_.

When Jaehyun turns around again, Doyoung has the puppiest look in his eyes. “I know it’s getting late, but can we check it out, pretty please?”

“I’m a sucker for useless crap,” Doyoung adds, as if it’s justification enough to go through another round of mindless shopping.

“Fine,” Jaehyun grunts.

“You sure? You’re not hungry, are you?” This time Doyoung regards him with concern.

Jaehyun sighs. Truth is, he’s _starved_. But how could he say no to that face? “I’m good,” Jaehyun says a white lie, gently gives him a push towards the escalator. “Go on, then.”

Doyoung does a little hop as he gets onto the escalator, turns back to shoot him a wide smile, the kind where he goes all gummy. Jaehyun isn’t one for dramatics, but the image burns into the back of his eyes.

Doyoung makes up for the two-hour detour by bringing Jaehyun to the fanciest restaurant in town with a breath-taking view of the city and, most importantly, food that tasted out of this world.

“Should I be worried?” Jaehyun wonders as they decide on some _cava_ to go with their meal.

“What do you mean?” Doyoung replies distractedly, eyes wandering towards the view from their table. He whips his phone out, turning it at various angles to get a good shot.

“Usually when someone takes me to some place as nice and fancy as this they’re looking for a good time,” Jaehyun tells him with a chuckle. He sips on his wine, appreciates the taste. It’s one of his favourites. “If you know what I mean,” he smirks.

Doyoung’s hand that’s holding his phone falls away as he regards Jaehyun. “If you’re thinking that I’m doing all this just get into your pants then you’re way over your head,” he bites back. Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s just a way for him to play hard to get but there’s no weight to his words.

“It’s a genuine concern,” Jaehyun insists. “It’s happened one too many times before.”

“What am I if not a gentleman?” Doyoung shoots him a shit-eating grin. It’s a subtle acknowledgement to assert dominance, and though Jaehyun is used to taking the lead, this back and forth play of power is comfortable. Doyoung gives as much as he takes, something Jaehyun hasn’t experienced in a relationship in the longest time.

“ _Ack_ ,” Doyoung grimaces when his tongue makes contact with the liquid. He throws his head back, moaning dramatically as he clutches at his chest. “I hate wine,” he laments.

Jaehyun can’t stop laughing as Doyoung continues to regret his life choices. “Why did you order it, then?”

“You mentioned you liked it,” Doyoung lets slip, sticking his tongue out rather unglamorously as if the air would rid his tongue of the bitter taste. “It’s gross.”

“It’s sweet,” Jaehyun retorts defensively. “And I thought you agreed that wine is good?”

“I used to fake my love for wine like I fake my orgasms,” Doyoung casually reveals once he recovers from the nightmare. Jaehyun sputters at the unexpected comment, chokes on his drink. “I thought I’d fake it again this time but I’m not in the mood for it.”

“You’re insane,” Jaehyun tells him with a laugh, shaking his head. Doyoung shrugs, digging into his food. He’s silent for a while, contemplative, before he speaks again, “It’s going to take a lot for me to appreciate wine, just like how hard it is for me to get off.”

Jaehyun ponders over his words. He’s open when it comes to talk about his sex life, so Doyoung’s candidness is refreshing.

“Maybe you’ve just met people who don’t know how to make you feel good,” Jaehyun muses. Even if Doyoung had warned him against getting ahead of himself, now that Doyoung has put the thought in his head, the primitive nature in him can’t help but to think about a sweaty, naked Kim Doyoung, wrapped in his sheets, moaning beneath him. Jaehyun bets he could prove Doyoung wrong, make him feel good within seconds. It’s not like he hasn’t seen him naked before…

He clears his throat and shakes the thoughts out of his head before an embarrassing situation could arise.

“The fact that wine is a complex, multi-sensory stimulus makes me feel a little bit better that my taste is like that of a child’s,” Doyoung sighs, changes the subject like he hadn’t just revealed an intimate detail about himself. “Besides, it’s not like I’m planning to be a wine connoisseur.”

Doyoung, sitting across him with a grimace, still looks like something out of a dream. “I think you’d make a fine wine connoisseur just sitting there looking pretty with your glass of wine,” Jaehyun smiles.

Doyoung seems genuinely confused. “Oh, are you flirting with me?”

Jaehyun laughs. “If that’s what you think flirting is, you need to raise the bar.” Jaehyun takes another sip of his wine, feeling a little cocky as he peers at Doyoung with a grin. “However, for your sake, I’ll unabashedly admit that it was flirting guised as a compliment.”

“Well, then.” Doyoung raises his brows at him. “ _You’re_ the one who’s got to improve your skills.” He laments, “Romance truly is dead.”

“You wound me,” Jaehyun feigns offense. “Don’t you remember how often I used to get love confessions in high school?”

“It’s made you complacent, then,” Doyoung shoots back. He stuffs a piece of watermelon into his mouth and points his fork at him. “You’re used to sitting there, doing nothing and letting them fuss over you.”

“That’s because there’s only one person I’m set on,” Jaehyun gently reminds him despite his blatant stare. Doyoung remains unfazed under his gaze, calmly chewing and swallowing before he speaks again. “You’ve got your work cut out for you,” he warns. It’s not a threat, but the way Doyoung is plainly stating it makes Jaehyun think that he’s just waiting to see how it all plays out.

“In life we always want what we can’t have,” Doyoung jokes, chuckling slightly even if it sounded a little grim. Doyoung subtly regards him. He couldn’t have missed the way Jaehyun’s face falls. “But I’m open to the idea,” he adds softly, reassuring. He lifts a napkin to wipe his mouth but hides a small smile behind it.

Doyoung calls for the bill and Jaehyun nods slowly, chews over his words. When he leans in, his eyes are alight with burning determination.

“I’m not giving up so easily,” Jaehyun tells him. They stand to leave once the waiter returns with Doyoung’s card.

“It might be a long wait,” Doyoung says, voice quiet and brooding as they collect their jackets from the coatroom.

“You’ve forgotten how persistent I am,” he reminds Doyoung with a small grin.

“I haven’t,” Doyoung disagrees. “But I’m saying that it wouldn’t hurt to be reminded,” he teases. He turns towards the door but Jaehyun grabs the back of his arm unthinkingly, competitive nature awakened by Doyoung’s challenge.

Doyoung startles but his eyes are goading when they meet Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun slides his hand down Doyoung’s arm, fleeting touches on his skin.

He grips Doyoung’s hand decisively and links their fingers together.

With his life in ruins, things with Doyoung seem to be the only thing that’s going right in his life.

Even if Doyoung is uncertain more often than he’s not, every fleeting touch he initiates, every small, hesitant smile he sends Jaehyun’s way, makes all the bullshit fade into the background. Doyoung could do nothing but look at him and it would feel like everything is going to be okay.

Maybe it’s the way Jaehyun’s heart has long associated Doyoung with a time of his life where he was happiest. Maybe it’s the way Doyoung looks at him, with so much tenderness, like he’s both the sun and the moon. Like he’s more than just someone who lives in his father’s shadow.

“Stop distracting me,” Doyoung admonishes, peering over his book. This time it’s Korean, a romantic novel set in the 1800s. Jaehyun’s eyes blink into focus, a slow, amused smile spreads across his face.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’ve been staring at me for the past twenty minutes,” Doyoung deadpans. “Clearly you’re trying to get my attention.”

Jaehyun doesn’t even feel shame at being called out for it. He sits back, smile growing. His own read, economic magazine _The Globalist_ which he’d managed to source from the limited collection of English print, has been sitting untouched in his own lap. “And you’re playing hard to get,” he accuses petulantly.

“Are you like this with everyone?” Doyoung muses with a deep sigh.

“Like what?”

“Do you look at everyone like they would run away if you look away for even just one second?” Doyoung absentmindedly asks. His question is seemingly innocent but Jaehyun is serious when he answers, “Just you. I’m just afraid you’ll disappear.”

Doyoung’s eyes return to stare pensively at his opened book. He glances up for a second, looks like he’s about to say something but decides against it. Jaehyun’s exasperation builds as he watches Doyoung return to his book. Jaehyun’s realisation has unfolded over the course of a few days. Doyoung is reserved, always turns his cheek like he has something to hide. Doyoung used to wear his heart on his sleeve, the naivety of a child, but the person in front of Jaehyun is a shell of what he once knew.

It’s unfair, Jaehyun knows, to expect more from Doyoung. But he can’t help it when he feels like he’s running against time, when he knows there’s an expiration to what they have.

So that night, his intentions aren’t entirely innocent when he persuades Doyoung to go out for a couple of drinks. Doyoung isn’t an idiot, though, and he’s quick-witted, too, so it’s not a surprise when he catches on fairly quickly.

“You were never quite good at keeping secrets, Jaehyun,” Doyoung muses with a wry laugh as they step inside a convenience store nearby. This time, when Jaehyun reaches for his hand, it doesn’t distract Doyoung who tightens his hold and smiles with a word of caution, “It’s going to take a lot to get it out of me.”

But Jaehyun’s done his research, and if Doyoung is anything like him, he knows just the poison to get a good buzz going.

It’s a chilly night. Jaehyun almost regrets not putting on a sweater but is glad when his body starts to warm an hour later. Doyoung’s eyes are clear and his smile still bright when Jaehyun starts to feel his head fill with air.

“That’s unfair,” he whines as Doyoung chuckles.

“I told you so,” Doyoung says cheekily, takes another swig of his own can of beer. His eyes are focused, but the way they glaze over reminds Jaehyun that he’s still human after all.

“You never told me what you did.”

Jaehyun tears his eyes away from the lone duck that swam by in the river before them.

“You’re kidding, right?” Jaehyun says with a dry laugh.

When Doyoung does nothing but to stare at him in confusion, Jaehyun sighs. “My family’s business. Remember that?”

Doyoung’s eyes widen in recognition. “Right.”

“It’s why I had to leave, too.”

Something in the air shifts. It’s not the same comfortable atmosphere they’ve been sharing, and Jaehyun knows it’s the impending doom that comes with the problem they’ve fought so hard to avoid. Now that they’ve unravelled the thread, there is no going back.

Doyoung senses it too, meets his eyes. “Will we ever talk about what happened?” he wonders softly. Contrary to what Doyoung had claimed, it doesn’t take a lot to have him talking. Jaehyun should have known that alcohol and a little bit of trust was all he’d needed to set everything in motion.

It’s something Jaehyun has anticipated, but it still doesn’t make it any less intolerable. He’s had years to think about it, so much time to ponder over the right words to say. But now that the moment is here, Jaehyun feels his throat close and his heart pounds in his chest like a caged beast.

There are no words that could undo the mistakes of the past.

“Are we just going to continue to pretend that it never happened?” Doyoung says it as a matter-of-factly even when Jaehyun can tell he’s trying to keep his composure, doesn’t want to let his emotions cloud his mind.

The words, although blunt, hold no vengeance. His tone is mellow, eyes curious with a tiny bit of edge.

“I didn’t know how to approach it,” Jaehyun finally admits. “I didn’t know if it was right for me to bring it up. I felt like you would have been ambushed.”

“There is no right way,” Doyoung tells him wistfully. “We just have to…” he trails off, holding his gaze.

“…rip off the bandage,” Jaehyun finishes for him. Doyoung nods, staring at the crushed can in his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says. He moves in closer but Doyoung doesn’t pull away. His eyes fall, “I’m sorry for leaving you.”

“I forgave you for it a long time ago, Jaehyunnie,” Doyoung tells him with a soft smile. “It took me awhile to understand but I was young just as you were. I was selfish. I was upset. My best friend was leaving and it felt like he was leaving me, too. But that’s life, isn’t it?”

“You left for a future you couldn’t have back home and I don’t blame you for it. I mean it.”

Jaehyun feels the lump in his throat grow. They both know that’s not what had happened. In this moment, mind hazy with memories and alcohol, Jaehyun realises Doyoung’s intentions like a punch to his gut. All the kisses they’d shared, the nights they would lay in bed talking for hours on end.

The _I love you_ Doyoung had selfishly, desperately yelled at him in a last-ditch effort to make him stay.

Doyoung wants to pretend it never happened.

Jaehyun doesn’t realise he’d been deep in thought until Doyoung calls him by his name. When he looks up, Doyoung is still looking at him with a warm gaze. It’s hard to tell if he refuses to acknowledge what they had, or that, like everything with time, the memories had faded into nothing more than that. Memories.

Jaehyun shakes his head with a chuckle. “Why does it seem like you’ve anticipated my words?”

“We spent a good part of our lives together. Even if we aren’t kids anymore, even if years have passed, you were a good friend. And what’s happened has passed. If we don’t let go, how do we move forward?”

Jaehyun has always loved how Doyoung had a way with words. It’s comforting even if it’s not what he’d been expecting to hear.

“Are we good, then?” Doyoung wonders.

No, Jaehyun thinks, because there are still so many things left unsaid. But if that’s all Doyoung is willing to share for now, Jaehyun would take what he could get. Jaehyun wouldn’t push him for anything more.

Jaehyun nods, takes Doyoung’s hand in his. Lately he’s been doing it a lot. So much that Doyoung isn’t even surprised anymore, just accepts it graciously.

Doyoung is giggly on the way back. Jaehyun humours him, holds his hand to keep his balance as he tries to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk. Jaehyun can’t complain knowing he’s the reason Doyoung is a little tipsy.

Their talk had sobered him up but the same couldn’t be said for Doyoung although Jaehyun could care less. He admits that it’s quite nice to see him so unrestrained, so unlike the way he’d carried himself with uncertainty around Jaehyun.

They would usually part ways at Doyoung’s door which came before Jaehyun’s own room, and tonight is no different. Jaehyun is patient as he waits for Doyoung to unlock the door to his room.

Doyoung pauses when he has the door open, turns around to regard him and utters, “Jaehyunnie.” He’s contemplative when he says, “I’m headed to Granada tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Jaehyun repeats, trying to let this new found information sink in. He doesn’t know why Doyoung has waited to tell him this. Doyoung is nervous as he shifts his weight from one foot to another, cheeks flushed red with alcohol.

“You said that you didn’t have any plans,” Doyoung recalls. He licks his lips. “Come with me to Granada.” His request catches Jaehyun off guard.

 _Yes,_ is the first thing that comes to Jaehyun’s mind, but he Doyoung’s revelation has lodged his throat with disbelief.

“It’s okay if you can’t,” Doyoung says quickly, stumbling over his words. He laughs off his embarrassment. He visibly relaxes when he lets out his breath. Composed, like he usually is. “But— I would like it if you do.”

“Why did you wait till now to tell me?”

Doyoung winces at Jaehyun’s tone. Jaehyun hadn’t meant to speak in such a tone but it had slipped, a result of his shock.

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung sincerely says. “I, I didn’t know where this was going. I didn’t—” he worries his bottom lip. “I didn’t know where you stood with us and I didn’t want to set myself up for anything.”

He sounds so unsure that any frustration Jaehyun had melts away.

“I’ll go with you,” Jaehyun says decisively. Doyoung’s face brightens, surprise etched in his features as if he hadn’t expected Jaehyun to say he would.

Doyoung swallows hard, nervous when Jaehyun leans in, so close their lips were just inches away. His eyes flutter to a close but the kiss he’d expected comes to his cheek instead.

When Doyoung opens his eyes, Jaehyun is smiling at him softly. “Goodnight, hyung.”

_Granada_

The bus for Granada leaves in the early hours of the morning.

It’s a particularly cold morning and Jaehyun wakes up with his head weighing him down, but when he steps outside and Doyoung shoots him a bright smile, his heart feels a little lighter.

It’s a five-hour journey to the quiet city in the south of Spain. Jaehyun is someone who’s easily restless but the picturesque scenery of the mountains outside their windows make for a worthwhile experience. At some point of time Doyoung ends up falling asleep on his shoulder and Jaehyun takes the opportunity to take a proper look at him.

It’s insane how Jaehyun’s feelings for this man have only grown, ballooning into something that’s spiralled out of his control. It’s terrifying, the prospect of letting Doyoung slip away. It’s nauseating to think about what might happen when _this_ is all over.

But right now, here in this moment, Jaehyun presses a kiss to Doyoung’s forehead and lets go of his worries.

Doyoung awakes right as they’re turning into the bus interchange. Jaehyun watches with a fond look as he blinks away his disorientation and stifles a yawn behind a hand.

Stevie Wonder’s _Isn’t She Lovely_ is playing softly in his right ear. He takes it out and hands it to Jaehyun who pulls his own earpiece out from his left.

“You have good taste in music,” Doyoung compliments offhandedly as he stretches the sleep out of his limbs. “Dancing in the moonlight was a nice addition.”

“It’s my ‘ _taking it easy’_ playlist,” Jaehyun tells. He looks back at Doyoung as they wait along the aisle of the bus for the other passengers to alight, a playful smirk on his face.

“It _did_ take my worries away if only for a bit,” Doyoung comments with another satisfied yawn.

“You should share them with me some time,” Jaehyun casually comments, peering over to gauge Doyoung’s reaction. The way he visibly stiffens doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaehyun who reaches out a hand in comfort. Doyoung’s fingers slip easily in between Jaehyun’s, a habit they’d fallen into so effortlessly. In the past few weeks Jaehyun had found that the innocent act of holding hands seemed to ease any unanticipated anxiety. It keeps him grounded, lets him know that any worry he had was a battle for another day. It’s also a tiny gesture to let Doyoung know he’s here.

Doyoung, despite his carefree demeanour, isn’t spared from troubles of his own as Jaehyun had come to learn. He keeps his life as Kim Doyoung in Seoul to himself as much as he could, refusing to open up about it no matter how hard Jaehyun tried to pry. It’s a little disconcerting. But Jaehyun doesn’t let it get to him, because he knows that, in the end, what matters is that he has Doyoung here, now, with him, and he’s going to do all he can to keep it that way for as long as he could.

When the taxi drops them off in front of a pretty, typical Spanish house, a man is already waiting with a wide grin on his face. Doyoung forgets Jaehyun by the side of the road with their luggage as he sprints into the arms of the awaiting host.

Jaehyun watches, an ugly feeling brewing in the pit of his stomach, as Doyoung exchanges some overly friendly words with this mystery man whose hands refuse to leave the dip of Doyoung’s waist. They barely acknowledge his presence and Jaehyun is caught between feeling embarrassed and annoyed.

Fortunately the humiliation doesn’t drag on and soon Doyoung is gesturing towards him with one of the happiest smiles Jaehyun’s seen on him.

“That’s Jaehyun, an old friend.” Jaehyun is glad that Doyoung leaves it at that, knowing that things could get a whole lot complicated if they were to share anything more. “Jae, this is Taeyong. My ride or die from uni.”

Jaehyun isn’t very petty, but his smile is strained as he greets the man, noting bitterly how handsome he was.

“You’re very much welcomed to stay here for as long as you need, Jaehyun,” Taeyong tells him kindly as he leads them inside. The interior is amazing but Jaehyun can’t bring himself to enjoy the view when all he could see is the way Doyoung clings to Taeyong as he showed them to their rooms.

“You didn’t say that the accommodation you had in mind is that of a friend’s,” Jaehyun petulantly accuses once Taeyong leaves them to themselves to settle in.

“Hm?” Doyoung hums distractedly as he gets to work, unpacking where he’s resting his knees against the edge of the bed.

“I would have booked my own hotel if you’d told me we were staying at a friend of yours,“ Jaehyun snaps. Doyoung glances up in surprise at the coldness of his tone.

“What’s wrong with staying at a friend of mine’s?” Doyoung shoots incredulously.

“I just don’t want to intrude on anything,” Jaehyun grits out sourly. “You looked like you needed time to yourselves.”

“He’s a close friend, he doesn’t mind—”

Jaehyun scoffs, “He’s _your_ friend, not mine—”

“Are you serious right now?” Doyoung interjects furiously.

“Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun says snidely, hands slipping into his pockets as he regards Doyoung with an air of defiance.

“You’re the one who’s picking a fight,” Doyoung bites back, jumping to his feet.

“I’m not,” Jaehyun insists, “You’re the one who’s getting all defensive.”

“You’re being ridiculous, you started it! Taeyong’s doing it out of goodwill but you’re acting like a fucking brat! You’re acting like, like…” Doyoung trails off, eyes glazing over in realisation.

His defensive stance falls as the anger on his face fades. “Are you _jealous_?”

Jaehyun lets out a laugh in disbelief. Jaehyun stands his ground for a moment before he crumbles under Doyoung’s insistent stare. “So what if I am?” he challenges.

Jaehyun wonders if he’s made a mistake, if he’s crossed some line after he’d assured Doyoung that they were going to take things slow. This is the first time he’s stated his feelings plainly.

There’s an incredulous look on Doyoung’s face when he says, “I didn’t say anything when I thought you and Johnny had a thing going on.”

Jaehyun’s face mars by a frown. “That was before we established that we felt something for each other,” he says in confusion.

“We felt something for each other?” Doyoung echoes seriously. Jaehyun feels his ears redden by the hard stare Doyoung gives him. “What is it that you feel for me, Jaehyun?”

With a burst of confidence, Jaehyun stalks towards him, holding his gaze. “You asked me to come with you to Granada, and I said yes,” he says resolutely, almost angrily, “I followed you all the way here, and all you had to do was ask me _once_. So _you_ tell me, Doyoung.”

Doyoung’s expression falters when Jaehyun stops right in front of him. Jaehyun has only a centimetre or two on him but for some reason he seems to tower over him in that moment. Jaehyun searches his eyes but the look in them overwhelms him.

“You need to be honest with me because I’m not a mind reader,” Doyoung tells him seriously. His voice is quiet and unsure but the weight of his words is enough to carry across the room.

“I just know that I can’t stop thinking about you,” Jaehyun blurts in startling realisation. His voice is barely above a whisper, afraid to ruin the fragility of the moment. The air has gone thick with his honesty but it feels nice to say it out loud, like a warm, gentle wave that soothes his heart.

Doyoung licks his lips in rumination. “I feel the same way,” he admits. “You were more than just a friend.” His words surprise Jaehyun who pulls back slightly to regard Doyoung in bewilderment. “You were—” Doyoung stumbles. “You were my whole life.”

If the air weren’t so still Jaehyun would have missed the words that Doyoung had uttered. So softly, so quietly, like he’d been afraid to let them fall from his lips.

“Is it too soon for me to want to kiss you?” Jaehyun has used up the last of his willpower not to kiss Doyoung the night before, and although he would have liked to wait until Doyoung was more comfortable, he’s swept up in the moment like a current in the storm.

Doyoung is holding his breath when he regards Jaehyun with wide eyes. He lets out a breath and shakes his head slowly, arms tensed by his sides.

“No,” he murmurs even as Jaehyun picks up the slight tremor in his voice.

Jaehyun’s hands are shaking when he reaches up to frame Doyoung’s face but it stops when Doyoung reaches a hand up to steady him by the wrist, the other a comforting weight against his waist. It’s overwhelming to think about how long Jaehyun’s waited for this moment. It’s crazy to imagine that Jaehyun never once thought he’d be given the chance to have Doyoung like this again.

It feels like he’s taking a leap when he leans in. It feels like a wave of relief and excitement when their lips finally meet. There’s nothing that can compare to what Doyoung makes him feel. It’s like holding the sun in his hands and free falling through space.

It’s like an addiction that Jaehyun can’t get enough of, chasing after Doyoung’s lips when he starts to pull away. Jaehyun sucks on his bottom lip in retaliation, a warning. He’s insistent when his tongue pushes inside. The fight for dominance is exhilarating but Doyoung gives in with a small chuckle against Jaehyun’s lips, lets him press him down into the mattress.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” Jaehyun reveals, breathless. He leans in for one last peck to the corner of his lips as if he can’t get enough of him.

Jaehyun looks down at Doyoung, holding himself up by a forearm. His lips pull into the softest of smiles. “You’re so lovely, Doie, you really are.”

He uses a thumb to stroke against the bone of Doyoung’s cheek, dizzy with the events that have unfolded, giddy at the sight of Doyoung’s flushed cheeks. “Even after all these years.”

Something shifts in Doyoung’s eyes. He reaches up, fingers curling around the front of Jaehyun’s sweater to pull him in once more. “Kiss me again,” he demands.

Jaehyun obliges, still grinning when he captures Doyoung’s lips in another kiss. This time he lets Doyoung lead, lets him tangle his hands in his hair to hold him right where he wants him. Jaehyun laughs when he manages to pry a gasp out from Doyoung’s lips where his hands have slipped underneath his top.

“You’re so much better than you were,” Doyoung says with a teasing smile, catching his breath. “Remember when all you did was suckle at my lips like they were tits?”

“Fuck you,” Jaehyun grunts, pulling away at the embarrassing recollection.

Doyoung guffaws, clutching at his stomach. “You were a terrible kisser.”

“And now?” Jaehyun asks cockily.

Doyoung’s face blooms with a smile. “What do you think?” he poses back, almost shyly. His words does everything to stoke his ego when Jaehyun notices how nicely swollen and wet Doyoung’s lips have turned.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by Doyoung who snarkily remarks, “I’m not saying it’s an out of this world experience but it’s definitely a great improvement from before.”

Jaehyun pinches Doyoung’s side in retaliation. “You weren’t exactly great, either,” he retorts.

“At least I didn’t come close to knocking your fucking teeth out,” Doyoung bites back.

“It takes two to tango, sweetheart,” Jaehyun derides. They hold each other’s stare for a second before they burst out into uncontrollable laughter at the memory.

“Remember that time you kneed me in the balls when you tried to press me up against the wall?” Doyoung wheezes, falling back onto the mattress in another fit of giggles.

“I wouldn’t have tried it if you didn’t insist on being romanced like Chuck by Blair in fucking _Gossip_ girl,” Jaehyun snorts, nudging his legs open to crawl in between them.

“It was a great scene,” Doyoung defends, hands reaching out to hold Jaehyun by the waist as if it were the most natural thing to do.

“It was a _movie_ scene,” Jaehyun supplies, dubious. “Things like that don’t happen in real life.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining about it then,” Doyoung retorts.

“Are we seriously arguing about something that happened seven years ago?” Jaehyun wonders incredulously even though he’s more than happy that their dynamics are back to what they used to be.

Doyoung’s laughter dies and all that’s left is the softness in his eyes as he gazes up at Jaehyun. There’s something in his stare, an almost challenging edge to it, the touch of his hand gentle against Jaehyun’s cheek. Jaehyun can hardly deny the tension between them, the way Doyoung’s regarding him with such intensity.

The moment is over, a premature end, when they hear sudden footsteps approaching the room. Doyoung’s hand is quick to fall away and he pushes at Jaehyun’s chest to get him off as he finally says with a quiet resignation, “You should go unpack.”

“You’re not serious, are you?” Jaehyun cries in disbelief into the phone. He’s already on his feet, starting to pace the room, reeling from Johnny’s ridiculous revelation.

 _“You have no right to yell at me,”_ Johnny chastises. _“I was just looking out for you. I’ve been doing my best trying to buy you more time while your fiancé is on my ass about letting you do whatever it is you’re doing there.”_

“I only told you where I was because I trusted you, Johnny.”

 _“That was the deal, Jae,”_ Johnny says seriously. _“We agreed we’d give it two weeks.”_

Two weeks is not enough time. Doyoung has only started to open up to him, Jaehyun is almost certain that Doyoung’s not going to be so forgiving if he finds out whatever’s going on in Jaehyun’s life right now.

“So what do you expect me to do?” Jaehyun moans, rubbing a hand down his face. “Have Jungwoo turn up and introduce him as my _fiancé_ to Doyoung?”

“Hey, I know we kissed, but I’m getting married,” Jaehyun says mockingly. There is a slight pause on the other line.

 _“You_ what!?” Johnny yells.

Jaehyun feels his ears turn red. “We kissed,” he repeats, trying to sound confident even as his stomach flutters at the memory of the night before. He sounds like a lovesick teenager, but he figures he always does when it comes to Doyoung.

 _“You really enjoy digging yourself into a deep hole, don’t you?_ ” Johnny sighs resignedly. Jaehyun doesn’t even have the words to defend himself. He feels like he’s been throwing himself head first into every decision since he first came. It doesn’t help that his heart renders his mind useless when it comes to Doyoung.

_“What are you going to tell Jungwoo?”_

“I’ll deal with him when he comes.”

 _“Jae, he’s a person,”_ Johnny says warningly. _“He’s someone with feelings. He’s not a thing you can ‘deal’ with. On the few occasions I’ve spoken to him I’ve come to find that he has a soft heart, and no matter what the circumstances that you’ve been thrown into, he’s determined to make things work between the both of you. He’s not giving up just like that.”_

“What do you mean you’ve spoken to him ‘on a few occasions’?” Jaehyun echoes. “You mean to say he divulged his inner most feelings to a stranger?”

 _“We’re not strangers,”_ Johnny tells him almost in annoyance. _“While you’ve been out there frolicking he’s come to me almost every day trying to figure out a way to get you home.”_

The revelation makes Jaehyun spiral into deep confusion. While things with Doyoung has progressed into something more here in Spain, it seems like things were evolving back home, too.

 _“He,”_ Johnny pauses, unsure. _“He came to me drunk a few nights ago. Like, completely fucked.”_

 _“He’s been so stressed out he’s been drinking and coming to his fiancé’s best friend for help.”_ Johnny continues with a grimace, _“He might seem like he’s unbothered, especially after sending nothing but a cryptic text to you, but he’s been beating himself up over everything.”_

Something in Jaehyun’s heart shifts at the thought of Jungwoo getting himself drunk, beating himself up for something that’s not his fault at all.

“I didn’t know that,” Jaehyun says in a quiet voice.

Johnny scoffs. _“You wouldn’t know because you’ve been so busy trying to get Doyoung into bed with you.”_

Johnny’s words spark an anger in him. “That’s not what I’m trying to do,” he growls.

 _“Is it not?”_ Johnny remarks almost snidely. _“The last time we talked he barely looked your way and now suddenly you’re spending all your time making out with him?”_

“Stop it,” Jaehyun warns. “You know that’s not what this is.”

_“In fact, I do know. But does Doyoung? He doesn’t even know why you’re there in the first place. You haven’t been honest with him and I hate to say this, Jae, but I assure you that merry’s the last thing he’s going to be when he finds out.”_

“That’s my problem, I’ll figure it out when I get there,” Jaehyun spits out, still upset over the fact that Johnny had insinuated that he was only doing this to bed Doyoung and nothing else. He could explain to Johnny a hundred times over but he knows no one would ever understand the effect Doyoung has on him. The adrenaline rush that comes with being with him, the addiction that keeps him coming back for more. Being with Doyoung is more than just a temporary desire.

 _“Fine_ ,” Johnny drawls. The silence stretches on for longer than it’s ever been between them. Jaehyun sighs softly. Johnny’s sentiments might have irked him but the last thing he wants is for this to drive a wedge between them.

“Thank you for the heads up,” Jaehyun sincerely says. “I’ll handle things with better care, I promise.”

Jaehyun can hear the small smile in Johnny’s voice when he replies, _“You better.”_

Jaehyun lets out a long, steady breath. “I still can’t believe my dad hasn’t realised that I’ve been gone for almost a month.”

“ _Well, you cover your tracks pretty well_ ,” Johnny supplies with a laugh.

“I have to if I don’t want to be beat to a pulp, I guess.”

 _“You’ve also got a solid friend who does all kinds of shit for you,”_ Johnny says with a scoff, not wanting Jaehyun to take all the credit for himself. Because Jaehyun knows, too, that he wouldn’t have been able to pull this off on his own.

He hears one of Johnny’s colleagues yelling at him in the background before Johnny speaks again. _“Listen, I’ve got to go, but let me know when Jungwoo turns up. I haven’t heard from him since yesterday and I’m afraid he might already be on the plane to you.”_

Jaehyun resists the urge to laugh at the image of clear headed Jungwoo making his way across the ocean to get to him, though he regards the thought with fondness. He can’t believe he’s somehow managed to rope all these people into his bullshit.

“I will,” Jaehyun reassures him. When he ends the call, he almost gets a shock to see Doyoung standing by the door to his room, staring at him.

For a long, stifling moment, Jaehyun suffers at the thought that Doyoung might have heard his conversation, but then Doyoung breaks out into a gummy smile when their eyes meet and his worries melt away like it always does.

“We’re heading to Alhambra in a bit, that place I was telling you about. Taeyong’s bringing us,” Doyoung lets him know. Jaehyun can already see the excitement in his eyes at the mention of more history.

To no one’s surprise, Doyoung is the most thrilled as they explore the grounds of the fortress. When Doyoung isn’t busy marvelling at the history and beauty of the charming architecture, his attention is monopolized by Taeyong. It’s agonizing to see the way Taeyong jokes with Doyoung and holds him so freely. It stirs jealousy in the pit of his stomach and displaces his thoughts in the most dishevelling of ways. After their little spat the night before, however, Jaehyun knows better than to brood so he busies himself by taking candid pictures of Doyoung.

Of Doyoung laughing, of Doyoung frowning, of Doyoung quietly petting the stray cat that rubs up against his leg.

Everything falls back into place when Doyoung looks his way and shoots him a smile, one he knows that’s reserved just for him.

Maybe it’s crazy for him to pursue this. Maybe it’s a terrible idea to take the leap and let himself fall when he knows there’s nothing to catch him.

But if this ineffable feeling is only a fraction of the reward that comes with loving Kim Doyoung, he would gladly take the risk.

When they get back to the house, Doyoung is in a considerably sour mood.

He’s quiet throughout dinner, barely saying anything even when Taeyong had cooked them a feast. Taeyong doesn’t seem too bothered by it, filling the silences with stories of his own but Jaehyun can’t tear his eyes away from the way Doyoung pushes the food around on his plate with his chopsticks. It’s almost instinctual, the way Jaehyun wants to wipe the tiny frown off Doyoung’s face with a kiss or two.

Doyoung retreats to the room early and Jaehyun wastes no time in tailing after him, quickening his pace down the hallway until he manages to latch onto Doyoung’s arm with a small, concerned frown of his own. “Hey.”

“I’m tired,” Doyoung says at once, refusing to turn around. His shoulders are slumped. Even his back looks defeated. But Jaehyun has already made up his mind, refusing to let it go until he’s exhausted himself.

“Are you okay?” he wonders softly.

“It’s been a long day,” Doyoung tells him. He doesn’t even try to come up with a better lie, which only deepens the frown on Jaehyun’s face.

“You can talk to me, you know,” Jaehyun says, letting his hand fall away. “If there’s anything bothering you, maybe talking about it would make you feel better,” he suggests carefully, not wanting to seem too pushy either.

Doyoung finally turns around at those words. His eyes are red but there is fury behind them.

“Actually,” he ruminates. “I could use a drink or two.”

“I’m sure Taeyong has some beer lying around somewhere…” Jaehyun begins.

“No, not beer,” Doyoung interrupts, shaking his head. “I want something that’s going to fuck me up, something that’s going to make me forget for once.”

Jaehyun knows Doyoung’s referring to his high tolerance, but his desire to forget catches Jaehyun’s attention like a cry for help. He wonders what’s happened for Doyoung to be _this_ upset, but he realises that the more pressing issue is Doyoung’s request. Jaehyun won’t pass up the chance to be his knight in shining armour. If that’s what he wants, Jaehyun would make it happen. Questions could be asked later.

“I do have something in mind,” Jaehyun finally says, regarding the desperation in Doyoung’s gaze. “It’s what I call my reset button.”

Doyoung laughs, the sound dry. “That sounds like exactly what I need.”

Jaehyun gives him a small smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to try talking?”

“Trust me, this isn’t something that I can talk about sober.” Doyoung worries his bottom lip. “Besides, if this reset button of yours lives up to its name then I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough…”

Knowing how lethal his concoction is, Jaehyun takes it easy, sips on it sparingly. He tries to warn Doyoung of the consequences but Doyoung’s stubborn and his glass is almost empty in no time.

Jaehyun watches with keen eyes as Doyoung sets the glass down onto the table and pulls his legs up to his chest to rest his chin on his knees, his expression slowly glazing over. Jaehyun takes a moment to ponder over what Taeyong had meant when they passed each other in the hallway earlier.

 _Doyoung likes to think he’s complicated but he really isn’t,_ Taeyong had said. Jaehyun doesn’t know what Taeyong’s intentions had been, but he did flush red when Taeyong, with a highly suggestive wink, gave his permission for them to ‘have fun’ at his veranda while he turned in for the night.

“You’re actually a genius,” Doyoung says with a slight slur, laughing airily. “I think it’s working.” He giggles, but slaps a hand over his mouth in embarrassment when he realised. “God, I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” He shakes his head regretfully.

Jaehyun gives a hearty chuckle, sets his glass on the table and leans back into the wicker bench. “I think it’s cute,” he disagrees.

“Cute is the last thing I want to be,” Doyoung whines in a hiccup, completely disproving his words. Jaehyun doesn’t miss the way Doyoung eyes his own drink. Perhaps it’s a terrible proposal but Doyoung’s eyes are so sad it’s hard to reject him.

“You can have the rest of mine,” Jaehyun begrudgingly says with a deep sigh. Doyoung’s face brightens at the suggestion and he wastes no time in reaching for the drink. He’s hasty when he gulps it down as if he’s afraid that the offer might be retracted. Jaehyun doesn’t say anything but he does make his disapproval known with a loud click of his tongue.

“Feel better yet?” Jaehyun asks, shifting so he could get a better view of him. In the moonlight, Doyoung’s eyes are glassy but Jaehyun realises they’re not of tears, but of the weight of his troubling thoughts.

“I don’t know if I feel better but it’s kind of numbing…” Doyoung sighs wistfully. He stares at his hands as if it would give them the answers.

“It’s supposed to work that way,” Jaehyun reassures him. “Wanna talk about it yet?” he wonders cautiously. “But I mean, it’s fine if you don’t,” he hastily says. “Just wanted to let you know that I’m here to listen. You know, if you want to—” Doyoung cuts him off with a finger to his lips.

“You talk too much sometimes,” Doyoung groans. Jaehyun laughs, grabbing Doyoung’s wrist. He cradles Doyoung’s hand in his own.

“I might be _this_ close to spilling my secrets,” Doyoung realises in horror. “God, you’re actually going to hate me for it…” He pulls his hand away, groaning. “Why did I think this was a good idea?” Doyoung laments. “It’s seriously… I can’t believe—You’ll really hate me…”

While Doyoung goes through an existential crisis, Jaehyun can’t help but to anticipate what he might have to reveal. Jaehyun figures that the secrets that Doyoung’s been harbouring couldn’t possibly be as bad as his own, and he’s more than ready to accept them with grace.

“Then don’t tell me,” Jaehyun suggests, kind with his words.

Doyoung shakes his head in quiet contemplation. “No, no, I have to…”

“Nothing you say could possibly make me hate you, Doie, I promise,” Jaehyun tells him seriously.

“You won’t be saying that once you hear what I have to—to say,” Doyoung scoffs, hiccupping once more. “You’re going to get mad, I—I know it.”

“If I could endure two hours of you drooling on my favourite shirt on the ride to _Granada_ then I’m sure there’s nothing of you that could make me angry,” Jaehyun jokes to ease Doyoung’s mind. It works – sort of. Doyoung isn’t frowning anymore, a small smile pulling at his lips.

“You’re so sweet, Jaehyunnie,” Doyoung feigns a cry, “The sweetest, you really are.” He lets out a loud sigh.

“You really want to know?”

“Do I want to know?” Jaehyun asks, suddenly afraid of what he has to say.

“I don’t actually have a choice,” Doyoung says quietly. “It’s not fair for me to act like everything’s fine when it’s not.”

The anticipation is nerve wrecking, and Jaehyun wipes his hands down his sweats. He patiently waits for Doyoung to gather his thoughts, but nothing could prepare him for what Doyoung says next.

“There’s—there’s _someone_ ,” Doyoung whispers, twisting his fingers together. Jaehyun’s world stops, the sound of his heart beats loud in his ears. It’s _not_ what he’d expected. Jaehyun leans away, notices the slight wince Doyoung gives at his action.

When Jaehyun finds his voice again, Doyoung is looking at him with desperation in his eyes. “What do you mean?” he asks levelly. His eyes have gone cold as he regards Doyoung, head spinning with so many thoughts and feelings, none of them good.

“It’s not what you think,” Doyoung hastily says, the distress clearing the fog in his head. “I’ve been trying so hard to block his calls, but he got through earlier today somehow, and—and he threatened to come get me himself but I wanted to make sure I told you everything in case he turns up—”

“You do know that the things you’re saying sound ridiculous, don’t you?” Jaehyun interrupts coldly.

Doyoung’s face falls. “We’re not together anymore.”

Jaehyun relaxes but he remains wary. “Is your heart still stuck on him, then?” It hurts to say those words but Jaehyun has no idea why else Doyoung would bring it up.

“No, _god_ ,” Doyoung moans. “I broke things off with him,” he explains carefully, eyes lifting to meet Jaehyun’s gaze. Doyoung worries his lip, as if hesitant to reveal anything more. Jaehyun’s jaw is set but he silently lets Doyoung know that he’s still listening, even if he might not like where things seem to be headed. It’s a few moments later when Doyoung feels ready to continue.

“We’d only been dating a couple of months but then one day he just completely turned into someone else, someone I couldn’t recognise. He’d go out of his way to make me feel like shit with his words.”

Jaehyun’s heart sinks. “Just, you know.” Doyoung continues, “He hates it when I share with him history, or tell him about my day in the lab, so I don’t. He says I talk too much about useless shit and that I could be very unsexy sometimes, that maybe I should work on it or something. He’s also called me an uptight bitch several times.”

Jaehyun’s gaze softens. “That’s horrible,” he whispers. He feels terrible again, but this time his heart aches at the way Doyoung huddles into himself, the doubt written all over his face.

Doyoung shrugs, pulls his sleeves over his fingers, trying his best to appear nonchalant despite his appalling revelation. “Don’t worry. I’m used to it.” Doyoung purses his lips. “It would take a lot more to break me,” he attempts at a joke. “It sucks that I have to listen to him say those things, but I don’t believe any of it.”

“It doesn’t make it any right,” Jaehyun tells him seriously. A terrifying thought comes to him and Jaheyun freezes as his mind entertains the possibility of it. “He,” Jaehyun hesitates. Doyoung regards him kindly. There’s so much innocence in his eyes that Jaehyun’s afraid if the ugly thoughts he has turns out to be true.

He takes a deep breath, presses on. “He’s never laid a hand on you, has he?” Jaehyun demands in quiet anger.

Doyoung’s expression softens with the realisation of Jaehyun’s words. “No,” Doyoung confirms. “I’m not weak, I can stand up for myself. He’s just all talk, he wouldn’t dare touch me.”

“Whatever he’s been doing is still emotional abuse,” Jaehyun says murderously.

“I know, I know,” Doyoung sighs. “Everyone tells me so. But I can’t do anything about it. I did try to break it off but—” His breath hitches, words caught in his throat. “He won’t let me go so I ran away, but I can’t… _leave_ him…”

“You can,” Jaehyun fiercely disagrees.

“No, you don’t understand,” Doyoung mutters angrily, wrenching his hand from Jaehyun’s hold and glancing away.

“You don’t love him. He hurts you,” Jaehyun retorts with the same anger. “What’s there not to understand? You don’t deserve that.” Jaehyun voice grows softer, “Nobody does.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Doyoung murmurs defeatedly.

“Then tell me what I can do,” Jaehyun urges. “I’ll do whatever, just say it. I know people, I have the means – I– _we’ll_ find a way.”

“It’s more than that,” Doyoung’s voice is louder this time, the exasperation clear on his face. “What if… What if I end up projecting my feelings onto you? I don’t want to get you involved in my mess. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you.”

“This is entirely on me, Doie,” Jaehyun persists. He doesn’t know what else he could say to convince Doyoung of his feelings. He doesn’t know how to tell Doyoung that his heart had been set the moment he’d laid eyes on Doyoung that night a few weeks ago. He’s been wrecked with doubts all his life but Doyoung’s the only thing he’s sure of.

“I _chose_ this, I let myself _want_ to have you in my life again.” He hesitates. “Are you sure you’re not too drunk to know what you’re saying?”

“My mind is hazy but my heart knows what it’s saying,” Doyoung says resolutely. Jaehyun has not much reason to doubt his claim; despite the occasional stumble of his words, Doyoung had remained unwavering all evening.

Jaehyun holds a hand out. “Then you should have faith that we’ll figure this out.” Doyoung stares at it, falters with manifesting reservations.

“I—” Doyoung’s voice breaks. “It’s not that simple,” he repeats, slowly this time as if it pained him to say so. His eyes shine bright with vulnerability. “But just tell me you want to make this work. Tell me this means as much to you as it does for me. That’s enough for me now.”

“This means so much more to me than you’ll ever know, hyung,” Jaehyun promises. “For now let’s just make the most of the time we have.”

This time Doyoung takes his hand.

The next morning, Jaehyun is frustrated when he finds that Doyoung refuses to meet his eyes. His replies are curt and he looks like it would kill him to be in the same space as Jaehyun, which only fuels Jaehyun’s confusion. After Doyoung had opened up to him, Jaehyun had thought that he would be more honest with his feelings. Jaehyun would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt to see how they had somehow regressed.

When Doyoung rejects his proposal to explore the city after breakfast, Jaehyun can’t help but to think, bitterly, how Taeyong had been _very_ wrong. Doyoung _is_ complicated and Jaehyun feels like he can’t keep up at times.

But Jaehyun is persistent if nothing, so instead of moping around, Jaehyun storms into Doyoung’s room awhile later with a mind to suss things out. Doyoung is on lounging on his bed, despondent as he scrolls through his phone. Jaehyun’s uninvited presence startles him and he jumps to his feet, confusion written all over his face as he regards the dishevelled state Jaehyun is in.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Jaehyun demands, cutting straight to the chase.

“I-I’m not,” Doyoung stutters.

Jaehyun scoffs. “You sure about that?”

Doyoung looks defiant for a second before his resolve crumbles and he cowers slightly. “I thought you might have changed your mind after last night,” Doyoung admits.

Jaehyun regards him in disbelief. “What do you mean?”

Doyoung shifts his weight from one foot to another, nervous. “You might look at me differently after I told you about—you know...”

A deep frown settles into Jaehyun’s forehead. “Why would I?”

Doyoung sighs, heavily, like he can’t believe Jaehyun doesn’t seem to get it. “I have too many strings attached, things with my ex-lover are far from over,” he says with a scoff. His eyes fall, “I’ve—I’ve thought about the things I said last night…” Doyoung continues, wincing, “And I don’t think it’s fair of me to lead you on when I’m still a mess,” he says with a derisive laugh. “I think we can both agree that your reset button made me spew a bunch of nonsense. I mean, who am I to ask that of you?”

“What more do I have to do for you to see that I’m literally bending over backwards just to _be_ with you?” Jaehyun implodes.

His breath catches and he feels himself struggle to keep the truth from bubbling over. About what he’s potentially giving up just by _being_ here with him.

He clenches his fists at his sides, takes a few steady breaths to calm himself. Despite how impulsive this situation has made him, Jaehyun knows that revealing everything now is only a recipe for disaster.

“You’ve been on my mind from the moment we’ve met. When I wake up you’re the first thing on my mind, and when I go to sleep your face is the last thing I see. I feel like I’m going crazy, and maybe I’m being awfully dramatic, but I haven’t been able to think about what it was like before you came into my life again.”

“You’re—You’re all that I can think about these days,” Jaehyun reveals, feeling as if air has left him.

“It’s like my heart only knows you,” Jaehyun says loudly, almost in startling revelation, the words leaving his lips before he could stop them. For a terrifying moment he thinks he’s gone a little too far, but then he catches the way Doyoung visibly relaxes.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, either,” Doyoung confesses for once. “ _God_ , you slip into my mind so often it’s kind of embarrassing to admit.”

Something in Jaehyun’s mind switches. “You do?” he asks lowly, stalking towards Doyoung like a hunter closing in on his prey. Doyoung stays fixed where he is, holding Jaehyun’s gaze. “Are you telling me that all this time you’ve spent with me, you haven’t thought about your ex-lover?”

“Not once,” Doyoung murmurs resolutely. Jaehyun stops, his face inches from Doyoung’s. He watches as Doyoung’s gaze falls to his lips.

Jaehyun isn’t thinking when his hands move to cup Doyoung’s face before he’s leaning in to capture his lips in a heated kiss. Doyoung’s hands come up to tangle in his hair, a startled gasp leaving his lips when Jaehyun starts to deepen the kiss. Doyoung doesn’t protest when Jaehyun’s hands get to work unbuttoning his jeans.

Their lips are still attached, Doyoung breathless as Jaehyun kisses him relentlessly.

“Stop me if you don’t want this,” Jaehyun warns gruffly, hands paused where they’ve tugged on the belt loops of Doyoung’s jeans. But Doyoung is too far gone, his pupils blown as he stumbles back until the back of his knees hits the bed, pulling Jaehyun along with him by a firm grip to his waist.

“Please,” Doyoung requests in a whisper, eyes shining as he stares into Jaehyun’s eyes, and that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to kiss him again. Things escalate quickly from there. Doyoung is on his back, legs wide open as Jaehyun settles in between them with an intent to cause an absolute wreck out of him.

Jaehyun’s hand slips into his jeans and Doyoung cries in surprise when Jaehyun’s hand grips him firmly. Doyoung’s already half hard, but a few firm strokes cause his cock to fill quickly.

“You do this often?” Doyoung wonders with a breathy laugh, smile falling off his face when Jaehyun presses a nail into the slit of his cock.

Jaehyun shrugs as he spreads the precum that has formed along the length of Doyoung’s cock. “I’ve had some practice,” he admits with a small pause. He catches the doubt that plays across Doyoung’s face. “They all meant nothing,” he adds. “They weren’t anything serious, nothing like—” He breathes slowly, “Nothing like this.” Doyoung’s face relaxes as he nods.

“I want to make you feel good,” Jaehyun says lowly.

“Oh, you are,” Doyoung says with a moan, throwing his head back as his eyes flutter to a close at the way Jaehyun strokes him.

Jaehyun has no intention to be touched, his mind set on swallowing all of Doyoung’s moans. But Doyoung surprises him by palming his cock through his jeans and Jaehyun’s grip falters as his dick twitches insistently in his pants.

“Be good,” Jaehyun scolds, staring down at Doyoung who gives a chuckle and lets him go.

The way Doyoung has his hands in his hair, gazing up at him with a fond yet bleary look in his eyes, feels like a dream. Jaehyun’s smile fades, his hand starts up a slow pace of up and down along the length with a sort of reverence. He savours the way Doyoung’s eyes close, his lips falling open in another quiet moan. One of Doyoung’s legs come up to anchor around his waist, and Jaehyun presses in closer.

“I’m gonna come,” Doyoung warns in a choked voice. His hands tighten in Jaehyun’s hair and Jaehyun speeds up his movement. It only takes a few more strokes for Doyoung to come with a moan. Jaehyun watches in awe as Doyoung unravels before him, doesn’t let up his pace. His pants are way too tight it’s suffocating, but the adrenaline rush that comes with the mere sight of Doyoung’s orgasm fills him with a warm satisfaction.

“I haven’t been touched in a while,” Doyoung explains in slight embarrassment. Jaehyun uses his clean hand to caress his cheek in fondness.

“Kiss me,” Doyoung demands softly. Jaehyun doesn’t need to be told twice, finds it utterly endearing that Doyoung’s the type to kiss after an orgasm. This time it’s slow, relaxed. The rush and intensity from before is replaced with a languid pace, hands reaching wherever they could. They kiss until Doyoung’s breathing eases and the heat dissipates.

“You feel like a dream,” Jaehyun utters in a daze, unbothered by the sticky mess on his hand. 

“Next time I want to come with you inside me,” Doyoung tells him, resolute when they finally pull away from each other.

Jaehyun’s cock throbs uncomfortably, his chest rumbling with a low groan. “You’re out to get me, aren’t you?” He reaches behind Doyoung’s head for a box of tissues. It’s not the best, but it suffices. He carefully wipes up the mess from his hand and Doyoung’s pants, whatever he could.

Doyoung laughs, head thrown back. “It’s not like you don’t know my tendencies,” he retorts with a scoff.

“The last time we did anything remotely close to this was when we were teenagers,” Jaehyun points out, wiping the last remnants of Doyoung with another obscene amount of tissues.

“I know,” Doyoung says with a teasing glint in his eyes. “I’m just saying that I’ve grown a lot since then and I can’t wait to have you as you are now.”

Jaehyun’s heart races in excitement, his body reacting to Doyoung’s words. Doyoung always knows what to say.

“Me too,” he admits softly. He leans down to accept the chaste kiss Doyoung offers him.

“I can’t wait,” he smiles against Doyoung’s lips. When he pushes back up, Doyoung’s gaze falls to his crotch, to the very obvious bulge.

“Do you need me to…?”

“No, no,” Jaehyun quickly says, moving away to sit on the back of his legs. It’s even more uncomfortable now that his attention has been brought to it, but the thought of a cold shower is less than appealing and as much as he would like Doyoung’s hands on him, the moment had passed and he wanted his first time with Doyoung to be absolutely perfect.

“I’ll take care of this on my own, don’t worry about it.”

Doyoung doesn’t look entirely convinced but he lets up. “If you say so.”

Jaehyun leans in, kisses him on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

He’s out the door in no time, heading to the bathroom in quick steps. It’s almost a relief when he shuts the door behind him and peels his clothes off, stepping under the shower with fumbling hands.

It only takes Jaehyun a few strokes and the image of Doyoung’s face thrown back in pleasure for him to come.

Despite his extensive travels, Jaehyun has never been to a ski resort.

Even though Doyoung hates the cold, he offers to bring Jaehyun to the popular attraction because he ‘wants to be Jaehyun’s first in something’. Jaehyun had laughed, held his hand and kept to himself the fact that Doyoung was already his first in something. His first love.

Sierra Nevada, a mountain settled near _Granada_ , is great for a day of fun. Jaehyun is fascinated by the amount of snow, to which Doyoung had made a snide remark about how it _is_ a ski resort after all. They ride the luge and Doyoung gets utterly embarrassed by Jaehyun’s excited screams as they speed through every sharp corner of the track.

Jaehyun suggests that they tried to ski, always up for a challenge, but Doyoung’s vehement protests makes him reconsider that offer. A couple of minutes of intense negotiation later, they finally compromise on renting some skates to use at the rink instead.

“You should be flattered,” Doyoung says with a groan as he struggles to put on his skates. “I wouldn’t do this just for anyone.”

“And what am I, then?” Jaehyun teases with a laugh.

Doyoung is taken aback at the question. “ _Someone_ ,” he says meaningfully. Jaehyun would take it. He watches fondly, shaking his head with a chuckle as Doyoung continues to wage a war with the laces.

“You’re a child,” Jaehyun comments as he kneels to help him out.

“I’m not,” Doyoung denies with ferocity. “I’m just figuring out ways to waste the time so that we’ll spend less on the rink.”

Jaehyun whistles. “You’re more cunning than I thought.”

Doyoung shoots him a grin as Jaehyun helps him up. “There’s more to me than you remember.”

“Oh, I remember how infuriatingly smart you are, trust me,” Jaehyun laments as they slowly make their way onto the ice hand in hand. “To this day I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that you fooled your mother into thinking you were on a school trip when you ran away from home to go for that _Cigarette After Sex_ concert.”

Doyoung scoffs. “I wouldn’t have had to lie if someone didn’t practically _beg_ me to go.”

“Oh, quiet you,” Jaehyun says, “You offered to drive me.”

“Because the baby didn’t have his license— _Jaehyun_!” Doyoung shrieks when Jaehyun lets go off his arm as he flails around from losing his balance. Jaehyun laughs, reaching towards him once more. His hands snake down Doyoung’s arm until his hand, linking their fingers together until Doyoung stops fumbling.

“That was mean,” Doyoung cries even as his grip on Jaehyun’s hand tightens.

“You started it,” Jaehyun quips, pulling Doyoung closer into his side.

“Try it again and you’ll regret it,” Doyoung swears with a glare his way. Jaehyun loves to see Doyoung all riled up, he has to admit, so he doesn’t hesitate to untangle their hands so he could send Doyoung off to fend for himself.

Doyoung screams, struggling to stay on his feet. Jaehyun launches into a full belly guffaw, watching as Doyoung tries to get his hands and feet to coordinate. A couple of kids pass them by gracefully, a stark contrast to Doyoung’s unflattering ways, which only makes it funnier.

“You’re awfully unbalanced for someone who used to do javelin in high school,” Jaehyun remarks, trying to reign in his laughter when Doyoung finally succumbs to gravity and falls to his ass. “It’s cute how competitive you get even with something you’re not good at.”

“Fuck you,” Doyoung grits out, moaning in pain. “There’s a reason why I never made it to the team!”

Jaehyun helps him up to his feet, feeling a little sorry when Doyoung slaps his hand away and winces at the touch of his side as he makes his way towards the exit.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun earnestly says, easily catching up with him. He swirls around and blocks Doyoung’s path.

“Doie,” Jaehyun calls. Doyoung is being awfully petty like he sometimes is, refusing to look at Jaehyun.

“Come on,” Jaehyun says cajolingly, “I was only joking.”

“Well, you were being really infuriating,” Doyoung retorts with a huff. Jaehyun can already see his anger melting with the slight twitch in the corner of his lips.

“You’re really cute when you’re frustrated,” Jaehyun admits. His cheeky remark flusters Doyoung because he’s not someone who strives to be cute. Jaehyun has always been the cuter of them both, always working to look lovely in Doyoungie’s eyes. But it seems that the years have matured him into someone dependable. The person standing in front of Doyoung is a fine young man that charms Doyoung in a myriad of ways.

Jaehyun is serious when he asks, “Do you trust me?”

It’s only been weeks but Doyoung doesn’t hesitate when he says, “Yes.”

Jaehyun skates around him and carefully holds him by the waist from behind. “I’m going to skate, and we’ll move together. That sound alright to you?”

“Yeah—okay,” Doyoung nods. Doyoung is stiff in the initial push off, but Jaehyun goes slow and kisses the back of his ear in reassurance.

“I’ve got you.”

Doyoung relaxes in his hold and soon they’re skating around the edge of the rink in tandem, their fluidity surprising Jaehyun himself.

“We work well together,” Doyoung remarks with a grin as if he’d read Jaehyun’s thoughts, looking back at Jaehyun. They slow to a stop and pull to the side. When Jaehyun looks at Doyoung again, there’s a wide grin on Doyoung’s face.

“We’ve always worked well together,” Jaehyun counters with a soft smile. It was him who ruined things. The thought startles Jaehyun whose heart fills with the familiar feeling of regret. If he hadn’t been foolish they would have accomplished so much together. Jaehyun could never forget that he’d created a divide between them, and perhaps the memory would always be a reminder of his mistakes, but Jaehyun wouldn’t make the same ones again.

“I know I’ve said this, but I’m sorry I left.”

Doyoung regards him with a soft gaze. “Will you keep apologizing even when I’ve repeatedly told you that it’s okay?”

“I will do it for the rest of my life if I have to,” Jaehyun tells him earnestly.

This time it’s Doyoung who reaches up and holds his cheeks in his hands. “And I’m telling you that I’ve forgiven you for it.”

Jaehyun nods, leaning in to meet Doyoung halfway in a soft kiss.

 _I love you_ , his heart says.

Jaehyun is terrified when they pull apart. It must have shown on his face because Doyoung looks at him in concern. “What’s wrong?”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Nothing. I—” he stumbles. Doyoung kisses him again, and this time Jaehyun can feel the smile on his lips. _I love you, Kim Doyoung. I love you, I love you, I—_

“I’m just sorry,” Jaehyun says again, but this time he thinks about everything he’s keeping from Doyoung. The more he puts it off, the guiltier he feels.

But he’s selfish, and he wants this for as long as he can.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m not paying for that.”

Jaehyun frowns, holding the box up in utmost betrayal. “Why not?” he demands, looking over at Doyoung whose face has pulled into a grimace.

“It’s _weird_. Can’t we just get something conventional?”

“You’re boring,” Jaehyun quips, refusing to relent. “We’re in Spain, let’s get something we can’t find back in Korea.”

“I’m sure you could find it at some adult shop in Itaewon,” Doyoung says with a scoff.

“At more than half the price of the ones here!”

“Put it back, Jaehyun,” Doyoung says warningly. His eyes scan the other ones until he settles on one that seems rational.

“Let’s get this one,” he suggests. It’s wrapped in a fancy pink box in a brand they’ve never seen, but Doyoung seems sold on the words _Sweet Strawberry_.

“Strawberry’s not really my favourite,” Jaehyun tells him with a grimace.

“I wanna bottom this time so I get to choose,” Doyoung says almost petulantly. Jaehyun freezes, hand mid-air where it was poised to return the box to its shelf.

“What?” Doyoung asks, turning flustered at Jaehyun’s response.

Jaehyun relaxes with a shrug, puts the box back slowly where it belongs. “It’s just,” he says, slowly prying the box out of Doyoung’s hands. He glances at Doyoung, diverting most of his attention to the other flavours just so Doyoung would feel less embarrassed about what he’s just said. “We haven’t really talked about it, and I thought you’re not one to, you know.”

Doyoung snatches the box back from Jaehyun’s hold. This time he’s unabashedly embarrassed. “I like to plan,” he retorts huffily. “I don’t like surprises.” Doyoung makes his way to the cashier, Jaehyun trailing close behind. “Besides,” he adds in a quieter voice, “Despite what you might think, I actually like being on the receiving end.”

Jaehyun almost groans at those words; the image of having Doyoung like that sends blood rushing south and his heart becomes restless with anticipation.

Fortunately, Doyoung is just as excited, and it’s barely an hour later of roaming the streets that Doyoung coyly suggests that they head back to _unwind_. Jaehyun eagerly agrees, and several minutes later they’re making out in the back of a cab in a giggly fit, high with the thought of what was to come.

Jaehyun has zero trace of alcohol in his system, but he trips as he gets out of the cab, and gets red in the face at how hard he laughs along with Doyoung as they stumble towards the house, stealing kisses from each other.

“You’re ridiculous,” Doyoung says in a laugh when Jaehyun starts peeling his jacket off him, “We’ve barely made it inside!”

“You are,” Jaehyun says, breathless as he steals more kisses in between his words, “ _Highly_ addictive.”

Doyoung giggles, leans in to give one last peck to the corner of his lips before slapping a hand against Jaehyun’s mouth when he chases for more, “We should save some for later.”

Somehow they make it to Doyoung’s room without breaking anything, even when they refuse to let go of each other, Jaehyun’s lips reaching every expense of the skin of Doyoung’s neck.

“At least let me close the door,” Jaehyun laughs, prying himself out of Doyoung’s hold. Doyoung pulls him back in by a hand to the front of his shirt but Jaehyun resists and hurries to shut the door. When he returns, Doyoung is regarding him with an impatient look.

“Didn’t take you for an exhibitionist,” Jaehyun quips, amused. He teases, refuses to come any closer.

“I’m not,” Doyoung cries indignantly, reaching out for him. Jaehyun goes easily this time, unable to deny Doyoung. “We have the house to ourselves,” Doyoung tells him, pressing his cheek into Jaehyun’s opened palm with a quiet sigh. “Taeyong’s gone to visit his grandfather.”

Jaehyun pauses with a grimace, an odd thought occurring to him. “Isn’t it weird that we’re doing it at your friend’s?”

“It’s fine,” Doyoung hushes, latches onto Jaehyun’s neck. “I’ve asked and he says it’s okay.”

This time Jaehyun is flustered. “You _asked_ him? What exactly did you say?” He doesn’t know if he’s more mortified or amused but Doyoung’s lips on his skin is increasingly distracting.

“I told him we were gonna fuck—”

“ _Doie_!” Jaehyun interjects, this time flushing with embarrassment.

“—and he says to have fun— _what_ , don’t look at me like that, Jaehyun, I _had_ to ask… it would have been highly inappropriate to do it in his house without his consent.” Doyoung whines when Jaehyun pulls away again. “He says it’s all good.”

“Would you rather I have not asked and we have the most uncomfortable sex of our lives?” Doyoung complains when Jaehyun doesn’t budge. He looks absolutely wrecked; Jaehyun’s done a number on him. His lips are red and perfectly swollen, his hair is a dishevelled mess and the first few buttons of his shirt is unbuttoned to reveal pale skin.

“I tell Taeyong everything,” Doyoung suddenly says. He pulls at his shirt, expression riddled with uncertainty. “He came into my life after you left, and he’s been there for me since.”

Doyoung’s eyes glaze over. “I trust him with my life.”

Irritation itches in Jaehyun’s chest at the thought of Taeyong replacing him as a best friend, because how could Doyoung say that after what _they’d_ been through together? Jaehyun feels irrationally upset at all the moments of Doyoung’s life he’d missed over the years, moments Taeyong got to have. But it’s gone as quickly as it had come. He had absolutely no right to feel this way after everything that’s happened.

“I’m not telling you all this because I’m trying to make you feel bad,” Doyoung tells him softly, must have sensed the turmoil in his head, “I just want to be honest with you.”

“I’m glad you found Taeyong,” Jaehyun says earnestly.

“I’m glad I found _you_ again,” Doyoung replies, beckons Jaehyun with a smile. “You’re too far away.”

Jaehyun goes willingly, covers the distance in three long strides and gathers Doyoung in his arms. Even if they’d been kissing at every chance they had, Doyoung’s kisses always feel new and exciting. Jaehyun doesn’t know if he can ever go back, not when the shape and feel of Doyoung’s lips are permanently etched against his own.

So he takes his time, lets Doyoung take over every now and then, lets him turn them over so that he sits on top of him, looking down at him with hair falling into his eyes and the most beautiful smile on his lips. They kiss for what feels like ages, content with nothing more than the taste of their lips on each other and the feel of hands on skin.

Eventually Doyoung pulls back with a teasing glint in his eyes as he reaches over the side of the bed to the bag he’d tossed onto the floor. When he pulls back up there’s a bottle of lube and a few packets of condoms in his hand.

“I’ll blow you first,” Doyoung says decisively.

Jaehyun isn’t shy, never nervous when it comes to his hook ups, but his heart is pounding in his chest when he shimmies out of his jeans. The last time Doyoung had seen him naked had been years ago, back when he was still a teenager. He’d grown since then, his hair had thickened and although he’s relatively fine with having more than what was considered normal, he couldn’t help but to feel self-conscious when Doyoung looks at him for the first time.

Then his boxers come off and his cock springs out, and Jaehyun feels as naked as he looks.

“I don’t mind,” Doyoung says in quiet reassurance, as if he’d noticed Jaehyun’s inner conflict. The apprehension must have been obvious on his face because Doyoung’s suddenly leaning in, reaching out to smooth a gentle hand over the bush of his hair, fingers brushing lightly against his balls.

It’s been awhile for him, too, and the feel of Doyoung’s fingers against his skin leaves a lingering trail. Jaehyun breathes hard as he watches Doyoung pour a dollop of lube into the palm of his hand. He offers Jaehyun a warm smile before he reaches for his cock to spread the lube.

“Come here,” Jaehyun beckons softly. Doyoung leans in and they share a sweet kiss, so innocuous even as Doyoung works his hand on his cock with deft fingers.

It’s another few strokes later when Doyoung dips down without warning to replace his hand with his mouth. Jaehyun moans as Doyoung leaves kitten licks to the tip before running his tongue along the underside of it. Doyoung paces himself well, engulfs Jaehyun’s cock in his mouth perfectly even if it’s the first time they’ve done this together. Jaehyun encourages him, tells him he’s amazing, a hand tangled in Doyoung’s hair an anchor to reality.

Doyoung pauses as if suddenly remembering of his own clothed state and peels them off himself until he’s stripped down to nothing. 

Jaehyun is in awe as his eyes rake over the expense of his body. “You have a tattoo,” Jaehyun states, a tiny imprint catching his eyes. “I never thought you would have one.”

Jaehyun reaches out, fingertips dancing along the ink. Doyoung laughs, looks down at the way Jaehyun’s hand move across his skin. “Sometimes I forget it’s there.”

“When did you get it?”

Doyoung hesitates. “After you left,” he says with a short laugh. “Taeyong has a license and he convinced me to let him ink me.”

“It’s beautiful,” Jaehyun tells him, tracing the cursive font.

Doyoung breathes out slowly, “Thank you.”

"What does it mean?"

Doyoung flushes. "It's a bit of a joke," he plays it off. "Taeyong's always called me one. You know, pure and clear with my feelings. But kind of breaks easily." He laughs awkwardly. "I don't know."

"You are," Jaehyun easily agrees.

Doyoung gives him a shy smile, presses the bottle of lube into Jaehyun’s hand. “Get me ready?”

Jaehyun works him open with one, two fingers and has him moaning loudly at three. Doyoung’s an incoherent mess with four fingers, and he strokes Jaehyun again in retaliation, laughing when Jaehyun slaps his hand away with a groan.

“I’m going to come too soon if you keep at it,” Jaehyun chastises, accepts the condom Doyoung hands him, tears the foil. They kiss again as Jaehyun rolls it onto himself.

“I’m kind of glad we went with the strawberry flavoured one,” Jaehyun says with a laugh.

Doyoung scoffs. “Who knows what sour candy might have tasted like?” They swap positions with Doyoung on his back, Jaehyun hovering above him in between his opened legs. Doyoung takes action, eager when he reaches out to guide Jaehyun to his rim. Jaehyun takes over, lets Doyoung loop his arms around his waist.

“Holy shit, we’re really doing this,” Doyoung breathes, stares up at him with his pupils blown. Jaehyun laughs, shakes his head. Holy shit indeed, he thinks.

“You ready?” Jaehyun asks, rubbing the head of his cock against the rim, spreading more lube to make the slide in easier. He’s only ever bottomed a few times and he knows how much it always hurts in the first push in.

Doyoung gives him the softest smile, his eyes glazed over with muted happiness as he nods. “Yeah.”

Doyoung lets out a small groan as soon as the tip of Jaehyun’s cock pushes inside. Jaehyun goes slow even when Doyoung feels amazing, the slide in insufferably hot and wet.

“’m sorry,” Doyoung garbles, lets out another groan, this time in surprise when Jaehyun accidentally pushes up to make Doyoung take in more of him. “It kinda hurts,” he grits out, trying to play it off with a strained laugh. “I haven’t,” he whimpers when Jaehyun shifts inside him. “I, I haven’t done this in awhile.”

Jaehyun keeps as still as he could, steadies himself with his arms by Doyoung’s head. “No, it’s fine,” Jaehyun shushes him, “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” Doyoung says quickly with a shake of his head, grabbing Jaehyun’s arm when he starts to pull out. “Just go slow,” he requests, choked in pain. “I’m sorry, I’m ruining this for you, I’m—”

Jaehyun shuts him up with a kiss, cups his face with a hand. “You’re not, Doie. This is already more than I could ever ask for.”

Doyoung is tight-lipped as Jaehyun moves again, but this time it doesn’t hurt as much with Jaehyun’s lips on his own as a distraction, coaxing him to open up for him. Eventually their hips meet, and Jaehyun stills, buried balls deep in him. Doyoung lets out a slow, steady breath as Jaehyun kisses the spot under his eye. There is so much Jaehyun wants to say, but he knows he would lose everything if he does. So he doesn’t.

Doyoung is here, is _his_ in this moment. It’s all that matters.

“You can move,” Doyoung tells him. Jaehyun feels him relax around him and starts off a slow pace.

Being inside Doyoung feels like Jaehyun’s in the space between a dream and reality. It feels like his world has stopped and is turning at the same time. It’s odd, but also like it’s meant to be. After a few minutes Doyoung finally relaxes in his hold and starts to meet his thrusts. From there on out the only thought in Jaehyun’s mind is how perfect Kim Doyoung is. How he had ever left this man, he doesn’t know.

Jaehyun doesn’t fuck him like he does others. It’s not instinct when he drives his length into Doyoung’s heat, not more than it is the way his soul craves to fill the empty chasm in his heart. He swallows every moan, every gasp, kisses away every doubt and fucks all his worries aside. Jaehyun concentrates on the way Doyoung pushes up to keep the rhythm, the way his fingers card through his hair, his little pants in the crook of his neck as he sucks on Doyoung’s collarbone until it blooms a wonderful shade of purple.

Their moans fill the air, the sound of skin slapping against skin ringing, heat pooling in Jaehyun’s gut as he hurtles towards his own orgasm.

“I’m close,” he grits out, fingers pressing into Doyoung’s sides. He knows it will leave marks, _hopes_ it does as he fucks him harder and faster.

Doyoung reaches up to hold his face. He strokes his face gently despite the harsh pace as he edges him on. “You’re so good,” Doyoung whispers in between moans. “Jaehyunnie, you feel so good, so perfect—”

“’m coming,” Jaehyun grunts just before his orgasm hits him.

“I’ve got you,” he hears Doyoung say before his eyes shut from the pleasure that feels like the bursting of a thousand stars. For a moment all he can feel is the way his blood beats in his ears. Then, a slow, warm feeling flows through him. When he opens his eyes, Doyoung is looking up at him with a soft smile, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

“Good?”

Jaehyun’s lips spread into a slow smile as he shyly nods. He glances down, notices that Doyoung is still hard, red an angry against his stomach. He pulls off with a wet squelch, earns himself a gasp from Doyoung. But he returns with his fingers, insistent as he fucks Doyoung with his fingers, determined to make him come.

“Fuck, that feels good,” Doyoung says as he presses his head back into the pillow. Jaehyun reaches for Doyoung’s cock and strokes him in time with his thrusts. It doesn’t take long to bring Doyoung to the edge. Jaehyun feels it in the way he shakes, the slight tremble in his moans.

“Come for me, Doie,” Jaehyun urges, and that’s all it takes for Doyoung to come with a gasp. Jaehyun fucks him through it, slows his strokes until Doyoung stops shaking. He plants soft kisses on Doyoung’s chest as he comes down from his high.

They share a small smile before Jaehyun leans over him with a hand to his stomach, feels the slow rise and fall of it as he kisses him slowly. Just the way Doyoung likes it.

“Was it like you imagined?” Doyoung wonders as Jaehyun peels the condom off himself and tosses it. He returns to the bed with a cloth and cleans them up, contemplative as he does.

“It was amazing,” Jaehyun tells him honestly. He climbs back into bed when he’s done and Doyoung presses into his side at once. “You were wonderful.”

He feels Doyoung stiffen, wonders if he’s said something wrong. But then Doyoung relaxes and nuzzles his face into the crook of his neck.

“Thank you,” Doyoung says quietly. The silence drags on but it’s comfortable, easy. Jaehyun holds his hand, hums a tune, and Doyoung’s laugh is quiet.

“Have you ever had your heart broken?” Doyoung wonders.

“I’ve never loved anyone enough for them to break my heart,” Jaehyun answers easily. He pauses, “Have you?”

“You broke mine when you left,” Doyoung says, and for a moment Jaehyun’s heart skips a beat. Doyoung laughs, teasing when he continues, “How could you not when you took away the LP with you when you left?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes but holds Doyoung tighter. “I’ll get you one if you want.” He would give him the world if he asked.

“I don’t want you to get me anything,” Doyoung tells him, yawning. “I just want you to stay where you are,” he drawls, blearily, like he doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore.

“I will,” Jaehyun promises.

Doyoung falls asleep quickly but sleep evades Jaehyun. He finds that watching Doyoung sleep, even if it’s creepy, is very relaxing. Doyoung is calm when he’s asleep and Jaehyun spends his time wondering just how he’s managed to end up here, like this, lying next to Doyoung as he slept.

When his eyes finally start to feel heavy with the clutches of sleep, Jaehyun snuggles up to Doyoung’s side and presses a kiss to his chest where his heart lay, under the tattoo that reads _glass_.

Jaehyun is awake first.

Doyoung has stolen all the blankets, wrapped himself into the cutest burrito at the edge of the bed. Jaehyun can’t even find it in himself to be mad when he sees nothing but a tuft of hair sticking out. He leans over, and Doyoung stirs awake when he kisses him on the cheek.

“What time is it?” Doyoung croaks, eyes squinting open.

“It’s only seven. We have all morning to get ready,” Jaehyun reassures him. “Get some more sleep. I’ll make us breakfast.”

Doyoung mumbles something incoherent and Jaehyun leaves him with another kiss to the forehead, tiptoeing out of the room. Jaehyun’s chest fills with a warm feeling as he closes the door behind him, leaning his back against it. Last night still feels like a dream that Jaehyun never wants to wake up from.

With a deep breath and a silly grin, he heads to the kitchen to do as promised. Jaehyun prides himself in cooking and although Taeyong’s kitchen is decorative more than it’s functional, Jaehyun still manages to source for some essentials and makes do with whatever he finds.

By the time he’s done, he hears the shower running upstairs. Jaehyun’s plating his last dish when Doyoung appears, fresh from the shower, hair still wet. Jaehyun’s lips slope upward when he catches sight of the dark mark that sits on Doyoung’s collarbone. Jaehyun isn’t an animal, but he would be lying if he says that the sight doesn’t awaken the primal instinct inside of him, that he’d made his mark on Doyoung.

“It smells amazing,” Doyoung remarks as Jaehyun runs around to pull out a chair for him. Doyoung shoots him an odd look as he takes his place.

“Do you treat all your lay’s like royalty the morning after?”

“Only the really cute ones I want another round with,” Jaehyun jokes.

Doyoung pretends to choke on his coffee, “You really still do have the corniest sense of humour.”

Jaehyun shrugs as he devours his own pancake, “I’m serious about what I said, though.”

“You have to work for it, then,” Doyoung tells him. Jaehyun figures he’s only half-joking when he says that but he could understand where Doyoung might be coming from. “But I guess you’ll have time for that in the city of love.”

Jaehyun’s chewing slows to a stop. “What do you mean?”

Doyoung peers at him over the rim of his mug. “We’re heading to Paris, aren’t we?” He sets the mug down on the table.

“You want me to come with you?”

“Last night was not a hook up, Jaehyun,” Doyoung says slowly. “At least, it wasn’t to me. But you have to tell me now if that’s all it was to you.”

“What—no,” Jaehyun denies. “Of course it wasn’t,” he answers almost angrily.

Doyoung’s gaze softens. “I’m sorry,” he says earnestly, reaching out for Jaehyun’s hand. “There’s been something I’ve been meaning to ask, and I’ll be honest with you, but I’m scared out of my mind.”

“What is it?” Jaehyun urges.

“That wedding I was telling you about…” Doyoung begins, eyes shifting nervously.

“Your friend’s wedding in Paris?”

Doyoung nods in acknowledgement. “Yeah—I’ve been thinking a lot, about what’s happened between us these past few weeks, days, even, and I was wondering if you would—if you would like to be my plus one for the wedding.”

Jaehyun turns the offer over in his head. Needless to say he was more than happy at Doyoung’s proposal, but the implication makes him squirm in discomfort. Things were moving fast, and even if he’s sure for his feelings for Doyoung, the longer he dragged things on, the greater his conscience seem to weigh down on him. It feels like the bubble he’s been living in is starting to suffocate him and the prospect of _this_ life seems bleak.

Doyoung must have taken his silence for rejection, because he’s suddenly on his feet, making his way to the sink where he starts to furiously wash his dishes. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I thought I would just ask,” Doyoung says, an edge to his voice.

“No, I—”

“It’s really okay,” Doyoung interrupts, turning around. There’s a smile on his face but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I know it might seem too hasty, and you might be uncomfortable with the idea. I should have considered your feelings.”

“And I don’t blame you for considering yours,” Jaehyun tells him softly. “I’m sorry I reacted that way.”

“You can be sorry all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that _this_ is as far as you’ll go,” Doyoung replies almost bitterly.

Jaehyun’s voice grows, “I’m just telling you that we might not have this when we’re back home, when we go back to our lives.”

“Is this what this is to you? Something convenient. When it gets hard you just up and leave, like you always do.”

Doyoung’s words evoke an unsettling feeling in Jaehyun’s chest. “What does that even mean?” he asks in an eerie tone.

“You know what I mean,” Doyoung says spitefully.

“What do you want me to do, then?” Jaehyun demands, anger flaring. “You and I both know this is all it’s going to be.”

“That’s not what you were saying a few nights ago,” Doyoung sneers. “You change your mind like the wind. You said we’d work it out but I guess I shouldn’t have held on to your words.”

Jaehyun is stunned into silence. Doyoung’s words are far truer than he would have liked them to be. He did it then, he’s doing it now.

“I’m sorry, Doie,” Jaehyun says again. “Can we just forget I said that? Please. I don’t want to fight with you on this. Not now.”

Doyoung is reluctant, probably knows that it’s not a good idea to shove their problems under the rug until it manifests into a bigger, uglier situation. But he lets himself succumb to defeat, shoulders slumped. “Fine.”

“I’ll be your plus one,” Jaehyun says, desperate to salvage the situation.

Doyoung regards him warily. “Don’t feel obliged to accept my offer because I couldn’t hide my disappointment.”

“I’m not,” Jaehyun protests. He sighs, “But I can’t be the only one who’s afraid about what’s going to happen when this all ends?”

Jaehyun’s words hang heavy in the air. Doyoung is tight lipped as he ruminates. “Didn’t we say we would leave that for later?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun says, feels like tearing his hair out. He’s thought about it for so long. At first it was easy, turning his back on the life he knows. But now it feels like whatever spell he’s been under is waning and soon he would have to make the decision of his life.

“Aren’t you scared? Won’t things be different when we get back to our lives?” If they would still have this when everything is over.

“I’m terrified,” Doyoung tells him quietly, honest. “But I want this now with you, that’s all I know.”

Jaehyun corners him into the counter, holds his waist to keep him in place as he eases him into a slow, deep kiss. A last comforting peck to his lips. “I’ll be your date for the wedding, hyung,” he murmurs.

Their moment is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing and Doyoung pushes Jaehyun off him in surprise.

“I’ll go see who it is.”

Jaehyun clears the table as Doyoung leaves but pauses in confusion when he hears his name being uttered in Korean. He sets the plate back down on the table, tries to listen in on the conversation but the words being exchanged are too quiet to make out what they were.

He makes his way towards the front and calls out to Doyoung, “Who’s that?”

His heart drops when he peers over Doyoung to see a familiar face staring right back at him.

“…Jungwoo.”

_Paris_

It’s odd to see Jungwoo laughing with Doyoung.

A manifestation of his past, present and future all at once. It makes his head spin, to think about all the lies he’s told, secrets he can barely keep up with anymore himself. So he doesn’t. He lets it simmer. Lives in the _now_ like Doyoung often reminds him to. But then he thinks about Jungwoo’s words, how he has to live for the future instead, and he feels like he’s a bird stuck in a cage all over again.

Jungwoo hasn’t said anything since he’s arrived. He’d introduced himself as a colleague of Jaehyun’s, a friend at best, and had left it at that. Doyoung doesn’t comment on how absurd it is, to have a colleague fly five thousand miles across the ocean just to make sure that Jaehyun is on track to return home in a few weeks. There’s no validity in Jungwoo’s words, but Doyoung is kind enough to give them the benefit of the doubt.

The four-hour flight to Paris seems long when Jaehyun is sat in between the two, struggling to keep things neutral with everyone. While his instincts suffer with the need to have Doyoung close to him, Jaehyun keeps his head clear and heart calm as he moves around with the mind of the man his father had raised him to be. Doyoung is quick witted and picks up on it easily, recoils like he’d been burned whenever they so much as to accidentally brush against each other.

Jaehyun is thankful for his tact, but his heart aches at the way Doyoung pulls away from him.

Jungwoo, on the other hand, isn’t as dense as Jaehyun had made him out to be. He charms his way into Doyoung’s heart, and by the time they arrive in Paris, he’s made a friend out of him. But after they part ways at the hotel lobby to settle in for the night, Jaehyun is greeted by the sight of Jungwoo at his door.

“Your father is going to call soon. He thinks that I’ve left to join you for a small getaway before the wedding.”

Jaehyun steps aside, lets him in with a sigh. “You have quite the nerve, running off like that when you know the consequences your actions will have,” Jungwoo says in disdain. “Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused me?”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun earnestly says. “I know I’ve been a pain in the ass, but I’m—”

“—You love him, don’t you?”

Jaehyun freezes, regarding Jungwoo with wide eyes. “What do you mean?” he manages to utter even as his heart thrums wildly in his chest.

“Kim Doyoung,” Jungwoo says slowly, like Jaehyun is unable to catch onto the meaning behind his question. “When we first met you laughed when I asked if you could ever find it in yourself to love me. You knew you would never.”

Jaehyun opens his mouth but finds that the words can’t seem to come to him. He sits on the edge of his bed, feels the fight in him leave. He’s exhausted from having to lie to everyone. He’s tired from running. But eventually he’s going to have to come clean to everyone, and he figures he should start with Jungwoo.

“I’ve loved him even before everything,” Jaehyun admits, suddenly feeling small, vulnerable. Like he’s laying his heart out.

The confession lifts a weight off his chest and saying it aloud feels like a reassurance of his feelings for Doyoung. Feelings that had taken a hold of him in a matter of weeks.

“Johnny warned me about Doyoung,” Jungwoo says, conversational for someone who’d just found out that their fiancé was in love with someone else. Jaehyun can’t even find it himself to be upset with Johnny knowing that he’d meant well.

“I’m not here to tell you that you should go and be happy with him,” Jungwoo continues. His expression is hard as he regards Jaehyun. “I’m not going to let you live all your lies like you’ve been doing these past few weeks. I’m here to remind you that the wedding is going to happen in three weeks, and it doesn’t matter that you love him, because at the end of the day, you’ll be marrying _me_ and you’re going to have to learn how to live with it.”

Jaehyun nods, lets it sink in as he licks his lips. Jungwoo’s words had knocked his world off-kilter and though it hurt to hear them, everything he says makes absolute sense, which only makes everything harder.

Jungwoo’s phone rings loud in the room. He glances at the screen, looks up at him with a schooled expression. “It’s your father.”

Jaehyun gets up, feels his body move on autopilot. His father seems to be in his office when the video call connects.

“Mr. Jeong,” Jungwoo greets in a voice Jaehyun recognizes to be one he uses for official purposes.

“Dad,” Jaehyun says, bitterness clawing at his throat from Jungwoo’s words from before, head still spinning with the confrontation.

_“Yoonoh, it feels like I haven’t spoken to you in ages.”_

“Yes,” Jaehyun agrees with a strained smile. “I’ve been busy.”

_“Yes, yes, I know. Jungwoo’s told me you’ve been spending some time together planning for the wedding, and that you’re in Paris for a little vacation?”_

“Yeah,” Jaehyun utters.

“We’ll be flying straight to Japan,” Jungwoo interjects.

 _“That’s good to hear. You should have some time to yourselves before the big day,”_ his father agrees with a chuckle. _“Anyway I just called to let you know that I’ll be in Paris next week for an event, and I wanted the both of you to attend with me since you’ll be there.”_

“Of course, Mr. Jeong,” Jungwoo says. Jaehyun’s grateful for him even if a huge part of him is still irrationally upset with him.

 _“You should start calling me dad, Jungwoo-ya,”_ his father tells him.

Jungwoo hesitates, glancing at Jaehyun. “I think it would be better if we wait till after the wedding,” he starts to say, but then he notices the frown on the man’s face. “But I would be honoured to be able to call you dad.”

_“I don’t want to hear it anymore, Jungwoo. From today you’ll address me as dad, end of.”_

“Okay… dad,” Jungwoo smiles. “We have to go now, we’ve just arrived and we’re tired from the travel.”

_“Alright, I’ll leave you two to it, then. Goodnight Jungwoo, Jaehyun.”_

Jaehyun realises that he wasn’t smiling throughout the conversation and hopes that his father hadn’t picked up on his sour mood.

Jungwoo seems closed off when he regards him. Jaehyun doesn’t blame him.

“You took off your ring.” Jaehyun, startled, glances at his empty fingers. He shifts his gaze to Jungwoo’s hand by his side, his own ring shimmering as the light from the lamp catches on it.

“Yeah, I—” Jaehyun pauses. He has no real reason, apart from the fact that he doesn’t want to marry this man before him. It’s too cruel to say out loud, Jaehyun decides, gazing at Jungwoo who’s looking at him expectantly despite his brusque manner. Jaehyun knows, deep down, that it’s only a front. Jaehyun knows Jungwoo more than the man would have liked, and Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s a good thing himself, especially if it hurts him to know that Jungwoo has his own demons.

Jungwoo’s eyes soften for a fraction of a second. “I know it seems like it, but I’m not actually here to make your life a living hell, Jaehyun. I understand that it’s a confusing time for you.”

He stops by the door, doesn’t turn around when he says, “I’ll let you have your moment with Doyoung, but when this is all over you have to come back to me.”

Despite being in the City of Love, Jaehyun isn’t having the best time. But he finds comfort in knowing that Doyoung quietly understands of his need to seek solace with his presence, even if that might be behind closed doors for now. Most nights Jaehyun would turn up at his door in the middle of the night, mind riddled with worries of his impending future. Doyoung holds him close, kisses him gently, distracts him with his words, a mind that Jaehyun had always found fascinating.

Sometimes they fuck, a day’s worth of built-up tension and frustration of having to hide their affection for one another, Doyoung pressed into the mattress, clawing at the sheets with unbridled pleasure, desperate to hold out until Jaehyun’s had his fill. Jaehyun loves it when he gets to fuck him against the windows, swallowing every gasp and moan, drives hard into him until he’s shaking in his hold.

Other times they would just talk till the sky outside turned bright, and the morning sun light catches onto Doyoung’s hair, bathes him in a soft glow. It’s almost like a desperate attempt to outrun the time they knew that was closing in on them.

Jungwoo keeps true to his word, doesn’t say anything, barely spares a glance their way when he accidentally catches them holding hands or kissing. Sometimes Jaehyun wonders what Jungwoo really thinks of him, of them. Was he angry? Disappointed? Does his heart hurt knowing that the man he is to wed might never love him the way he wants to be loved? The way he _deserved_ to be loved.

Jaehyun thinks about everything and nothing, because at the end of the day, Jungwoo is right when he says that fate is something they can never outrun.

A week passes in the blink of an eye.

Jaehyun gets a text from his father in the morning saying that he’s in Paris, and that he should bring Jungwoo for dinner with him.

“It’s a family dinner,” Jaehyun tells Doyoung as he gets ready for the evening. Doyoung watches where he’s lying in the middle of Jaehyun’s bed. They’d spent the whole afternoon under the sheets. They were in Paris but Jaehyun hadn’t been in the mood since Jungwoo turned up at their door, and he’s more than grateful that Doyoung hadn’t been upset that they’d spent most of their time hiding whatever’s going on between them.

Doyoung’s face falls. “You said we could have a nice dinner out tonight.”

“I know,” he admits. Jaehyun regards Doyoung with a grimace as he does up the buttons on his shirt. “I can’t get out of it, I’m sorry.”

“How long have you had these plans?” Doyoung suddenly asks. Jaehyun doesn’t know what he’s getting at, but he’s not in the mood to play any games.

“A week or so.”

Doyoung looks flabbergasted. “And you didn’t think to let me know before?”

Jaehyun sighs heavily, “You don’t know my father. I have to plan my life around _his_ schedules. I wouldn’t have known he would want to have dinner with me tonight.”

Doyoung scowls. He knows it’s petty, but he could care less when he’s had to be the one to give into Jaehyun and whatever he’d been going through the past week. “Still, you should have told me that you made plans with your father.”

Jaehyun’s irritation grows. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me?”

“I’m not,” Doyoung retorts, defensive. “I’m just saying that—”

“Well, don’t,” Jaehyun interrupts curtly. “I don’t want to hear it, alright? I just want to get through tonight. I have a lot to deal with, I don’t need you on my case, too.”

“You know,” he starts, ignoring the frown marring Doyoung’s features. He lets out an irritated sigh, “This is my life, Doie,” He clicks his tongue, frustration building. “I warned you, didn’t I? Your life may be a fairy tale but mine _isn’t_. I can’t just _do_ whatever I want.”

Doyoung shoots him a glare, anger apparent on his face. “You don’t know what it’s like for me,” he says warningly. “Don’t assume that I have it easy just because my life isn’t yours.”

Jaehyun doesn’t know what’s come over him, but Doyoung drawing comparisons to his life infuriates him. Doyoung could say anything, but he would never understand what it’s like for him. Not when he hasn’t lived his life governed by Jeong In Soo’s rules, knowing that everything is set in stone and that he could do everything but it still wouldn’t change anything.

“I’ll never get to live my life as I have the last few weeks,” Jaehyun says quietly. “Soon I’ll have a company to lead, responsibilities to uphold.”

Doyoung has gone quiet although his expression is set with dissent. Jaehyun continues, “You keep saying to leave things for later. Well, _now’s_ the start of later. We don’t have much time.”

 _I don’t have much time_ , he thinks in realisation. There’s only a week or so left to the wedding. And he’s nowhere close to a solution.

“Can’t I go, then? Would it be terrible for me to have dinner with your father? After all he knew my family,” Doyoung tries, “Jungwoo’s going, isn’t he?”

How could he bring Doyoung when he has to play the good son and pretend that he’s in love with Jungwoo? “He is, but my father’s known him for a while and Jungwoo—he’s family.”

“Right,” Doyoung says bitterly.

“You know what I mean,” Jaehyun says a little too coldly.

Jaehyun’s phone buzzes on the table. It’s Jungwoo. Jaehyun looks up, meets Doyoung’s crestfallen gaze.

“Listen, I have to go.” He swipes his phone off the table, walks over to the bed. He leans in to kiss Doyoung on the lips but he turns his head and Jaehyun catches his cheek instead.

“You’re really going to leave me here like a dirty little secret,” Doyoung states with a stinging laugh.

Something in Jaehyun’s heart shifts. Suddenly it feels wrong to be with Doyoung like this. It’s strange how everything has changed in a moment.

He pulls away, spares one last glance at him, tries not to let the hurt in Doyoung’s eyes get to him and walks away.

To Jaehyun’s surprise, Jungwoo talks a lot during dinner. In fact, he keeps the conversation going, steers it with ease. Once again Jaehyun is reminded of how charming Jungwoo actually is, and why his father had chosen him to be his partner in life and in business.

But Jungwoo, as perfect as he is, isn’t without flaws. To everyone else, Jungwoo is steadfast, poised. Jaehyun thinks to back to his conversation with Johnny many nights ago. About how Jungwoo, with the help of a few drinks, had his walls crumble in front of Johnny to reveal a man with his own insecurities.

Jungwoo is startled when Jaehyun reaches out for his hand some time during dinner, but his lips pull into a small, soft smile when he meets eyes with Jaehyun. Jaehyun may never fall in love with this man, but Jaehyun knows he would be in good hands. His father had been right all along.

After dinner, Jaehyun takes Jungwoo to see the Eiffel tower in all its glory from the Place du Trocadéro. Jungwoo looks confused, but he doesn’t question Jaehyun’s motives.

Seeing the Eiffel tower at night is a whole new experience than seeing it in the day. It’s infinitely times romantic, makes it feel like there’s no one else in the world besides you and that someone. It’s the first time Jaehyun is seeing the Eiffel tower at night, and it’s with Jungwoo. The thought is disorienting but at the same time oddly rational, like this is how it’s meant to be.

Jungwoo doesn’t like dragging things out, so he’s blunt when he says, “Are you finally coming to your senses?”

Jaehyun lets out a derisive laugh. “You knew it would come to this, didn’t you?”

“I tried to warn you, didn’t I?”

They slow to a stop by the ledge. There’s a distant look in his eyes when Jungwoo says, “I don’t know why you thought this would all work out, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun joins Jungwoo where he’s leaning against the stone parapet. There’s the dull ache of realisation spreading slowly in his chest, the taste of defeat bitter on his lips.

“We’re not kids anymore,” Jungwoo says wistfully, “It’s time to grow up.”

Jaehyun scoffs. “It’s easy for you to say when there’s nothing you stand to lose.”

Jungwoo turns quiet at his words. Jaehyun looks at him and for the first time, he sees Jungwoo’s face crumpled with an emotion he can’t decipher.

“You think you’re the only one who has it hard?” Jungwoo says in quiet anger.

Jungwoo’s anger is unexpected, but Jaehyun takes it in stride. “It’s funny you should say that,” he sighs, “Doyoung said the same thing.”

Jungwoo laughs thickly. “Did it occur to you that the problem probably lies with you, then?”

Jaehyun thinks about Jungwoo’s words, lets it simmer in his head. “What are you getting at?”

Jungwoo regards him with raised eyebrows. “For someone so smart you could be pretty dense sometimes.” He shakes his head disparagingly. “You haven’t had it easy, but neither have I, and neither has Doyoung. We’ve all got our own battles to fight. No one’s is more important than another’s.”

“Haven’t you been selfish enough? You ran away from Doyoung to play the good son, then ran away from that life to be with him. Your problem is that you pretend your problems don’t exist, thinking they would fix themselves, and then everyone else is just—left to pick up the pieces.”

“Wha— _hey_ , how did you know that?” Jaehyun cries indignantly. “Did you find out my life story from _Johnny_?”

Jungwoo laughs again, but Jaehyun startles when he sees that it comes with tears this time.

Jaehyun leans in close to get a better look. “Are you _crying_?” he asks, incredulous.

Jungwoo turns away to hide his face, hand moving suspiciously quick across his face. When he looks at Jaehyun again, there’s a vicious glint in his red-rimmed eyes.

“No,” he replies tersely. “All I’m saying is that you’re always trying to fight against everything, and maybe it’s time you just accept things for they are.”

Jungwoo’s words resonate with him for the rest of the evening. Jaehyun ponders over his words until his head hurts, but the more he thinks about them, the stranger it feels. It had felt as if Jungwoo’s words wasn’t meant for him, more than it was for himself. The image of Jungwoo’s eyes shining bright with tears burn in the back of his eyes. It’s not hard to believe that, just like himself, like _everyone_ else, Jungwoo was harbouring lies of his own.

When he steps into his room, Doyoung is still in his bed.

Jaehyun tiptoes across the room, takes a moment to gaze at Doyoung as he slept. His heart aches knowing that this could possibly be the last time that he could have Doyoung like this. He leans in, kisses him on the cheek, brushes the hair out of his eyes and utters a quiet apology.

When he steps outside, he feels like the hole in his heart that has been filled with Doyoung’s presence is back, feels his soul unravel with the thought of leaving Doyoung once again. With every step he takes it feels like it’s over. The life he’d lived in the past weeks is only a fragment of something he could never have.

His heart pounds in his chest and his breathing shallows until it feels like he’s underwater. By the time he makes it out of the hotel, the cool night air slaps some semblance of sense back into him, and his face is wet with tears he doesn’t remember shedding.

His hands are trembling when he reaches for his phone but he takes a few deep breaths, composes himself. He wipes his eyes dry and sets his lips into a straight line, head empty but goal clear.

Johnny picks up on the second ring, and his voice lulls Jaehyun into ease.

“I’m going to end things with Doyoung,” Jaehyun says defeatedly.

Johnny sounds surprised when he replies, _“You are?”_

Jaehyun swallows hard. “Yeah—I’m— going through with it. I’ll marry Jungwoo.”

Johnny inhales sharply. _“I—okay,”_ he says, calm. _“If that’s what you want.”_

A frown creases between his eyes. “Why do you sound disappointed?”

Johnny takes a deep breath. _“I’m not,”_ he says although it sounds unsure. His voice carries softly when he continues, _“I’m just glad you finally figured it out.”_

“I wouldn’t exactly say that,” Jaehyun says with a short laugh. “I mean, I know I’ve been hard to talk to the past few weeks. I haven’t exactly made the smartest decisions, running away from my own wedding.”

He pauses. The heartache is heavy in his chest as a lone tear slides down his cheek. He can’t remember the last time he’d cried. He reaches up and wipes at it, his emotions lodged in his throat. “I still love him, that hasn’t changed.”

Johnny is silent for a moment. _“Then what has?”_

Jaehyun laughs once more, but this time he feels like crying again, a lump the size of a ball in his throat. “This just feels like it’s the right thing to do,” he manages to say, even if his words are choked.

Johnny is quiet again, and for a second Jaehyun wonders if he’s still there. Eventually he hears him move on the other end of the line.

 _“I guess this is it, then,”_ Johnny says. Jaehyun can tell that he’s trying his best to lift the mood. He appreciates it, he really does, but in this moment he can’t help but to feel bitter about everything that’s going on in his life.

_“You’re getting married.”_

Jaehyun nods, goes to sit by the curb. The cold air is biting but all he feels is numb.

 _“I guess I better get ready to fly to Kagoshima, then_ ,” Johnny teases, skirting around the palpable tension. His voice is strained despite his best to keep things light. He seems hesitant when he asks, _“How’s Jungwoo?”_

“He knows about Doyoung and I,” Jaehyun muses, “You told him, didn’t you?” It’s not an accusation more than a statement.

 _“Yeah,”_ Johnny confesses. _“I’m sorry. I had to, Jae.”_

“No, it’s fine,” Jaehyun tells him. “I would have done the same.” He pauses, thinking back to Jungwoo’s words once more. “He seemed adamant that we went through with it, and it just doesn’t sit right with me.”

_“Why’s that?”_

“It just felt like he was hiding something.” Jungwoo’s tears come to mind. “I’m pretty sure he also cried, even if hadn’t wanted to admit it.”

Johnny’s unable to hide the concern in his voice this time. _“He was crying?”_

“Yeah,” Jaehyun sighs. “He seemed upset but I don’t think he’s willing to share his feelings with me.” Jaehyun chuckles though he’s not amused. “I don’t blame him, though. I haven’t been honest with him either.”

_“Could you, uh, do me a favour and check up on him?”_

Jaehyun finds Johnny’s request odd but he doesn’t think further of it, his mind riddled with problems of his own. “Yeah, sure. I was going to, anyway.”

 _“Thanks,”_ Johnny says.

“I’ve got to go. It’s late,” Jaehyun tells him.

When he ends the call, it takes him several minutes to let everything sink in before he’s ready to head back up. Jungwoo answers the door in his pajamas, doesn’t say anything as he lets him inside.

“Where have you been?”

Jaehyun strips to his underwear, changing out into his pajamas. For some reason he feels comfortable with Jungwoo, even if they hadn’t spent much time together.

“I needed to clear my head. I was talking to Johnny.”

Jungwoo stares at him in surprise. “You were?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun states. “I had to keep him updated. I signed an agreement and everything,” he jokes. Jungwoo doesn’t seem to focus, a tiny frown blooming between his eyes.

“I told him you were crying,” Jaehyun adds.

“I wasn’t crying—it was _just…_!” Jungwoo huffs, takes in a deep breath to compose himself. “It was a moment of weakness, I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m not a crier, I swear.”

“I didn’t say you were one,” Jaehyun says, amused. For the first time that night his heart feels lighter. Not by much, but just enough to have his lips quirk into the smallest of smiles.

“Did he—did he say anything else?” Jungwoo muses, busies himself with fluffing the pillows.

“He asked me to check up on you. He was quite concerned.”

Jungwoo stares at him. “He was?”

Jaehyun nods as Jungwoo settles into his side of the bed. He puts a pillow in the middle, sets the boundaries.

“This isn’t cheating, is it?” Jaehyun wonders as he climbs into bed.

“It’s not if you don’t have any feelings for me,” Jungwoo reassures him. “You don’t, do you?”

Jaehyun winces, “Sorry, Jungwoo, I don’t. But I do care about you as a friend.”

“Me too,” Jungwoo says, lies on his side with his hands under a cheek to look at Jaehyun. “It’s not cheating to sleep in the same bed as your friend,” he adds.

“But you’re my fiancé,” Jaehyun argues.

“Not in feelings,” Jungwoo reminds him.

“Doyoung and I aren’t even together,” Jaehyun suddenly says.

“This is all very complicated, isn’t it?” Jungwoo muses with a sigh.

Jaehyun nods in agreement. He pauses, thinks about his time with Doyoung in the past few weeks, about their time together years ago. He’d been in love with Doyoung for as long as he could remember. When they met again it hadn’t taken long for his heart to remember what it was like.

“But loving Doyoung is easy,” he murmurs.

Jungwoo looks at him with something akin to sympathy. Jaehyun hates it when people pity him, but when Jungwoo reaches out to hold his hand, he relishes in the comfort it brings.

At this rate, Jaehyun feels like it’s very appropriate for him to add _a professional at avoiding people_ to his skills set on his resume.

Jaehyun had read the first message from Doyoung wondering where he’d been all night, and had refused to open the rest. Jaehyun would unabashedly admit that Jungwoo’s right; he’d rather he left the problem alone, hoping that somehow it would disappear if he ignored it hard enough. But then again Doyoung isn’t a _problem._ The issue was the fact that he had to come clean to Doyoung, and as if that wasn’t enough, he had to then break his heart.

The dread sits in his gut like an iron fist.

Doyoung had come by in the morning, and Jungwoo had told a white lie and mentioned that Jaehyun had nipped down to the stores when, in fact, he had been hiding under the sheets. Doyoung, of course, hadn’t bought the lie. But he’s kind enough to ask Jungwoo to pass the message that Jaehyun could have his room back, and that he wouldn’t bother them anymore if they didn’t want him to.

The apparent hurt in Doyoung’s voice evokes a wave of despair in Jaehyun, but he reminds himself that this is only a fraction of the pain he would feel when the time comes where he would have to break Doyoung’s heart once more. He deserves this, he thinks, in fact he deserves everything that’s coming for him and more. But Jaehyun knows that having to let go of Doyoung is enough punishment for a lifetime.

Jaehyun succeeds in avoiding Doyoung for the day, paces himself, builds up his courage for the implosive end to it all.

He spends most of his day walking aimlessly on the streets, unable to enjoy the sights and sounds. He comes across the _Pont des Arts_ bridge and is bitter when he looks at couples, making out, locking their love with a stupid piece of metal. He walks and walks, and somehow finds himself in the grounds of the Louvre Museum. The first, and only thing, that comes to mind is how Doyoung would have absolutely loved it. He could already imagine how excited Doyoung would have been, the stories he would tell.

He’d only gone a few hours with Doyoung’s absence and already he was starting to feel the suffocating distance, knowing that this is isn’t the end of his time with Doyoung, but only the start of a life without him.

His phone buzzes with another message from Doyoung, and this time he can’t resist the urge to peek at it.

 _We need to talk_ , is what it says. Jaehyun grimaces. He’s not very good at talking. Not when it came to something that could potentially lead to a messy confrontation, which he was almost certain it would, given Doyoung’s obstinate determination and his own talent for running away.

Jaehyun does what he does best. He ignores it, shoves his phone back into his pocket as a problem for later.

It’s dark when he finally makes it back to the hotel. His heart is a lot calmer than before, dulled only by the thought that, at the very least, he would get to see Doyoung again.

It shouldn’t surprise him, but Jaehyun still finds himself startled at the sight of Doyoung when he answers the door. It’s only been less than twenty-four hours since their last meeting, but Jaehyun still falters knowing that Doyoung is standing there looking like something he could never have.

The tension in the air is thick. Doyoung sits on the edge of the bed, unmoving. It’s unnerving, the fact that Jaehyun can’t decipher the look on his face.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun begins. He feels rooted to the ground, unable to take another step forward.

“I’m getting married,” Doyoung blurts, eyes wandering everywhere. He’s composed despite his admission. Jaehyun can’t tell if Doyoung realises the gravity of his confession. The words float around Jaehyun’s mind, it’s hard to let them sink in.

“I’m getting married, Jaehyun,” he repeats, as if he couldn’t believe it himself. “That’s the truth. I’ve been hiding it from you because I was selfish and I was afraid to lose what we had, here, in this world we’ve created for ourselves.”

Doyoung uses Jaehyun’s silence to continue before his courage slips away, “My parents… they set me up with that ex-lover I was telling you about. I thought it would be fine, I know this guy. But we were already engaged when he changed, and—you know the rest of the story.”

It’s another minute before Jaehyun finally finds his voice again, fury scorched in his veins at the thought of the man who had treated Doyoung that way. “And you’re still marrying him,” Jaehyun states. He can’t hide the anger in his tone.

“I thought it didn’t matter if I did,” Doyoung confesses. “Now, or later. It will still be the same. It wouldn’t—it wouldn’t be you,” he says. “Besides, you know how my father is.”

Doyoung doesn’t need to elaborate. He hasn’t exactly had the easiest childhood. Jaehyun had always thought that he was too good for them, but Doyoung, with his kind personality, his inability to see the worst in people, had stuck it out. Even now, it seems like his parents still had a hold on him, enough for Doyoung to put himself through _that_ just to fulfil his duties as a son. Jaehyun wishes Doyoung could look past his own dutiful principles, and into how manipulative his parents truly were, but how could he say so when he knows that he’s just the same?

“I know it sounds stupid, but I thought it was easier if I just ran away.”

Jaehyun’s lips quirked into a small smile at those words though it held no cheer. It’s something he could very much relate to.

“It’s not stupid,” Jaehyun tells him, though he leaves it at that.

“It must be if I’ve created this huge mess for myself,” Doyoung disagrees with a scoff. He looks at his hands, deep in thought.

“I have something to tell you too,” Jaehyun says before he could talk himself out of it.

“You’re also getting married,” Doyoung beats him to it. Jaehyun stares at him in incredulity, wondering if he’s heard him right. Doyoung doesn’t look surprised when he says it, in fact he’s eerily calm.

“How did you…?”

“Jungwoo told me,” Doyoung replies with a wry smile.

“Did he also say that I’m marrying—”

“—him,” Doyoung interjects. “Yes,” he says, quiet.

Jaehyun wets his lips, peers at him. “Are you mad?” he whispers.

“No,” Doyoung breathes. “How can I be when I hid the same lie from you?”

Doyoung did have a point. But for some reason Jaehyun feels like he’s told a bigger lie, that his mistakes would hurt Doyoung more than the damage that Doyoung’s decisions would inflict on him.

“This is insane,” Jaehyun utters, letting out a breath.

Doyoung’s lips quirk into a tiny smile. “I know,” he says with a small laugh. “What are the chances, right?” It leaves him quickly, fades into nothing but melancholy. A deep, troubling frown settling between his eyes. “It’s over, isn’t it?”

A wave of sadness washes over him “I don’t want it to be,” Jaehyun chokes out. Suddenly it’s hard to breathe, feels like those words have sucked the soul out of him.

Doyoung is there in an instant, hands coming up to his face. “It doesn’t have to be,” he says urgently, desperately. Much like that time he’d begged Jaehyun to stay. “You can still call it off.”

“I can’t,”Jaehyun says in a strained voice, glancing away. Doyoung’s face crumples in disappointment. He pulls away, lets his hands fall to his sides.

“I _can’t_ ,” Jaehyun repeats brokenly. “It’s hard for me to choose between you and my family, Doie.”

Doyoung nods absently, licks his lips. “I understand,” he whispers.

“It’s not you—”

“I get it,” Doyoung snaps. The tension lingers, the heartbreak and rejection thick in the air.

“You can’t marry him,” Jaehyun suddenly says, adamant.

“You have no right to tell me what to do,” Doyoung says furiously. “Not when—not when you can’t decide if _this_ ,” he gestures wildly between the both of them, “is what you want. Not if you can’t make up your mind if _I’m_ what you want.”

Jaehyun’s heart breaks when he sees the tears in Doyoung’s eyes.

“Hyung,” Jaehyun calls, reaching out for him. The tears fall over quickly. “Hyung I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” He cups Doyoung’s face in his hands, wipes away the tears with his thumbs. “Please don’t cry.”

In a moment of weakness, Jaehyun lurches forward and takes Doyoung into a heated kiss. Doyoung responds eagerly, hands coming up to tangle in Jaehyun’s hair. There’s the salty taste of tears on his lips, and Jaehyun kisses away the ones that linger on his cheeks, in his lashes.

Jaehyun’s hands caress down Doyoung’s sides, slip under his shirt. They roam the expense of his warm skin, reaching everywhere he could. Doyoung moans into the kiss, Jaehyun’s hand finding its way past the band of his trousers.

Doyoung pushes him away at once, as if he’d been burned. His eyes are wide, resentful when they meet eyes.

“Stop,” he demands. “You can’t—you can’t just decide that you don’t want this, and then turn around and change your mind,” he barrels on. “I don’t want to be some kind of doormat that sits here and waits for you for seven years. I’m not some kind of—of backup plan you can fall onto when everything else doesn’t work out—”

“You’re not,” Jaehyun fiercely says. It’s tender, the way he brushes the hair out of Doyoung’s eyes. “You know I’ll always want you.”

Doyoung’s gaze softens. This time he doesn’t resist when Jaehyun leans in to capture his lips in a slow, soft kiss. Looking into Doyoung’s eyes evoke emotions Jaehyun could never feel with anyone else. Jaehyun gives into his desire, reaching down to grip Doyoung.

“We—we shouldn’t,” Doyoung gasps. His palms rest flat against Jaehyun’s chest but his body reacts differently, can’t seem to push him away.

Jaehyun ignores his warning, starts to move his hand in slow strokes. Doyoung’s hands ball into fists at the front of his shirt when Jaehyun nips at his ear, taking the shell of it into his mouth. “I want you,” he groans hotly against the skin.

Against his better judgement, Doyoung leans into the touch. “O-Okay,” he sputters, nodding quickly. His hand grips Jaehyun’s forearm to steady himself.

“ _Okay_ ,” he breathes out slowly as Jaehyun’s hand leaves him. Doyoung takes the opportunity to push him against the wall, takes his lips into his own once again.

“You drive me crazy, you really do,” Jaehyun grunts as Doyoung sucks on his bottom lip.

It’s frantic, the way they rip their clothes off each other. Jaehyun latches onto Doyoung’s waist, flips them around hastily so that their positions have changed. Doyoung is now the one leaning against the wall instead. He dives back in, leaves a trail of kisses down his chest, lips lingering on his tattoo. It reminds him that Doyoung _is_ glass, so brittle he could hold out for years in self-contained heartbreak, only to shatter in Jaehyun’s presence.

Tugging onto Doyoung’s trousers with rough hands, his cock springs free, already hard and leaking. Jaehyun drops to his knees, teases the slit with his tongue for only a moment before he takes Doyoung into his mouth.

The sound that leaves Doyoung’s mouth is sinful. Jaehyun sucks him fervently, goaded by the moans above him. He’s fuelled by the way Doyoung’s hand comes to tangle in his hair, lets him set the pace. He dips a finger into Doyoung’s hole.

“The lube—” Jaehyun starts to say, making his way up once more.

Doyoung shakes his head, grabs Jaehyun’s face in his hands to press another kiss to his lips. “It’s fine, I don’t need it,” he insists.

“No, I could hurt you,” Jaehyun protests.

“I said I don’t need it—”

“Stop being so stubborn,” Jaehyun orders. His tone startles Doyoung who glowers at him in dissent.

“Fine _,”_ Doyoung hisses.

Despite his annoyance, he hurries to his bag, grabs the bottle and tosses it at Jaehyun. The heat from before returns like it’s never left. Jaehyun makes quick work of getting himself nice and wet, pours an obscene amount before passing a hand over Doyoung’s rim. Then he’s on his knees again, tongue working him open for good measure.

“ _Stop_ ,” Doyoung cries when Jaehyun licks a stripe from his perineum to his balls, shaking with how sensitive he is. Jaehyun obeys, but sneaks a firm fondle to his balls, earning himself another moan.

“I hate you,” Doyoung cries, though he doesn’t really mean it. “I— _mmph,_ ” Jaehyun swallows his words with kisses, drowns out his thoughts with a curl of his fingers inside.

“I’m ready, I’m ready, _please,_ ” Doyoung chants. Jaehyun hooks an arm under his leg, hikes it up and presses it taut against the wall at an angle. He gives himself a firm stroke, uses the head of his cock to spread the excess lube to around Doyoung’s hole before he’s pushing inside.

“ _Fuck_ , fuck me,” Doyoung moans, “ _Fuck_.” He pants heavily when Jaehyun bottoms out, buried balls deep in him. They meet eyes then, and Jaehyun is startled by the vulnerability in Doyoung’s gaze, the sparkle of unshed tears. There’s so much hurt in his eyes that Jaehyun’s heart aches. Jaehyun takes a moment to gather himself, buries his head in the crook of Doyoung’s neck.

“Jae?” Doyoung calls when he feels something wet against his skin. “Oh, Jaehyun…” Doyoung murmurs, pets him softly on the head.

“I’m sorry, Doie,” Jaehyun chokes.

Jaehyun cries silently into his shoulder. Doyoung hooks his arms under Jaehyun’s shoulders and holds him close, whispers that it’s okay. It takes another minute for Jaehyun to calm down, and then he starts a slow pace, fucking into Doyoung with fervour. This time, unlike the other times they’ve fucked, their moans are silent. The only sound comes from the way their hips meet, and the pants that leave their lips.

“I’m not gonna last,” Jaehyun warns him, too riled up to hold out.

The thrusts are frenzied, haphazard. There’s no real rhythm from it apart from the desperation they share. But somehow Jaehyun feels himself hurtling towards the edge quicker than he’s ever had, and the way Doyoung clenches around him does him no favours as heat pools in his gut.

“Doie,” Jaehyun whispers. He furls a hand around Doyoung’s wrist, holds it up against the wall above his head. “ _Doyoung_.”

Doyoung comes like that, with Jaehyun grinding deep against him, pressing up against his spot as he presses kisses into his neck.

Jaehyun picks up his pace when Doyoung comes down from his high. Doyoung lets out a series of soft grunts as Jaehyun fucks him shallowly, lets him use him to get off. It doesn’t take long for him to come. He stills with a silent grunt, and Doyoung feels the flood of warmth, his belly hot and full.

They’re quiet as they come down from their high. Jaehyun pulls out, watches the way his come trails down the insides of Doyoungs thigh. It’s cruel, to mark him like this when it’s only a matter of days before he goes off to be with another, but his heart sings in satisfaction knowing that he’s the only one who gets to have him like this. With his whole heart, with all his soul.

He releases his hold on Doyoung’s leg and chuckles when Doyoung stumbles from how weak his knees have turned, steadies him by the waist.

Jaehyun is still breathless as he kisses Doyoung. “I love you,” he utters when they pull away. Doyoung freezes in his hold, stares at him with a terrified look in his eyes.

“I love you, Doyoung, I—I’m in love with you,” he whispers.

Doyoung is pale as he steps out of his hold. “You—” he says, breath leaving him. “Jaehyun, you can’t—” he lets out a frustrated sound.

“I can’t what?” Jaehyun challenges, trailing after Doyoung as he furiously grabs at a towel to wipe himself off.

“You’re being unfair right now!” He catches the towel that Doyoung tosses at him, angry as he scrubs at his skin with it.

“Why is it unfair?” Jaehyun yells at him from where he’s across the room. His skin has turned red from how hard he’d scrubbed at the same spot. He points at Doyoung, fingers clasped tight around the cloth. “I’m just being honest with my feelings, like how you weren’t this whole time!”

Doyoung laughs shortly, flabbergasted. “What do you mean?” He pulls on a pair of sweats, regarding him from a distance. His dark hair falls into his eyes but Jaehyun can still see the hurt that shines bright.

Jaehyun scoffs, dressing himself before turning to regard him once more. “You never once brought up the fact that we spent the most part of our teenage years kissing each other. Did you forget that you told me you loved me right when I was about to leave?”

Doyoung’s eyes are wide but his demeanour changes. “I didn’t forget,” Doyoung murmurs. “I—” he chokes. His eyes fill with tears once more. He looks small and sad, standing in the middle of the room alone. “I had to pretend I hadn’t said it because I didn’t want to put myself through that again. I didn’t want to hear you say that you didn’t feel the same way.”

He shakes out of his stupor, sniffling as he wipes at his eyes angrily. “And now you’re telling me the same words I’d never thought I’d hear you say, right when you’re about to leave me again.”

“Doyoung…”

His gaze is hard when he looks at Jaehyun. "This doesn’t change anything, does it?”

Jaehyun’s silence is enough of an answer.

“You need to leave,” Doyoung whispers. This time he doesn’t even bother wiping the tears as they fall over quickly.

The look in his eyes tells Jaehyun that it’s best that he does.

It feels like the door on them has closed forever when he walks away this time.

As if life couldn’t get any more complicated, Jaehyun wakes up the following day to find that Johnny’s in Paris.

Jaehyun bumps into him as he’s making his way to Jungwoo’s room and the stare they exchange would have made one think that they didn’t know each other. It’s another moment later that Jaehyun’s in Johnny’s arms, face buried into his chest as he crumbles from the overwhelming events of the night before.

Jaehyun had uttered a quiet _Doyoung_ and nothing else, and Johnny had understood at once. He doesn’t ask any questions, and for that Jaehyun is thankful. His heart is in pieces, but still, it’s a sunny day out, so Johnny distracts him with a nice day out in town.

They visit the Arc of Triumph, and Johnny helps him take the pictures Doyoung would have otherwise taken for him. He lets Johnny take him on a coffee run and they end up at a café near the Eiffel tower. It’s depressing to think that Jaehyun hadn’t had the chance to take Doyoung there, but Johnny humours him by taking couply pictures with him instead.

As the sun sets, Jaehyun realises that he’s still alive despite the heartbreak he feels and thinks that maybe the road ahead will be hard, but he would make it somehow.

Later in the evening he finds himself at the event he’d promised his father he’d attend, assuming his role as the good son once again after a long time. It feels odd to go back to that life, mingling with the other players in the industry, faking his smiles and exchanging views about things he could really care less about.

Jaehyun is thankful for Jungwoo who sticks to his side like glue, refusing to leave even when there are others who request his company. Jungwoo, Jaehyun has come to learn, is fast becoming a friend more than an ally. He comforts without words, a hand poised at Jaehyun’s elbow, keeps them in the corner and away from everyone else’s attention.

It’s some time towards the end of the event that Jaehyun finally comes out of his drowning sorrows and realises that he wasn’t the only one who’s broken. He watches in a mix of confusion and concern as Jungwoo exchange a few heated words with Johnny before he disappears from sight, eyes suspiciously wet.

When Jaehyun approaches Johnny, his friend is dishevelled, lips set in a tight line as his eyes reveal his exasperation.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun wonders with a frown, casts a glance towards the corner where Jungwoo had disappeared to.

“Y-Yeah,” Johnny stutters, running a hand through his hair. It doesn’t take an idiot to put two and two together, and Jaehyun is certain when he says, “Jungwoo isn’t just your best friend’s fiancé, is he?”

“What?” Johnny gapes at him, feigning ignorance. But just as how Johnny can tell when he’s lying, Jaehyun can see right through him.

“I’ve seen Jungwoo cry _twice_ , and both times it’s because of you,” Jaehyun presses, “Are you going to tell me that’s a coincidence?”

Johnny opens his mouth, poised to lie. He hesitates, and then slumps in defeat. “I love him,” Johnny confesses, awfully quiet.

This time it’s Jaehyun who startles. “You— _what_?”

Johnny glowers. “Why are you so surprised? You sounded like you knew what’s going on.”

“I do—I mean, I—” Jaehyun stutters. “I just thought you were _sleeping_ with him, not _in love_ with him, what the fuck, Johnny.”

Johnny’s frown only deepens. “Jeez, what’s this hostility for? We’re not the ones who’s sneaking into each other’s rooms.”

Jaehyun glares at him. “We haven’t fucked,” Johnny deadpans, states it plainly for him.

“When did this even happen?” Jaehyun interrogates, trying to wrack his brain for any signs of when this could have transpired. Right in front of him, too. Johnny tells him everything, and he’s kind of sour that he hadn’t cared to mention something as huge as this. But then again, Jaehyun figures that it must have been apparent to his best friend of how emotionally occupied he’d been with running away from his own wedding and rekindling an old love.

He vaguely remembers Johnny mentioning something about Jungwoo coming to him every day to ask about updates from him. He flushes in embarrassment when he comes to the realisation that maybe Jungwoo hadn’t been concerned about him more than it was an opportunity to do his own frolicking with his best friend.

“That night he came to you drunk, wasn’t it?”

Johnny bashfully nods, which is odd to see considering that it’s not usually in his nature to be shy.

“I took care of him then, he stayed over. The next day we spent the whole day talking, and, I don’t know,” Johnny shrugs. “We just kind of clicked.”

Jaehyun feels warm at Johnny’s confession. In this moment he allows himself to be happy, glad that his friends had found love with each other in this twisted situation.

“So why was he upset, then?” Jaehyun asks, the idea that Jungwoo might be facing the same problem as he was not occurring to him.

Johnny’s face falls. “He told me he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Jaehyun grimaces. “I’m sorry,” he starts to say, but Johnny waves off his apology.

“No, it’s not that,” Johnny purposefully says. His eyes are determined as he looks into Jaehyun’s eyes. “I’m very sure he’s lying.”

“…Johnny…”

“No, listen,” Johnny presses on, “He’s lying, because he told me he loved me when he thought I was asleep, and then the next day he jetted off halfway across the world to find you instead.”

“And when he does, the first thing he says tells you is that things with Doyoung will never work out.”

“He doesn’t think things would work out between you, either,” Jaehyun murmurs in startling realisation.

Johnny’s lips press into a tight line as he nods. “Exactly.”

Silence falls upon them, and when Jaehyun glances at his best friend, he’s also deep in thought as he was.

“Did you make him cry, though?” Jaehyun suddenly says, squares up. Because he’s grown fond of Jungwoo, and he would do anything to protect him, too, even if it meant fighting his best friend.

“No,” Johnny says with a roll of his eyes. “I mean, technically, I didn’t mean to.”

Jaehyun doesn’t let up his intimidating stare. “I pleaded with him to call off the wedding, to choose me. I made him promises I knew I would do everything to keep.”

“But he’s terrified, and he doesn’t believe that I wouldn’t change my mind.”

Jaehyun chuckles, small at first, and then suddenly he’s breaking out into uncontrollable laughter. He laughs until his tummy hurts and there are tears in his eyes. He laughs until they fall over, streams down his cheeks, till he realises that his laughter is not one of happiness but rather incredulity.

He wipes at his eyes. “Now you understand what I’ve been going through the past few weeks, don’t you?” Jaehyun asks wistfully once he’s calmer.

Johnny can only manage a wry smile as he nods. “Yeah, I do.”

“We can call the wedding off together,” Jaehyun begins, feeling like he’s on to something.

Johnny’s face fills with hope. “What do you mean?”

“If we both decide to call it off together, then maybe our parents would rethink this. Maybe we could work with a new agreement amongst ourselves instead.”

Johnny regards him skeptically. “Is that even possible?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun admits, “But it’s worth a shot. Our happiness has got to be worth more than some deal.”

Johnny nods. “I can give him the world.”

The thought of Doyoung appears in his mind. He’s smiling, they’re holding hands, and Jaehyun feels like the happiest man in the world.

Jaehyun wants this; wants to sit on a stained, relenting sofa and argue about movies, wants to have fights about whose turn it was to clean the bathroom. It hits him how badly he wants _this_ ; the kind of domestic drudgery with Doyoung.

Jaehyun has never been more certain in his life when he says, “And I’m willing to give up mine.”

It’s three days to the wedding, and two days since he’d last seen Doyoung.

Jaehyun knows that it’s now or never. He’s desperate when he knocks on Jungwoo’s door that morning, asking if they could talk over coffee. Jungwoo eyes him suspiciously, knows he’s up to something, but fortunately relents.

Jaehyun takes him to a nice café, somewhere a little quiet. He chooses one in the corner, somewhere they could talk without being disturbed. As soon as their lattes arrive, Jungwoo doesn’t hesitate to jump straight into business as he stirs his drink with a spoon.

“So I assume that you’ve figured out about Johnny and I?”

Jaehyun nods, takes a sip from his own mug. “You have some kind of nerve, haven’t you?” he teases.

There’s a smile sitting on Jungwoo’s lips. “Preaching to me about doing what’s right when you’re there letting yourself be swept off your feet by my best friend,” Jaehyun continues.

The smile fades from Jungwoo’s face. “We can’t choose who we fall in love with.”

Jaehyun sighs. “Unfortunately, you’re right.” He clicks his tongue. “But you’re a coward, you know that? Running away from your feelings.”

Jungwoo glares at him. “I’m not,” he hisses. “I’m not as delusional as you are,” he bites back with a hardened gaze. “I know that we can’t always have what we want.”

“Have you always lived your life like that?” Jungwoo is taken aback at the question Jaehyun throws at him.

“Like what?” Jungwoo tightens his hold around his mug.

“Always doing what you think is _‘_ right’,”Jaehyun replies. He takes another sip of his drink, regards Jungwoo over the rim of his glass.

“Yes,” Jungwoo replies quietly. “Don’t you?” he asks in a small voice.

Jaehyun pauses, contemplative. “Yeah,” he admits with a chuckle. “I do.”

Jungwoo’s features relax as he leans back into his seat, a melancholic look crossing his face. Jaehyun knows he’s thinking about Johnny, and he feels more at ease knowing that he can empathize with his fiancé.

“Let’s call off the wedding,” Jaehyun blurts, unable to resist it any longer. Jungwoo stares at him as if he’s lost his mind.

“You’re joking.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I’m not,” he adamantly says.

“We can’t,” Jungwoo says. “The company…”

“I’m willing to risk it all,” Jaehyun tells him. “I don’t care if I lose my place in the company. I don’t care about the fucking deal. If my dad decides to disown me, then so be it. All I know is that I’ve let Doyoung go once, I’m not making that mistake again.”

Jungwoo’s gaze softens. “It’s admirable, your love for Doyoung.”

“You feel the same way for Johnny, I know it,” Jaehyun fiercely says. “You decide what’s more important for you, Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo’s gaze falls. He’s contemplative as he stares at the ring on his finger, twists it until it leaves an ugly mark. Jaehyun holds his breath, feels like the world has slowed as he waits for the decision that could possibly change his life.

In what feels like forever, Jungwoo finally looks up. He looks terrified, and when Jaehyun reaches over to hold his hand, he finds that Jungwoo is trembling.

“I—Okay,” Jungwoo breathes shakily. He tugs the ring off his finger, slides it across the table to Jaehyun. “Okay, let’s call off the wedding.”

Jaehyun feels like he could die. Half the battle is won, and Jaehyun couldn’t wait till he triumphs over the other.

When he arrives back at the hotel, he’s surprised to find someone standing by his door.

When he turns around, Jaehyun’s eyes change with recognition. He hadn’t seen this boy before him since he was still a cheeky little kid. This person who stood before him has grown into a young teenager, his baby cheeks have gone, replaced with a chiselled jaw. But his eyes still hold the same mischievous glint despite the maturity of his face.

“Donghyuck,” Jaehyun greets warmly. He turns cold when he realises that Donghyuck’s visit could only possibly be about Doyoung. It doesn’t help that he has the meanest scowl on his face.

Donghyuck doesn’t bow, holds his gaze with a stare of his own. Jaehyun resists the urge to chuckle. Donghyuck had always been a little shit.

“We should talk inside,” Jaehyun suggests quietly, knowingly, stepping around him to open the door.

Donghyuck is unspeaking as he glances around the room. He ignores Jaehyun as he brushes past the older man to head towards the sofas.

“Who do you think you are?” Donghyuck hisses, whirling around on his feet to stare Jaehyun in the eyes. Jaehyun stays still, lets the boy have his way.

Donghyuck strides towards him, a fist balled at his side. “I could punch you, I really could,” he grits. His eyes burn with fury. “Do you have _any_ idea what you’ve done to him?”

Jaehyun’s head spins with Donghyuck’s accusatory tone. He can only hope that Doyoung is faring well, but the look in Donghyuck’s eyes tells him otherwise. For someone a whole lot of years younger than he was, Donghyuck is awfully intimidating.

Growing up, Jaehyun had been his favourite hyung besides Doyoung, and Donghyuck had loved him to death. But experiencing Donghyuck’s wrath towards him, regarding him with the most menacing glare, sends a chill down his spine.

Jaehyun can see the hurt bright in his eyes; Donghyuck had always worn his heart on his sleeve and even if he used to get on Doyoung’s nerves, everyone knew he would move mountains to make his older brother smile.

“He told me that it happened again. You’re leaving, just like you did before, and he questioned if what you felt for him was ever real.” Donghyuck says through his teeth. Jaehyun can tell that he’s trying his best to contain his emotions.

Jaehyun’s heart hurts at the confession. He relives that night seven years ago, the pain in Doyoung’s eyes as he watched Jaehyun leave. Jaehyun would spend forever making sure Doyoung never remembers what it’s like.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Donghyuck confesses, “You’ve made up your mind, I know.” The look in Donghyuck’s eyes changes. “Why would you listen to me, I bet that’s what you’re thinking. But I love my brother, and you—” he chokes, “You don’t know what it did to him when you left.”

Donghyuck’s gaze is hard when he locks eyes with him. “It’s easy for you to walk away. You’re not the one who has to pick up the pieces,” he says scathingly.

“You’re not the one who has to watch him pretend that everything’s fine when it’s not. You didn’t see him try to make himself _better_ or some shit like that, like, like he wasn’t good enough or something.”

“Donghyuck, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun murmurs, knowing that there is nothing he could possibly say that could undo the hurt he’d caused.

Donghyuck scoffs, though his voice is thick when he says, “Sure you are.”

Jaehyun is silent again as Donghyuck continues, “You didn’t even call or text, didn’t even bother to check how he was doing. Do you know how many years he held on, just _hoping_ you’d reach out to him?”

“He couldn’t let anyone in after you left. You _broke_ him,” Donghyuck fumes, shaking with anger, “He couldn’t trust that anyone else wouldn’t leave him like you did.”

Jaehyun winces. Doyoung hadn’t told him anything of that sort. Jaehyun wonders, the number of times Doyoung had wanted to come clean with him about his feelings, to unload the burden of his worries. Thoughts he’d harboured for so many years. But then again he hadn’t, and Jaehyun is once again reminded of how selfless Doyoung is.

Donghyuck inhales deeply, calmer when he says, “Did he tell you, that the only reason why he decided to go through with the wedding in the first place, is because he didn’t think he’d fall for someone again? It’s because he knew there was no one else for him.”

Donghyuck’s words strikes a chord in him. “He tried to forget you,” Donghyuck continues, quiet and resentful, “But he couldn’t, and he thought it didn’t matter if he had to spend his life with someone else if he couldn’t have you.”

Jaehyun nods, swallowing thickly. “Donghyuck,” he calls.

He catches sight of the affliction in the young man’s eyes, and is reminded of just how much Donghyuck loves his brother. Jaehyun knows he would have to rival Donghyuck to be the person who would do anything for Kim Doyoung.

“I’m going to make it right,” he promises.

Donghyuck doesn’t look like he believes him, and Jaehyun doesn’t blame him. Not after everything that’s happened. “You left him.” Donghyuck adds derisively, “ _Twice_.”

“I know,” Jaehyun regretfully admits. “But I can’t do it this time.” He worries his bottom lip, “I can’t live without him, I don’t want to.”

“I don’t believe you,” Donghyuck spits. Jaehyun had anticipated his reaction, knowing it would take more than just empty promises for Donghyuck to trust that he wouldn’t hurt Doyoung again.

“I’m marrying your brother,” Jaehyun discloses. Donghyuck’s eyes widen in disbelief. He visibly relaxes, but is still cautious as he regards the older man.

“You are?” Donghyuck exclaims.

Jaehyun nods. He pauses, suddenly timid in front of this twenty-year-old. “I mean, I’m going to. After I propose.” He nervously adds, “I’m hoping he says yes, of course.”

Donghyuck scoffs though there is no malice in his tone this time. “How are you going to do that?”

A frown blooms between his eyes. “I don’t know,” he admits.

For the first time since their meeting, the tension in the air dissipates as Donghyuck guffaws. But Jaehyun doesn’t mind his impudence. “Hyung has a wedding to attend tomorrow,” he finally says.

“I know,” Jaehyun replies, “He invited me as his date, but—” His face falls. “I guess I’m not going with him anymore.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue impatiently, rolling his eyes. “You’ll come with me, then.”

Jaehyun has never been more nervous in his life.

It’s a day before the wedding, and he hasn’t told his parents anything.

If Jungwoo hadn’t called him to wish him luck and reassure him of his promises to hold up his end of the deal, Jaehyun wouldn’t have had the courage to be where he is tonight.

Dressed in a suit, hair slicked back, he anxiously affixes himself to Doyoung’s younger brother. Donghyuck doesn’t care to show how irritable he was at having to babysit Jaehyun, but Jaehyun knows he’s more than glad to play his part when it comes to his brother’s happiness.

“Can you stop looking like you’re going to throw up?” Donghyuck sighs, gingerly peels Jaehyun’s fingers where they have a death grip of his elbow.

“That’s because I _am_ ,” Jaehyun hisses, pressing into Donghyuck’s side once more.

“I can’t believe my brother loves you,” Donghyuck laments.

“Why’s that?” Jaehyun retorts, indignant.

Donghyuck gives him a once over. “He’s so much cooler than you.”

Jaehyun laughs. Donghyuck’s humour manages to ease his nerves, even if a little.

“I can’t disagree with you on that,” Jaehyun remarks with a fond smile.

As children, Doyoung had always done all the cool things Jaehyun could only wish he had the courage to do. When eight-year-old Doyoung had promised to buy Jaehyun some ice cream with the money he’d won from playing _jegichagi_ , he’d gotten into an accident on the way home. Jaehyun found out later when he’d gone to visit Doyoung at the hospital that he’d kept his promise, handing over an ice cream that was left with nothing but a soggy biscuit. Little Doyoung had told him, with tears in his eyes and a gummy smile, that he’d held on to it and had refused to let go because he’d made a promise to his best friend.

This time Jaehyun wants to be someone who keeps his promises, too.

The hall is crowded with strangers and Jaehyun can’t concentrate on anything besides what he’s set out to do. Nevertheless, the food is good, and the wine they serve on the floor helps to take the edge off. When Jaehyun hasn’t had so much as a glimpse of Doyoung an hour into the reception, he starts to wonder if Doyoung had even come at all.

Donghyuck hadn’t been able to get a hold of him on his phone, either, which only makes Jaehyun’s head spin with a thousand theories, all that ends with nothing but how Doyoung’s the one who’s avoiding him this time.

Donghyuck reassures him that Doyoung must be _somewhere_ , and Jaehyun sticks it out as he holds on to the hope that he is.

He’s on his second glass when Donghyuck hurries from across the room and nudges him in the ribs, leaning in to whisper urgently in his ears, “He’s here. _There_ —sitting at that table by the door.”

Jaehyun’s eyes follow in the direction Donghyuck has pointed until his eyes fall upon the most beautiful man in the room. The world slows, and the music and chatter fade into the background. It feels like that day he’d met Doyoung in Madrid, and Jaehyun’s heart stops, only beats again when Doyoung turns his head and their eyes meet from across the room.

Doyoung’s eyes widen in alarm when they lock eyes. Despite his apparent consternation, Doyoung doesn’t peel his eyes away, watching as Jaehyun slowly weaves his way through the crowd, holding his gaze until there’s nothing but a few feet between them.

Doyoung’s disbelief fades into exasperation. “What are you doing here?” he demands.

“Donghyuck said he would bring me to you,” Jaehyun replies. His voice is quiet, but in that moment it feels like there’s only the two of them in the room.

Doyoung scoffs. “ _Donghyuck_ ,” he echoes angrily.

 _Can’t take my eyes off you_ starts to play. Jaehyun hesitates, offers a hand. “Will you dance with me?”

Doyoung is reluctant as he glances around the room. He meets eyes with Donghyuck before turning back to regard Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s glad for Donghyuck, making a mental note to thank him proper when this is all finally over. Doyoung sighs and jumps to his feet. “Fine.”

Jaehyun skin tingles when Doyoung’s fingers slot in between his own. Jaehyun grips Doyoung’s waist like he’s afraid Doyoung would disappear if he lets go. Doyoung’s arms are loose around his own, but being this close to Doyoung is more than enough for him.

They glide across the floor, gazing into each other’s eyes. Jaehyun can see it in his eyes, the million thoughts running through his head, but he says nothing, just savours the moment.

“I don’t know what you’re doing here,” Doyoung says disparagingly as they move, “But I’m _done_ , Jaehyun. I thought I’ve made it clear that I can’t be with you when I’m always going to be wondering when you’re going to leave me for—for something _better_.”

Donghyuck’s words play over in Jaehyun’s head. “Hyung, it was never you,” Jaehyun insists. Doyoung’s hand twitches in Jaehyun’s tight hold but Jaehyun is relentless. “You were perfect. You _are_ perfect to me, and I don’t deserve you but—”

Jaehyun composes himself. “Doyoung, please,” he begs, “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Is it an invite to your wedding, then?” Doyoung says bitterly, though Jaehyun catches the glint of heartache in his eyes. As awful as it was, Jaehyun finds comfort in knowing that Doyoung still cares enough for it to hurt. They come to a stop in the middle of the floor.

The music changes, and everyone around them is moving. Their hands are still joined between them.

“Will you come with me?” Jaehyun muses.

Doyoung pulls his hand away, glancing at the ground in quiet contemplation. When he looks up, he looks like he’s fighting a battle with himself as he regards the sincerity in Jaehyun’s eyes.

“Okay,” he finally concedes.

Jaehyun brings him to the Place du Trocadéro. It’s a quiet night. They get a spot to themselves, which only makes the moment infinitely more intimate.

Doyoung leans against the ledge, gazes at the Eiffel tower that lights up prettily. The breeze is gentle in his hair, and Jaehyun resists the urge to lean over and kiss him.

“Doyoung…” Jaehyun begins. He can hear his blood beating in his ears as Doyoung turns to look at him.

“I know that a lot has happened in these few weeks,” Jaehyun continues, feels the tremble in his voice. “I just wanted to let you know, that you’ve made me feel more than anyone has ever had, and whatever I’ve felt for you has always been real.”

Doyoung is silent. It’s hard to read his expression, and Jaehyun is petrified from head to toe, feels it in the way his heart pounds in his chest, but he presses on, “A few days ago I told you I was in love with you. I have always loved you, Doie.”

Doyoung’s eyes shine bright in the moonlight. “I don’t know where you’re going with this,” Doyoung shakes his head, glancing away with a pained expression.

“I—I’ve talked to Jungwoo,” Jaehyun continues, “And I told him I didn’t want to go through with the wedding.”

Doyoung’s attention snaps back to him, his jaw falling open at the confession. Jaehyun drops to a knee.

“I know this is happening so fast, but I’ve loved you since we were kids. I loved you seven years ago, when you yelled at me to stay and the terrified, naïve eighteen-year-old me had turned his back on you. I love you now, seven years later, just as you are before me, and I don't want to waste another moment without you in my life. I know I've hurt you, and you're probably having doubts about giving me another chance, but if you let me, I'll spend every day loving you just the way you deserve to be loved. So will you please marry me?” Jaehyun holds both hands out towards him.

It’s hard to tell what Doyoung is thinking, especially since it’s dark and his face is partially hidden by the shadows. Jaehyun sits on his knee in what feels like a nerve wrecking moment that seemed to drag on forever.

“There’s nothing in your hands,” Doyoung finally says. This time Jaehyun watches as the tears fall over, streaming down his cheeks.

“I don’t have a ring for you yet,” Jaehyun admits. In his haste he hadn’t had time to prepare anything. “But all I know is that I want to marry you. I don’t care about anything else, I just want you in my life forever.”

Doyoung chokes with a laugh. “Forever is a long time.”

“You were going to spend forever with someone you didn’t love,” Jaehyun reminds him.

“So were you,” Doyoung bites back. He leans down, grips the front of Jaehyun’s shirt to pull him up.

His lips linger close to Jaehyun’s as he presses their foreheads together. “You’re serious?”

“I am,” Jaehyun murmurs in resolution. It’s sweet, the way he lets his lips mould around Jaehyun’s lips.

“Does that mean you will?” Jaehyun asks when they pull away. Doyoung smiles through his tears, kisses him again.

“Yes,” he whispers against Jaehyun’s lips.

One word that pieces Jaehyun’s world together again. His heart soars.

Jaehyun gently wipes away the tears from his face with his sleeves. “What about your father?” Doyoung wonders uncertainly, _fearfully_.

Jaehyun worries his bottom lip.

“I don’t know,” he replies honestly. “But I’m not going to compromise on having you in my life, that’s all I know. I might—” he inhales sharply, worries plaguing him like a dark cloud. “I might lose everything,” he admits softly. “So you might be marrying into nothing.” He manages a wry smile, “Just giving you a head’s up.”

Doyoung laughs. “I’m just marrying you for your heart,” he says in reassurance, caresses Jaehyun’s cheek with a fond smile. It fades quickly, features contorting in concern.

“Will you be okay?”

“We don’t have to come up with a solution for everything today,” Jaehyun assures with a tiny quirk of his lips despite the heaviness in his heart. Despite everything, he still loves his father. He has some very strict, unconventional ways but Jaehyun knows, deep down, that his father loves him, too. “My dad… he’ll be furious. But I’m sure he’ll come around some day. Even if it—even if it takes years.”

Jaehyun can sense Doyoung’s guilt. He links their fingers together, brushes his lips lightly along his knuckles. “It’s fine, hyung. Really.”

Doyoung doesn’t look entirely convinced but he does press closer into Jaehyun’s side.

“Actually,” Jaehyun continues, “I’m more concerned about your _other_ fiancé.”

Doyoung chuckles wryly. “Fuck him,” he shrugs. “I’ll just tell my dad that I’m marrying you instead.”

Jaehyun throws his head back in laughter. He gazes deeply into Doyoung’s eyes.

“I don’t want anyone at our wedding,” Jaehyun reveals. “Let it just be us, and the officiant.” He adds after a pause, “And Johnny and Jungwoo as our witnesses.”

“Agreed.” Doyoung intertwines their fingers again, contemplative. “I do want a cake, though.”

A fond, gentle smile blooms across Jaehyun’s face. “Done.”

They start to make their way back, locked hands swinging in between them. “Let’s do it next week,” Jaehyun suggests. “Here, in Paris.”

Doyoung stares at him. “You’re serious?”

Jaehyun lifts his eyebrows at him, serious. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

Doyoung laughs, slows the pace to a stop in the middle of nowhere to kiss him slowly. Jaehyun smiles into the kiss.

“I love you,” Doyoung whispers against Jaehyun’s lips.

“You won’t run away this time, will you?” Jaehyun muses.

Doyoung’s lips pull into a smile. “Only if you promise not to either.”


End file.
